Has any unknown person asked you to take anything on board?
Well, what exactly is an unknown person? Surely everyone is known to someone. In fact, just this morning, Kareem and Youssef Ali ben Gabba seemed to know each other quite well. They kept joking about which one of my suitcases was the heaviest.
And thats another thing they dont like at the airport. Jokes. You cant joke about a bomb. Well, why is it just jokes? What about a riddle? How about a limerick? How about a bomb anecdote? You know, no punch line, just a really cute story. Or, suppose you intended the remark not as a joke but as an ironic musing? Are they prepared to make that distinction? I think not! And besides, whos to say whats funny?
Airport security is a stupid idea, its a waste of money, and its there for only one reason: to make white people feel safe! Thats all its for. To provide a feeling, an illusion, of safety in order to placate the middle class. Because the authorities know they cant make airplanes safe; too many people have access. Youll notice the drug smugglers dont seem to have a lot of trouble getting their little packages on board, do they? No. And God bless them, too.
And by the way, an airplane flight shouldnt be completely safe. You need a little danger in your life. Take a fuckin chance, will ya? What are you gonna do, play with your prick for another thirty years? What, are you gonna read People magazine and eat at Wendys till the end of time? Take a fuckin chance!
Besides, even if they made all of the airplanes completely safe, the terrorists would simply start
bombing other places that are crowded: pornshops, crack houses, titty bars, and gang bangs. You know, entertainment venues. The odds of you being killed by a terrorist are practically zero. So I say, relax and enjoy the show.
You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of peopleMuslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanaare going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time. Thats the reality. Angry men in combat fatigues talkin to God on a two-way radio and muttering incoherent slogans about freedom are eventually gonna provide us with a great deal of entertainment.
Especially after your stupid fuckin economy collapses all around you, and the terrorists come out of the woodwork. And youll have anthrax in the water supply and sarin gas in the air conditioners; therell be chemical and biological suitcase-bombs in every city, and I say, Relax. Enjoy the show! Take a fuckin chance. Put a little fun in your life.
To me, terrorism is exciting. I think the very idea that you can set off a bomb in Macys and kill several hundred people is exciting and stimulating, and I see it as a form of entertainment.
But I also know most Americans are soft, frightened, unimaginative people, who have no idea theres such a thing as dangerous fun. And they certainly dont recognize good entertainment when they see it. I have always been willing to put myself at great personal risk for the sake of entertainment. And Ive always been willing to put you at great personal risk for the same reason.
As far as Im concerned, all of this airport securitythe cameras, the questions, the screenings, the searchesis just one more way of reducing your liberty and reminding you that they can fuck with you anytime they wantas long as youre willing to put up with it. Which means, of course, anytime they want. Because thats the way Americans are now. Theyre always willing to trade away a little of their freedom in exchange for the feelingthe illusionof security.
What we now have is a completely neurotic population obsessed with security, safety, crime, drugs, cleanliness, hygiene, and germs! Theres another thing. Fear of germs.
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Where did this sudden fear of germs come from in this country? Have you noticed this? The media constantly doing stories about the latest infections? Salmonella, E. coli, hantavirus, West Nile fever? And Americans panic easily, so now everybodys running around, scrubbing this, spraying that, overcooking their food, and repeatedly washing their hands; trying to avoid all contact with germs.
Its ridiculous, and it goes to ridiculous lengths. In prisonsand this is truein prisons, before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. Its true! Well, they dont want you to get an infection. And you can see their point: wouldnt want some guy to go to hell and be sick! It would take a lot of the sport out of the whole execution.
Fear of germs. Buncha fuckin pussies. You cant even get a decent hamburger anymore; they cook the shit out of everything, because everyones afraid of food poisoning. Hey, wheres your sense of adventure? Take a fuckin chance! You know how many people die from food poisoning in this country every year? Nine thousand! Thats all! Its a minor risk. Take a fuckin chance. Buncha goddamn pussies!