Barlow. Humph! Not very goodbut well try it. Come on. Its getting late.
[They go out. Perkins reluctantly. In a moment he returns alone, and, rushing to Mrs. Perkins, kisses her affectionately.
Perkins. Good-bye, dearest.
Mrs. Perkins. Good-bye. Dont hurt yourself, Thaddeus. [Exit Perkins.
Mrs. Perkins (leaving window and looking at clock on mantel). Ten minutes past nine and Emma not here yet. It does seem too bad that she should worry Ed so much just for independence sake. I am quite sure I should never want to ride a wheel anyhow, and even if I did
Enter Yardsley hurriedly, with a piece of flannel in his hand.
Yardsley. I beg pardon, Mrs. Perkins, but have you a shawl-strap in the house?
Mrs. Perkins (tragically). What is that you have in your hand, Mr. Yardsley?
Yardsley (with a glance at the piece of flannel). That? Ohha-hathatthats aaha piece of flannel.
Mrs. Perkins (snatching the flannel from Yardsleys hand). But Teddyisnt that a piece of TeddysTeddys shirt?
Yardsley. More than that, Mrs. Perkins. Its the greater part of Teddys shirt. Thats why we want the shawl-strap. When we started him off, you know, he took his coat off. Jack held on to the wheel, and I took Teddy in the fulness of his shirt. Onetwothree! Teddy put on steamBarlow let goTeddy went offI held onthis is what remained. It ruined the shirt, but Teddy is safe. (Aside.) Barring about sixty or seventy bruises.
Mrs. Perkins (with a faint smile). And the shawl-strap?
Yardsley. I want to fasten it around Teddys waist, grab hold of the handle, and so hold him up. Hes all right, so dont you worry. (Exit Mrs. Perkins in search of shawl-strap.) Guess Id better not say anything about the Ponds Extract he told me to bringdoesnt need it, anyhow. Mans got to get used to leaving pieces of his ankle-bone on the curb-stone if he wants to learn to ride a wheel. Only worry her if I asked her for itwont hurt him to suffer a week.
Enter Bradley.
Bradley. Has she come yet?
Yardsley. Nojust gone up-stairs for a shawl-strap.
Bradley. Shawl-strap? Who?
Perkins (outside). Hurry up with that Ponds Extract, will you?
Yardsley. All rightcoming. Who? Who what?
Bradley. Who has gone up-stairs after shawl-strapmy wife?
Yardsley. No, no, no. Hasnt she got here yet? Its Mrs. Perkins. Perk fell off just now and broke in two. We want to fasten him together.
Barlow (outside). Bring out that pump. His wheels flabby.
Enter Mrs. Perkins with shawl-strap.
Mrs. Perkins. Here it is. What did I hear about Ponds Extract? Didnt somebody call for it?
Yardsley. Nooh nonot a bit of it! What you heard was shawl-strapsounds like extractvery much like it. In fact
Bradley. But you did say you wanted
Yardsley (aside to Bradley). Shut up! Thaddeus banged his ankle, but hell get over it in a minute. Shed only worry. The best bicyclers in the world are all the time falling off, taking headers, and banging their ankles.
Bradley. Poor Emma!
Enter Barlow.
Barlow. Where the deuce is that Ex
Yardsley (grasping him by the arm and pushing him out). Here it is; this is the ex-strap, just what we wanted. (Aside to Bradley.) Go down to the drug-store and get a bottle of Ponds, will you? [Exit.
Mrs. Perkins (walking to window). She cant be long in coming now.
Bradley. I guess Ill go out to the corner again. (Aside.) Best bicyclers always smashing ankles, falling off, taking headers! If I ever get hold of Emma again, Ill see whether shell ride that[Rushes out.
Mrs. Perkins. It seems to have made these men crazy. I never saw such strange behavior in all my life. (The telephone-bell rings.) What can that be? (Goes to phone, which stands just outside parlor door.) Hello! What? Yes, this is 1181yes. Who are you? What? Emma? Oh dear, Im so glad! Are you alive? Where are you? What? Where? The police-station! (Turning from telephone.) Thaddeus, Mr. Barlow, Mr. Yardsley. (Into telephone.) Hello! What for? What? Riding without a lamp! Arrested at Forty-second Street! Want to be bailed out? (Drops receiver. Rushes into parlor and throws herself on sofa.) To think of itEmma Bradley! (Telephone-bell rings violently again; Mrs. Perkins goes to it.) Hello! Yes. Tell Ed what? To ask for Mrs. Willoughby Hawkins. Whos she? What, you! (Drops the receiver; runs to window.) Thaddeus! Mr. Yardsley! Mr. Barlow!all of you come here, quick.
[They rush in. Perkins with shawl-strap about his waistlimping. Barlow has large air-pump in his hand. Mrs. Perkins grows faint.
Perkins. Great heavens! Whats the matter?
Barlow. Get some waterquick!
[Yardsley runs for water.
Mrs. Perkins. Air! Give me air!
Perkins (grabbing pump from Barlows hand). Dont stand there like an idiot! Act! She wants air!
[Places pump on floor and begins to pump air at her.
Barlow. Whos the idiot now? Wheel her over to the window. Shes not a bicycle.
They do so. Mrs. Perkins revives.
Perkins. What is the matter?
Mrs. Perkins. Mrs. Willoughby HawkinsarrestedForty-second Streetno lampbailed out. Oh, dear me, dear me! Itll all be in the papers!
Perkins. Whats that got to do with us? Whos Mrs. Willoughby Hawkins?
Mrs. Perkins. Emma! Assumed name.
Barlow. Good Lord! Mrs. Bradley in jail?
Perkins. This is a nice piece ofowmy ankle, my ankle!
[Enter Bradley and Yardsley at same time, Bradley with bottle of Ponds Extract, Yardsley with glass of water.