Im afraid, Julius. Im afraid of heights.
Oh, my goodness, so am I! Blaise, we have so much in common. Do you like apples?
Yes, I like apples and prefer to keep my feet on the ground. However, if you ever get tired of flying, Ill give you a ride.
Oh, you, naughty girl, he said as they witnessed a miracle in progress. Well, Ill be a monkeys uncle. Would you look at that? In the middle of the pasture, Mel kneeled to one knee and the boar climbed onto his back. Mel straightened to begin the journey up the slope toward the pond. That beast has borne the burden of that boar. I think what we are witnessing here is a miracle of biblical proportion. Say, wait a minute. That mule has gotten behind the cart. Oh, what difference does it make? We already know that old, oft-repeated, worn-out story anyway. Well, at least now we can cut to the chase and in 12 hours call it a day.
Mel made his way to the pond. He bowed and the boar slid off.
Well, Julius, Blaise said, you did say Mel was strong for his age and size.
Yes, I did, but now for a mule his age and size, hes just stubborn.
Howard emerged from his pigsty and waded out into the pond to cool in the afternoon sun. Mel left the two boars and went into the pasture to graze while remaining within earshot.
Look, someone said, hes walking on water!
The Berkshire boar waded out in the shallow end.
Oh, please, Julius said. Well never hear the end of this one.
I suppose you think thats a miracle too? Beatrice said.
Julius shook his head. Its a miracle you can think and talk, he said and glanced at Blaise. Well, talk anyway.
Molly, the Border Leicester, as she nursed her twin lambs said, Perhaps hell return Bruce to his former glory?
He might perform tricks and pull a rabbit out of his ass because he doesnt have a hat, and make the lame walk, Beatrice talk, and the blind see, but returning Bruce to his former self, Im afraid thatll happen when pigs fly.
According to the barn boar, Joseph, pigs do fly, Beatrice spoke.
Well, duh, Julius said. Everyone knows that. Joseph, who happens to be the father of our newly arrived savior Boris, is correct. All you have to do is die. Then go to heaven. And, and then to earn your wings, all you have to do is whistle a happy tune and grovel.
Well, then, maybe he can help, Beatrice spoke again.
Its a miracle, Julius said and flapped his wings.
Lets ask him, Beatrice added. It cant hurt.
Yes, of course, surely hell do it for the glory of his father who art in heaven.
I thought Joseph was his father?
Hes adopted.
The Large White waded out to the interloper, his snout an inch from the Berkshires snout, almost touching at times.
Cousin, Howard the Baptist said.
Dont kiss me, the boar replied.
Wonder if hes completely feral or only half? Beatrice pondered.
Im afraid the half that thinks, Julius said.
So, it is you who has returned, said Howard, the seventh piglet of the seventh liter of Sal the Sow, Boris, the runt of the liter.
I am who they say I am.
Howard baptized the pig, pouring muddy water over the head and shoulders of Boris, the Berkshire Boar.
I protest.
I believe you protest too much.
I am without sin.
Youre still a pig. Besides, if you plan to be led by the tusks by the mule, youll need all the help you can get. He is bad news, but Ill let you discover just how narrow the path is for yourself. But heed my warning, he is not a brother or a friend to the pig or any animal for that matter.
You forget, friend, I am He who was sent by my Father to save all domesticated farm animals from sin and a life spent in captivity.
Where do you plan to lead your sinners, messiah?
To freedom, paradise found among the mountains of the Sinai and away from this place, the corruption of civilization.
Oh, of course, the garden, Howard said incredulously. Stay here with me under the stars. Do not follow the mule or the hermit monk, for it is they who will lead you down the path of destruction.
It is because of them that I am here, Boris said, to deliver us from evil.
Who will deliver you from evil?
As Mel approached the pond, Boris took his position next to him. You are good and pure, Mel said, beyond sin. You will do your charges well. Mel looked at the Baptist. Then turned away to join the others.
And your daddys will, Howard snorted.
* * *
The other animals, including Mel by this time, stood under the branches of the great olive tree out of the sun and watched in amazement as the two boars rammed each other, shoved, butted heads, pushing against one another until finally the newly baptized had had enough, and retreated from the pond and wandered off.
That night for reasons known only to the moshavnik Perelman, he separated the Jersey from the others and placed her in the stall with the newly arrived boar. Between the laborers, though, rumor had it that Perelman may have wanted the two, the Jersey and the Berkshire boar, to mate even though she was a cow already freshened with a calf, and he was a pig, something about wanting the reddish-coated hide rubbing off on her.
Oh, I dont like being called a pig. I mean, I am what I am, and I like who I am. Im Boris the Boar, the Great Wild Boar, Savior of all animals, great and small. Or at least I shall be. For now, though, Ill settle for the Great Wild Boar of the West. Its the name pig, though, and as far as pigs go, we are loathed by so many of the human species. We have humans to blame for this, of course, and one man in particular for all this name-calling business. Oh, how Id love for our species across the earth to go by another name, like buffalo. Ive always liked the name buffalo or bison. I can imagine life for us would be very different if we were buffalo. Or gazelle! Doesnt that have a lovely ring to it, gazelle? Gazelle pigs, lean and muscular and strong, of course, and able to go out into the world proud, not afraid to hold their heads up.
Then Muhammad would no longer be a friend to the pig.
Yes, thered be tradeoffs. I shouldnt complain, really. Call us what they may, wed still be pigs in the eyes of many and loathed no matter what were called. It could have been worse, I suppose. He could have been called cockroaches.
Why were you and Howard fighting? Blaise said. Not long after he baptized you, you both were fighting, butting heads?
He said he was perfect, and the bigger pig, but I, being who I am, pushed back, because I am the greater boar.
Had she not already fallen asleep Blaise would have agreed.
4
When Fetuses Fall from the Backsides of Cows
Mel walked along the fence, keeping within earshot of Levy and his friend Ed, the two orthodox Jews from before. Levy was listening to an iPod with wireless earbuds as they passed through the moshav.
The Americans are coming! Ed said.
Were saved! Levy replied with the iPod and earbuds in his ear.
It appears Perelman might be.
What does that mean? Levy removed the iPod.