Bradley. Where the deuce did you fellows go to? Ive been wandering all over the square looking for you.
Perkins. Your wife
Bradley (dropping bottle). What? What about herhurt?
Mrs. Perkins. Worse! [Sobs.
Bradley. Killed?
Mrs. Perkins. Worsel-lol-locked upin jailno bailwants to be lamped out.
Bradley. Great heavens! Where?when? What next? Wheres my hat?whatll the baby say? I must go to her at once.
Yardsley. Hold on, old man. Let me go up. Youre too excited. I know the police captain. You stay here, and Ill run up and fix it with him. If you go, hell find out who Mrs. Hawkins is; youll get mad, and things will be worse than ever.
Bradley. But
Barlow. No buts, my dear boy. You just stay where you are. Yardsleys right. It would be an awful grind on you if this ever became known. Bob can fix it up in two minutes with the captain, and Mrs. Bradley can come right back with him. Besides, he can get there in five minutes on his wheel. It will take you twenty on the cars.
Yardsley. Precisely. Meanwhile, Brad, youd better learn to ride the wheel, so that Mrs. B. wont have to ride alone. This ought to be a lesson to you.
Perkins. Bully idea (rubbing his ankle). You can use my wheel to-nightII think Ive had enough for the present. (Aside.) The pavements arent soft enough for me; and, O Lord! what a stony curb that was!
Bradley. I never thought Id get so low.
Yardsley. Well, it seems to me that a man with a wife in jail neednt be too stuck up to ride a bicycle. Butby-byIm off. [Exit.
Mrs. Perkins. Poor Emmaout for freedom, and lands in jail. What horrid things policemen are, to arrest a woman!
Bradley (indignantly). Served her right! If women wont obey the law they ought to be arrested, the same as men. If she wasnt my wife, Id like to see her sent up for ten years or even twenty years. Women have got no business
Barlow. Dont get mad, Brad. If you knew the fascination of the wheel you wouldnt blame her a bit.
Bradley (calming down). WellI suppose it has some fascination.
Perkins (anxious to escape further lessons). Oh, indeed, its a most exhilarating sensation: you seem to be flying like a bird over the high-ways. Try it, Ned. Go on, right away. You dont know how that little ride I had braced me up.
Barlow (wish a laugh). There! Hear that! Theres a man whos ridden only eight inches in all his lifeand he says he felt like a bird!
Perkins (aside). Yeslike a spring chicken split open for broiling. Next time I ride a wheel itll be four wheels, with a horse fastened in front. Oh my! oh my! I believe Ive broken my back too. [Lies down.
Bradley. You seem to be exhilarated, Thaddeus.
Perkins (bracing up). Oh, I am, I am. Never felt worsethat is, better.
Barlow. Come on, Brad. Ill show you the trick in two jiffiesitll relieve your worry about madam, too.
Bradley. Very wellI suppose theres no way out of it. Only let me know as soon as Emma arrives, will you?
Mrs. Perkins. Yeswe will.
[They go out. As they disappear through the door Thaddeus groans aloud.
Mrs. Perkins. Whywhat is the matter, dear? Are you hurt?
Perkins. Oh nonot at all, my love. I was only thinking of Mr. Jarleys indignation to-morrow when he sees the hole I made in his curb-stone with my ankleoh!ow!and as for my back, while I dont think the whole spine is gone, I shouldnt be surprised if it had come through in sections.
Mrs. Perkins. Why, you poor thingwhy didnt you say
Perkins (savagely). Why didnt I say? My heavens, Bess, what did you think I wanted the Ponds Extract forto drink, or to water the street with? O Lord! (holding up his arm). There arent any ribs sticking out, are there?
Barlow (outside). The other waytherethats ityouve got it.
Bradley (outside). Why, it is easy, isnt it?
Perkins (scornfully). Easy! That fellowd find comfort in
Barlow (outside). Now youre offnot too fast.
Mrs. Perkins (walking to window). Why, Thaddeus, hes going like the wind down the street!
Perkins. Heaven help him when he comes to the river!
Barlow (rushing in). Here we are in trouble again. Brads gone off on my wheel. Bobs taken his, and your tires punctured. He doesnt know the first thing about turning or stopping, and I cant run fast enough to catch him. One member of the family is in jailthe other on a runaway wheel!
[Yardsley appears at door. Assumes attitude of butler announcing guest.
Yardsley. Missus Willerby Awkins!
Enter Mrs. Bradley, hysterical.
Mrs. Bradley. Oh, Edward!
[Throws herself into Barlows arms.
Barlow (quietly). Excuse meahMrs. HawkinsahBradleybut Im notIm not your husband.
Mrs. Bradley (looking up, tragically). Wheres Edward?
Mrs. Perkins. Sit down, dearyou must be completely worn out.
Mrs. Bradley (in alarm). Where is he?
Perkins (rising and standing on one leg). Fact is, Mrs. Bradleywe dont know. He disappeared ten minutes ago.
Yardsley. What do you mean?
Mrs. Bradley. Disappeared?
Barlow. Yes. He went eastat the rate of about a mile a minute.
Mrs. Bradley. My husbandwent east? Mile a minute?
Perkins. Yes, on a bike. Yardsley, take me by the shawl-strap, will you, and help me over to that chair; my back hurts so I cant lie down.
Mrs. Bradley. Nedon a wheel? Why, he cant ride!
Barlow. Oh yes, he can. What Im afraid of is that he cant stop riding.
Bradley (outside). HiBarlowhelp!