Bradley (outside). HiBarlowhelp!
Mrs. Bradley. Thats his voicehe called for help.
Yardsley (rushing to window). HiBradstop! Your wifes here.
Bradley (in distance). Cant stopdont know how
Barlow (leaning out of window). By Jove! hes turned the corner all right. If he keeps on around, we can catch him next time he passes.
Mrs. Bradley. Oh, do, do stop him. Im so afraid hell be hurt.
Mrs. Perkins (looking out). I can just see him on the other side of the squareand, oh dear me!his lamp is out.
Mrs. Bradley. Oh, Mr. YardsleyMr. BarlowMr. Perkinsdo stop him!
[By this time all are gazing out of window, except Perkins, who is nursing his ankle.
Perkins. I guess not. Im not going to lie down in the road, or sit in the road, or stand in the road to stop him or anybody else. I dont believe Ive got a sound bone left; but if I have, Im going to save it, if Bradley kills himself. If his lamps out the police will stop him. Why not be satisfied with that?
Bradley (passing the window). For Heavens sake! one of you fellows stop me.
Yardsley. Put on the brake.
Barlow. Fall off. It hasnt got a brake.
Bradley (despairingly, in distance). Cant.
Mrs. Perkins. This is frightful.
Perkins (with a grimace at his ankle). Yes; but there are other fearful things in this world.
Mrs. Bradley. I shall go crazy if he isnt stopped. Hell kill himself.
Yardsley (leaving window hurriedly). I have it. Got a length of clothes-line, Mrs. Perkins?
Barlow. What the dickens
Mrs. Perkins. Yes.
[She rushes from the room.
Mrs. Bradley. What for?
Yardsley. Ill lasso him, next time he comes around.
Perkins (with a grin). Therell be two of us! We can start a hospital on the top floor.
Mrs. Perkins (returning). Hereheres the line.
[Yardsley takes it hurriedly, and, tying it into a noose, hastens out.
Perkins (rising). If I never walk again, I must see this. [Limps to window.
Mrs. Bradley. Hes coming, Mr. Yardsley; dont miss him.
Barlow. Steady, Bob; get in the light.
Mrs. Perkins. Suppose it catches his neck?
Perkins. This beats the Wild West Show.
[A crash.
All. Hes got him.
[All rush out, except Perkins.
Perkins. Oh yes; he learned in a minute, he did. Easy! Ha, ha! Gad! it almost makes me forget my pain.
Enter all, asking. Is he hurt? How do you feel? etc. Yardsley has rope-end in right hand; noose is tied about Bradleys body, his coat and clothing are much the worse for wear.
Mrs. Bradley. Poor, dear Edward!
Bradley (weakly kissing her). Dont m-mind me. IIm all rightonly a little exhilaratedand somewhatersomewhat breathless. Feel like a birdon toast. Yardsley, youre a brick. But that pavementthat was a pile of em, and the hardest I ever encountered. I always thought asphalt was softwho said asphalt was soft?
Perkins. Easy to learn, though, eh?
Bradley. Too easy. Id have gone onerforevererif it hadnt been for Bob.
Mrs. Bradley. Ill give it up, Ned dear, if you say so.
Mrs. Perkins (affectionately). Thats sweet of you, Emma.
Bradley. No, indeed, you wont, forerII rather like it while its going on, and when I learn to get off
Yardsley. Which you will very shortly.
Barlow. You bet! hes a dandy. I taught him.
Bradley. I think Ill adore it.
Perkins. Buy a Czar wheel, Brad. Best in the market; weighs only twenty pounds. Ive got one with a ki-yi pump and a pneumatic gun you can have for ten dollars.
Jennie (at the door). Supper is served maam. [Exit.
Mrs. Perkins. Let us go out and restore our nerves. Come, Emma.
[She and Mrs. Bradley walk out.
Yardsley (aside). I say, Brad, you owe me five.
Bradley. What for?
Yardsley. Bail.
Barlow. Cheap too.
Yardsley. Very. I think he ought to open a bottle besides.
Perkins. Ill attend to the bottles. Well have three.
Barlow. Two will be enough.
Perkins. Threetwo of fizz for you and Bob and the ladies, and if Bradley will agree, Ill split a quart of Ponds Extract with him.
Bradley. Ill go you. I think I could take care of the whole quart myself.
Perkins. Then well make it four bottles.
Mrs. Perkins (appearing at door with her arm about Mrs. Bradley). Arent you coming?
Perkins (rising with difficulty). As fast as we can, my dear. Weve been taking lessons, you know, and cant move as rapidly as the rest of you. Were a trifleaha trifle tired. Yardsley, you tow Bradley into the dining room; and, Barlow, kindly pretend Im a shawl, will you, and carry me in.
Bradley. Ill buy a wheel to-morrow.
Perkins. Dont, Brad. IIll give you mine. Fact is, old man, I dont exactly like feeling like a bird.
[They go out, and as the last, Perkins and Bradley, disappear stiffly through the portières, the curtain falls.
A DRAMATIC EVENING
CHARACTERS:
MR. THADDEUS PERKINS, a victim.
MR. EDWARD BRADLEY, a friend in disguise.
MR. ROBERT YARDSLEY, an amiable villain.
MR. JOHN BARLOW, the amiable villains assistant.
MRS. THADDEUS PERKINS, a martyr.
MRS. EDWARD BRADLEY, a woman of executive ability.
JENNIE, a housemaid.
The scene is placed in the drawing-room of Mr. and Mrs. Thaddeus Perkins, of New York. The time is a Saturday evening in the early spring, and the hour is approaching eight. The curtain, rising, discovers Perkins, in evening dress, reading a newspaper by the light of a lamp on the table. Mrs. Perkins is seated on the other side of the table, buttoning her gloves. Her wrap is on a chair near at hand. The room is gracefully over-furnished.