So I say have a little fun; buy some time. When they ask what you want, tell them you cant decide. Thats all there is to it. You cant decide.
Gee, I dont know. Im not sure if I want steak or lobster. I mean, I really love them both. I havent had lobster in quite a while, but on the other hand, I really love chicken. Its my good luck food. And theyre both rich in protein. I just cant figure it out.
What can they do? Can they kill you under those circumstances? Can they go ahead and kill you if you honestly dont know what you want for dinner? Tell them youre willing to take a lie detector test and truth serum, but you honestly cant decide. Can they kill you? Can they drag you down the last mile screaming, Surf? Turf? Im on the horns of a dilemma! I think theyd have to give you a little more time.
Imagine if you kept it up for six months. Think of the headlines.
CONDEMNED MAN STILL ALIVE,?CANT DECIDE.?LEANS TOWARD LOBSTER.
Three years go by. Five. Seven. And then, finally, one morning you wake up, and its clear as a bell:
All right, Ive decided. And I dont know why I didnt think of this long ago. Im going to have the lamb chops.
All right, lamb chops it is. And how did you want them cooked?
Geez, I hadnt thought of that. Lemme see. How do I want them cooked? Listen, guys, can I get back to you?
HUNGRY MAN EXECUTED.?DRAGGED DOWN LAST MILE?SCREAMING MEDIUM!
? HYPERLINK file:///E:\\Documents%20and%20Settings\\Dom\\Desktop\\1791_NapalmSillyPutty%5B1%5D\\Napalm_body-contents.html \l TOC-34 ??CURRENT EVENTS ?
Heres a great idea. I think Texas should save up 500 condemned people and execute them all at once, in electric chairs. Five hundred electric chairs in a big gymnasium. Wouldnt that be fun? I realize Texas prefers lethal injection, but maybe they could make an exception just this once. Or how about executing people five at a time on electric couches. That would be interesting. Put a coffee table in front of them with magazines and some chips and dip. It would be fun. Heres another good idea. If a married couple kills their kid, they should be executed in an electric love seat. Force them to hug as you pull the switch.
? HYPERLINK file:///E:\\Documents%20and%20Settings\\Dom\\Desktop\\1791_NapalmSillyPutty%5B1%5D\\Napalm_body-contents.html \l TOC-35 ??THE UNKINDEST CUT ?
I dont know about you, but I think O. J. got screwed. Double jeopardy is just plain wrong. Civil trial, my ass! Its not fair. O. J. beat the system and he should be allowed to enjoy it. Geraldo and Charles Grodin dont like O. J. Simpson. Geraldo and Charles Grodin deal in certitude. Guys like that almost always impress me.
Im really glad O. J. beat the rap. Personally, Id like to see him on TV again, doin commercials. There must be something he could do. Roach Motel. They checks in, but they dont checks out. It would be fun. We need more fun. People get upset with all the wrong things.
Like these guys Jeffrey Dahmer and Timothy McVeigh. Right away everybody wants to kill them. Let me tell you, you dont kill guys like that. Thats exactly what they want. You know what you do? You let them off with a warning. Just like a speeding ticket. Sometimes all a guy like that needs is a good talking-to. You sit him down, and you say, Listen. Jeff. Nobody thinks youre funny. Okay? No one is amused. So calm down and knock off the shit. Stop trying to draw attention to yourself. You eat one more person, and youre in big trouble.
A lot of these guys never hear that sort of thing. I think it would make them think twice before they cooked another persons head and ate it. Dont you?
Now, as to Timothy McVeigh, youve got a slightly different situation. After all, the guys a veteran, so you have to show him a little consideration. And dont forget, its his first offense. So I say let him off with a warning. Throw a good scare into him: Tim, one more trick like that, and its gonna mean a hefty fine.
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\l TOC-36 ??SMILE! ?
Camcorders are a good example of technology gone berserk. Everywhere you go now, you see some goofy fuck with a camcorder. Everyones taping everything. Doesnt anybody stop and look at things anymore? Take them in? Maybe even . . . remember them? Is that such a strange idea? Does experience really have to be documented, brought home and saved on a shelf? And do people really watch this shit? Are their lives so bankrupt they sit at home watching things they already did?
These guys are so intense. And by the way, its always guys. They wont let women touch the cameras; its a highly technical skill. Look through a hole, push on a button. Big fuckin skill. And they all think theyre Federico Fellini. Did you ever see them at the soccer games? With the low angles and all the zooms and pans? And its the same three ugly children in every shot. Same kids. Believe me, all the George Lucas magic in Hollywood is not going to change the unfortunate genetic configurations on the faces of these children. Do the world a favor, keep these unfortunate youngsters indoors, out of public view.