Bradley (sorrowfully). This is the first time, Mrs. Perkins. Fact is, wed intended calling on you to-night, and I dressed as you see me. Emma was in proper garb too, but when she saw what a beautiful night it was, she told me to go ahead, and sheBy Jove! it almost makes me weep!
Perkins. She wasnt taken ill?
Bradley. Noworse. She said: You go down on the L. Ill bike. Its such a splendid night. Fine piece of business this! To have a bicycle come between man and wife is a pretty hard fate, I thinkfor the one who doesnt ride.
Mrs. Perkins. Then Emma is coming here?
Bradley. Thats the idea, on her wheelcoming down the Boulevard, across Seventy-second Street, through the Park, down Madison, across Twenty-third, down Fourth to Twenty-first, then here.
Perkins. Bully ride that.
Mrs. Perkins. Alone?
Bradley (sadly). I hope sobut these bicyclists have a way of flocking together. For all I know, my beloved Emma may now be coasting down Murray Hill escorted by some bicycle club from Jersey City.
Mrs. Perkins. Oh dearMr. Bradley!
Bradley. Oh, its all right, I assure you, Mrs. Perkins. Perfectly right and proper. Its merely part of the exercise, dont you know. Theres a hail-fellow-well-metness about enthusiastic bicyclists, and Emma is intensely enthusiastic. It gives her a chance, you know, and Emma has always wanted a chance. Independence is a thing shes been after ever since she got her freedom, and now, thanks to the wheel, shes got it again, and even I must admit its harmless. Funny she doesnt get here though (looking at his watch); shes had time to come down twice.
[Bicycle bells are heard ringing without.
Mrs. Perkins. Maybe that is she now. Go and see, will you, Thaddeus? [Exit Perkins.
Perkins (without), That you, Mrs. Bradley?
[Mrs. Perkins and Bradley listen intently.
Two Male Voices. No; its us, Perk. Got your wheel?
Bradley and Mrs. Perkins. Where can she be?
Enter Perkins with Barlow and Yardsley.
They both greet Mrs. Perkins.
Yardsley. Hullo, Brad! You going to have a lesson too?
Barlow. Dressed for it, arent you, by Jove! Nothing like a dinner coat for a bicycle ride. Your coat-tails dont catch in the gear.
Bradley (severely). I havent taken it upfact is, I dont care for fads. Have you seen my wife?
Yardsley. Yessaw her the other night at the academy. Rides mighty well, too, Brad. Dont wonder you dont take it up. Contrast, you knoweh, Perk? Fearful thing for a man to have the world see how much smarter his wife is than he is.
Perkins (turning to his wheel). Bradleys a little worried about the non-arrival of Mrs. Bradley. She was coming here on her wheel, and started about the same time he did.
Barlow. Oh, thats all right, Ned. She knows her wheel as well as you know your business. Cant come down quite as fast as the L, particularly these nights just before election. She may have fallen in with some political parade, and is waiting to get across the street.
Bradley (aside). Well, I like that!
Mrs. Perkins (aside). Whyits awful!
Yardsley. Or she may possibly have punctured her tirethat would delay her fifteen or twenty minutes. Dont worry, my dear boy. I showed her how to fix a punctured tire all right. Its simple enoughyou take the rubber thing they give you and fasten it in that metal thingumbob, glue it up, poke it in, pull it out, pump her up, and there you are.
Bradley (scornfully). You told her that, did you?
Yardsley. I did.
Bradley (with a mock sigh of relief). You dont know what a load youve taken off my mind.
Barlow (looking at his watch). Hm! Thaddeus, its nine oclock. I move we go out and have the lesson. Eh? The moon is just right.
Yardsley. Yeswe cant begin too soon. Wheel all right?
Perkins. Guess soIm ready.
Bradley. Ill go out to the corner and see if theres any sign of Mrs. Bradley. [Exit.
Mrs. Perkins (who has been gazing out of window for some moments). I do wish Emma would come. I cant understand how women can do these things. Riding down here all alone at night! It is perfectly ridiculous!
Yardsley (rolling Perkinss wheel into middle of room). Czar wheel, eh?
Perkins (meekly). Yesbest goingthey tell me.
Barlow. Cant compare with the Alberta. Has a way of going to pieces like the one-hoss shayeh, Bob?
Yardsley. Exactlywhen you least expect it, toothough the Alberta isnt much better. You get coasting on either of em, and half-way down, bang! the front wheel collapses, hind wheel flies up and hits you in the neck, handle-bar turns just in time to stab you in the chest; and there you are, miles from home, a physical, moral, bicycle wreck. But the Arena wheel is different. In fact, I may say that the only safe wheel is the Arena. Thats the one I ride. However, at fifty dollars this one isnt extravagant.
Perkins. I paid a hundred.
Yardsley. A whaaat?
Perkins. Hundred.
Barlow. Well you are aagood fellow. Its a pretty wheel, anyhow. Eh, Bob?
Yardsley. Simple beauty. Is she pumped up?
Perkins. Beg your pardon?
Yardsley. Pumped up, tires full and tightready for actionsupport an elephant?
Perkins. Guess somyI mean, the agent said it was perfect.
Yardsley. Extra nuts?
Perkins. What?
Yardsley. Extra nutsnuts extra. Suppose you lose a nut, and your pedal comes off; what you going to doget a tow?
Barlow. Guess Perkins thinks this is like going to sleep.
Perkins. I dont know anything about it. What Im after is information; only, I give you warning, I will not ride so as to get round shoulders.
Yardsley. Then wheres your wrench? Screw up your bar, hoist your handles, elevate your saddle, and youre O.K. What saddle have you?
Perkins (tapping it). This.
Barlow. Humph! Not very goodbut well try it. Come on. Its getting late.