Why on earth would I do that? His voice was even, unmoved.
I shrugged, irritated. Its a saying. Mothers in Victorian England told their daughters that sex was horrible, but it was their duty and they should lie back and think of England.
Its not my duty.
Dont be so damned literal.
Silence. I waited for him to approach me, but he didnt move from the chair. He simply watched me out of those bright blue eyes. In the distance I heard a clock chime one, and my stomach tightened. I was actually going to have sex with this supposedly nonhuman male who looked at me with no emotion whatsoever. Or, I could die.
I waited as long as I could, but patience had never been one of my virtues. So what do we do next?
He didnt answer. He didnt need to. I rose, nervous. I think Ill go take a shower before weerdo this. Where do you want to meet?
He simply looked up at me. Ill find you.
Oh. My. God. What the hell was I doing? The only thing I could do, I reminded myself. Maybe I was the one who had to close my eyes and think of England. He seemed totally uninterested in our upcoming sex. I only hoped he could perform on command, because I certainly wasnt the
seductive type. All right, then, I said, unable to hide my nervousness. Ill see you.
Yes.
Crap. I practically ran from the room, ran from him. What the hell had I just agreed to do?
SHE RAN FROM HIM. HE wasnt sure why. Probably because she knew her true self would be revealed once their clothes were off. Not that there was any trace of the demon on her smooth, lovely skin. Hed examined her carefully, and she had the body of a human woman. No sign at all of her demon origin. At least for now. He had no idea what would happen in the midst of coitus. She might turn into a snake or a dragon and devour him. The idea seemed faintly comical.
He should have known shed say yes eventually. It was her only chance. He wondered why she was nervous. In fact, she was as skittish as a virgin. Possibly because she knew that once she was naked and on top of him, shed no longer be able to hide her true nature.
And on top she would be. Shed been banished for a reason as stupid as the one hed been damned for. She had refused to submit, refused to be physically dominated. Refused to lie beneath her husband. And there was no room for a rebellious female in the world in which shed been created.
He could feel his blood pounding through him. Hed been counting on her refusal, and he would have dealt with it. Hed been a fool not to realize hed been bringing her to a certain death. Not that hed had a choice. Hed survived the Truth Breakers, but she was weaker. She would indeed be broken, and Beloch was not big on mercy.
If shed said no, he would have come up with a plan to get her out of there, though he had no idea how, or whether he even could. He had to remember that the truth was more important than one small female. So he would take her body. Her agreement was reluctant, which helped. She hated and feared himhed done his best to foster that. He had no doubt that her seductive nature would emerge, and he simply had to do his best to resist her siren lure. No man could resist her, but he wasnt a man. He could take her, fuck her, and thered be no tie, no bond. His body could do what it had to do, and he could take his release as a physical act, nothing more. The Lilith wanted total capitulation, but he would never give her that. It wasnt in his nature. He refused to accept the prophecy. He would kill her himself before that came to pass.
But it wouldnt. He rose, went into his bathroom, and took a cold shower, the icy pellets pounding his skin. It did nothing to cool the desire that curled in the pit of his gut. Real triumph would be not to want her. Not to grow hard at the thought of being inside her.
But that triumph was out of reach. He could no more control his physical reaction than he could bring Sarah back. But he could control everything else.
He wasnt going to dress, but if he went to her naked shed see his arousal, and it would give her too much of an advantage. He pulled on his jeans, carefully, and went in search of her.
It was time.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I STAYED IN THE SHOWER UNTIL THE skin on my fingers puckered and the steamy water started to turn cold, and even then I considered putting up with it for another half hour rather than face what was waiting for me. I couldnt remember sex, except for the relatively unsatisfying times with Rolf. Surely I must have enjoyed it at some point in my life, but if I had, those memories were lost. I couldnt even remember much about Rolf, except that I was always on top. And it didnt help.
But it was like riding a bicycle, I expected. Once you learned, it was easy enough to go through the motions. Besides, most of it would be up to Azazel.
But I was nervous enough, and the cold water was making me ready to jump out of my skin, so reluctantly I turned off the faucet and stepped from the shower, which was surprisingly modern for a house better suited to the nineteenth century.