When the monk offered to take the demonic little evil mule for an exorcism, the Bedouin lowered the gun. I think Saint Anthony, the Hermit Monk of the Sinai Desert, wanted someone to talk to. The Bedouin donated the mule, mounted the camel, and rode off into the desert, never to be seen since that time. The hermit monk took the little tike under his dusty robe and led him into the desert where henceforth from that day forth neither of them was ever seen or heard from again. Okay, so I made that part up. He took Mel to raise and to protect and to teach whew, and did he ever! When the Jews settled and started moshavim in the area, this moshav was started. One day, fence and fence posts appeared from one end of the farm to the other end, and from the border to the road. The next day, when the fence went up from post to post, encompassing these pastures, Mel stood in the middle of everything, where hes been ever since, in the middle of everything.
Really, Beatrice said. Is any of this true?
All I know is what I hear. Then repeat it. Im like my father that way. Were parrots and great gossips who can never keep secrets. Of course, its true. You see the hermit monk of legend, and his protégé, the mule pope of legend too, dont you?
Where were you? Were you here, too, at the time?
Oh, please, this is not about me, but since you asked. I was but a little chick at the time, still in my cage, swinging on my perch, singing, learning art, philosophy, happy as a lark, living up there in the big house, when all of a sudden. Ill save that one for another time. Let it suffice to say it had something to do with my singing. I can sing too. Im talented and creative. Im left-taloned. Jesus, thank goodness they were Commie-bastard unorthodox Jews or Id be singing a different tune. Heres one of my personal favorites,
Nobody loves me, but my mother, and she could be jiving too . . .
(Spoken)
What I want to know now is what are we going to do?
Unlike Marvelous Mel the Magnificent, I cant answer that. The future doesnt reveal itself in little revelations doled out from personal prophecies. A small group of Muslims, mostly boys, from the nearby village, gathered stones. But wait! Dare I say, I think I know whats coming next? They started after the monk when he turned and disappeared into the desert walls of the Sinai. Arent mammals lovely, Julius said. Someday I plan to have one as a pet.
Mel moved away from the border to graze among the sheep and rams at the base of the terraced slopes.
Somebody has to keep that mule in check. What hes trying to do to the animals is very dangerous, preying on their ignorance and fears. Once it takes hold it will be almost impossible to undo and reverse the damage done.
Seriously, Julius, Beatrice said, what does it matter?
In the name of Jesus or some other such nonsense, The Holy See will see to it that were dead.
Whos that? asked one of the younger animals, a kid.
Its nothing, Blaise said.
Who is Jesus? asked a little lamb.
Never mind, Blaise said. Seriously, its nothing.
3
The Rabbi Cometh
Before the arrival of the red calf, Mel, the mule priest, revealed prophecy of things to come, namely a savior. A savior to save the animals from this world of human bondage.
Mel keeps going on about a messiah wholl save us from our misery, Blaise said. She and Beatrice walked through the pasture up the slope for the shade of the great olive tree. Elevate us from our suffering.
I dont know about you, Blaise. Im not doing so badly myself, Beatrice said, considering our present conditions. She and Blaise were both heavy with pregnancies.
Well, I should hope so, Blaise said, As Ive said, no one messes with you, not with a saddle, not with Stanley.
Yes, well obviously he did this time.
Yes, this time, Blaise laughed, but only because you wanted him to.
And now look at me! It was nice, though, just as Im sure it was for you and Bruce.
Please, Beatrice, Id rather not dwell on poor wonderful Bruce. Its awfully sad what happened, Im sorry.
Bruce, a shell of his former self, stood near the water tank in the feedlot behind the barn.
Yes, of course. Other than that, though, you seem to be all right.
Yes, well, I have you as a friend, dont I, Blaise said.
Yes, who said only birds of a feather flock together?
The end is nigh, shouted the yellow hen as she darted between them. Better have your houses in order, for the end is nigh.
Its a good thing were not birds then, dont you think?
I think Julius is beginning to rub off on you.
There are worse things, I suppose.
Blaise, youre all aglow in milk chocolate, and creamy too.
The laborers relieve me of the extra weight and pressure of the milk so sweetly. Not only that, but its almost a massage the way it feels. It tickles the gentle way they milk me.
I wouldnt know, Beatrice said. I imagine thats one molesting I wouldnt mind having, but as a horse, a mare, they dont bother.
The two friends stopped short of the shade offered by the olive tree. In the middle of the pasture stood a large unfamiliar animal down the slope near the back fence. As their eyes came into focus, adjusting to the distance and bright sunlight, they saw a strange-looking, and possibly feral boar. Although a Berkshire and typically black, with a white ring around its neck, this boar was lean, about 250 pounds, with a sun-dried, sun-bleached, reddish hide. He also had a pair of white tusks that protruded from his frothing jowls.
Julius flew over and landed in the branches of the olive tree. Were saved, he shouted and moved in the branches. Look, everybody, were saved, I tell you! Were saved. That pig has a plan and its written in stone.
Mel trotted from the barn out to greet the boar.
Is that mule trotting? Quick, somebody, get a camera so we can be witnesses to history or a conspiracy theory.
Mel met the boar in the middle of the pasture, not far from where Mel had once stood when the fence had come up around him. On the Egyptian side, the hermit monk of the Sinai Desert, Saint Anthony, glanced over his shoulder as he disappeared into the fabric of the desert walls, undetected by his Muslim neighbors.
Blaise, I believe those tusks a loosa.
I wouldnt know, Julius. Ive never been there.
What are you, wise?
Well, I should think so, Blaise said.
Wont you marry me, Blaise, or live with me in sin? What Im trying to say is Id like some chocolate milk, please.
Coming right up, sir, said Blaise.
What do you say we blow this joint and fly away together?
Julius, youre overlooking the fact that Im a cow and a very pregnant one at that.
I beg your pardon? No, I havent. As luck would have it, we happen to have our very own handy-dandy miracle worker just dropped in our backyard. Id be remiss if we didnt take it to him. I mean, if he cant midwife a calf and make a cow grow wings and fly, what kind of miracle worker is he? Blaise, if you wont fly, neither will I. But if you will, Ill meet you on the other side of the moon. Howd you like that, honeymoon over the moon?