Besides, what do you think you have an immune system for? Its for killing germs. But it needs practice. It needs germs to practice on. So if you kill all the germs around you and live a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along, youre not going to be prepared.
And never mind ordinary germs, what are you gonna do when some super-virus comes along that turns your vital organs into liquid shit? Ill tell you what youre gonna do. Youre gonna get sick, youre gonna die, and youre gonna deserve it, because youre fuckin weak, and youve got a fuckin weak immune system.
Let me tell you a true story about immunization. When I was a little boy in New York City in the 1940s, we swam in the Hudson River. And it was filled with raw sewage. Okay? We swam in raw sewage! You know, to cool off.
At that time the big fear was polio; thousands of kids died from polio every year. But you know somethin? In my neighborhood no one ever got polio. No one. Ever! You know why? Because we swam in raw sewage! It strengthened our immune systems. The polio never had a prayer; we were tempered in raw shit!
So, personally,
I never take any special precautions against germs. I dont shy away from people who sneeze and cough, I dont wipe off the telephone, I dont cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor, I pick it up and eat it. Even if Im at a sidewalk café. In Calcutta. The poor section. On New Years morning during a soccer riot.
And you know something? In spite of all of that so-called risky behavior, I never get infections. I just dont get em, folks. I dont get colds, I dont get flu, and I dont get food poisoning. And you know why? Because I have a good, strong immune system, and it gets a lot of practice.
My immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully automatic, military assault rifles with night vision and laser scopes. And we have recently acquired phosphorous grenades, cluster bombs, and anti-personnel fragmentation mines.
So, when my white blood cells are on patrol, reconnoitering my blood stream, seeking out strangers and other undesirables, if they see anyanysuspicious-looking germs of any kind, they dont fuck around. They whip out the weapons, wax the motherfucker, and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon! Directly into my colon! Theres no nonsense. Theres no Miranda warning, theres none of that three-strikes-and-youre-out shit. First offense, BAM! Into the colon you go.
And speaking of my colon, I want you to know I dont automatically wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom. Can you deal with that? Sometimes I do, sometimes I dont. You know when I wash my hands? When I shit on them! Thats the only time. And you know how often that happens? Topstopstwo, three times a week. Tops! Maybe a little more frequently over the holidays. You know what I mean?
And Ill tell you something else, my well-scrubbed friends. You dont always need a shower every day. Did you know that? Its overkill! Unless you work out, or work outdoors, or for some reason come in intimate contact with huge amounts of filth and garbage every day, you dont always need a shower.
All you really need is to wash the four key areas: armpits, asshole, crotch, and teeth! Got that? The hookers bath. Armpits, asshole, crotch, and teeth. In fact, you can save yourself a whole lot of time if you simply use the same brush on all four areas!
? HYPERLINK file:///E:\\Documents%20and%20Settings\\Dom\\Desktop\\1791_NapalmSillyPutty%5B1%5D\\Napalm_body-contents.html \l TOC-20 ??BUT FIRST, THIS FUCKIN MESSAGE ?
Commercials use sex to sell things; why cant they use violence and bad language too? Not all families are as functional as the ones they show you on TV.
MOM: Eat your fuckin corn flakes, ya cocksucker!
SON: Fuck you, Ma.
MOM: Why you little creep! ?SLAM! SMACK! POW!
DAD: Here, Son, try this. Its new from Kelloggs.
SON: Holy shit, raisins!
MOM: Hey, asshole! Whatre ya tryin to do, spoil the kid?
DAD: Listen, cunt, Im tired of your meddlin! ?BLAM! POW! CRACK!
SON: Hey, Dad, when you get finished punchin Mom, gimme some more of that shit with the raisins in it, will ya?
Advertising Lullabye
Quality, value, style,
service, selection, convenience,
economy, savings, performance,
experience, hospitality,
low rates, friendly service,
name brands, easy terms,
affordable prices, money-back guarantee,
free installation.
Free admission, free appraisal, free alterations,
free delivery, free estimates,
free home trialand free parking.
No cash? No problem. No kidding!
No fuss, no muss, no risk, no obligation,
no red tape, no down payment,
no entry fee, no hidden charges,
no purchase necessary,
no one will call on you,
no payments or interest till September.
Limited time only, though,
so act now,
order today,
send no money,
offer good while supplies last,
two to a customer,
each item sold separately,
batteries not included,
mileage may vary,
all sales are final,
allow six weeks for delivery,