Nurse
You say well.
Mercutio
Yea, is the worst well? Very well took, ifaith; wisely, wisely.
Nurse
If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.
Benvolio
She will endite him to some supper.
Mercutio
A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho!
Romeo
What hast thou found?
Mercutio
No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.
[Sings.]
An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in Lent;
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Romeo, will you come to your fathers? Well to dinner thither.
Romeo
I will follow you.
Mercutio
Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, lady, lady, lady.
[Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio]
Nurse
I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his ropery?
Romeo
A gentleman, Nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
Nurse
And a speak anything against me, Ill take him down, and a were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks. And if I cannot, Ill find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates.-And thou must stand by too and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure!
Peter
I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out. I warrant you, I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.
Nurse
Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave. Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bid me enquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself. But first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her in a fools paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say; for the gentlewoman is young. And therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.
Romeo
Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee,-
Nurse
Good heart, and ifaith I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.
Romeo
What wilt thou tell her, Nurse? Thou dost not mark me.
Nurse
I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.
Romeo
Bid her devise
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon,
And there she shall at Friar Lawrence cell
Be shrivd and married. Here is for thy pains.
Nurse
No truly, sir; not a penny.
Romeo
Go to; I say you shall.
Nurse
This afternoon, sir? Well, she shall be there.
Romeo
And stay, good Nurse, behind the abbey wall.
Within this hour my man shall be with thee,
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair,
Which to the high topgallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell, be trusty, and Ill quit thy pains;
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.
Nurse
Now God in heaven bless thee. Hark you, sir.
Romeo
What sayst thou, my dear Nurse?
Nurse
Is your man secret? Did you neer hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?
Romeo
I warrant thee my mans as true as steel.
Nurse
Well, sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady. Lord, Lord! When twas a little prating thing, O, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the properer man, but Ill warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?
Romeo
Ay, Nurse; what of that? Both with an R.
Nurse
Ah, mocker! Thats the dogs name. R is for the-no, I know it begins with some other letter, and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.
Romeo
Commend me to thy lady.
Nurse
Ay, a thousand times. Peter!
[Exit Romeo]
Peter
Anon.
Nurse
Before and apace.
[Exeunt.]
Scene V
Capulets Garden. Enter Juliet.
Juliet
The clock struck nine when I did send the Nurse,
In half an hour she promised to return.
Perchance she cannot meet him. Thats not so.
O, she is lame. Loves heralds should be thoughts,
Which ten times faster glides than the suns beams,
Driving back shadows over lowering hills:
Therefore do nimble-piniond doves draw love,
And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings.
Now is the sun upon the highmost hill
Of this days journey, and from nine till twelve
Is three long hours, yet she is not come.
Had she affections and warm youthful blood,
Shed be as swift in motion as a ball;
My words would bandy her to my sweet love,
And his to me.
But old folks, many feign as they were dead;
Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead.
Enter Nurse and Peter.
O God, she comes. O honey Nurse, what news?
Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.
Nurse
Peter, stay at the gate.
[Exit Peter.]
Juliet
Now, good sweet Nurse, O Lord, why lookst thou sad?
Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily;
If good, thou shamst the music of sweet news
By playing it to me with so sour a face.
Nurse
I am aweary, give me leave awhile;
Fie, how my bones ache! What a jaunt have I had!
Juliet
I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news:
Nay come, I pray thee speak; good, good Nurse, speak.
Nurse
Jesu, what haste? Can you not stay a while? Do you not see that I am out of breath?
Juliet
How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath
To say to me that thou art out of breath?
The excuse that thou dost make in this delay
Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse.
Is thy news good or bad? Answer to that;
Say either, and Ill stay the circumstance.
Let me be satisfied, ist good or bad?
Nurse
Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man. Romeo? No, not he. Though his face be better than any mans, yet his leg excels all mens, and for a hand and a foot, and a body, though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare. He is not the flower of courtesy, but Ill warrant him as gentle as a lamb. Go thy ways, wench, serve God. What, have you dined at home?
Juliet
No, no. But all this did I know before.
What says he of our marriage? What of that?
Nurse
Lord, how my head aches! What a head have I!
It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces.
My back o tother side, O my back, my back!
Beshrew your heart for sending me about
To catch my death with jauncing up and down.
Juliet
Ifaith, I am sorry that thou art not well.
Sweet, sweet, sweet Nurse, tell me, what says my love?
Nurse
Your love says like an honest gentleman,
And a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome,
And I warrant a virtuous, Where is your mother?
Juliet
Where is my mother? Why, she is within.
Where should she be? How oddly thou repliest.
Your love says, like an honest gentleman,
Where is your mother?
Nurse
O Gods lady dear,
Are you so hot? Marry, come up, I trow.
Is this the poultice for my aching bones?
Henceforward do your messages yourself.
Juliet
Heres such a coil. Come, what says Romeo?
Nurse
Have you got leave to go to shrift today?
Juliet
I have.
Nurse
Then hie you hence to Friar Lawrence cell;
There stays a husband to make you a wife.
Now comes the wanton blood up in your cheeks,
Theyll be in scarlet straight at any news.
Hie you to church. I must another way,
To fetch a ladder by the which your love
Must climb a birds nest soon when it is dark.
I am the drudge, and toil in your delight;
But you shall bear the burden soon at night.
Go. Ill to dinner; hie you to the cell.
Juliet
Hie to high fortune! Honest Nurse, farewell.
[Exeunt.]
Scene VI
Friar Lawrences Cell. Enter Friar Lawrence and Romeo.
Friar Lawrence
So smile the heavens upon this holy act
That after-hours with sorrow chide us not.
Romeo
Amen, amen, but come what sorrow can,
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy
That one short minute gives me in her sight.
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,
Then love-devouring death do what he dare,
It is enough I may but call her mine.