I fututum te ipsum
Go in order to fuck yourself
INFINITIVE WITH IMPERSONAL VERB
Te oportet futuere tete
It behooves you to go fuck yourself
PASSIVE PERIPHRASTIC
Tu tibi futuendus (futuendave) es
It is required of you to go fuck yourself
POTENTIAL SUBJUNCTIVE
Velim te futuas
I should like you to fuck yourself
SUBSTANTIVE CLAUSE OF PURPOSE
Te rogo ut futuas te ipsum
I beseech you to fuck yourself
GENITIVE OF PURPOSE
I tete futuendi gratia
Go for the sake of fucking yourself
FUTURE CONDITIONAL, LESS VIVID
Si te futuas, gaudeam
If you should go fuck yourself, I would rejoice
FUTURE CONDITIONAL, MORE VIVID
Se te futueris gaudebo
If you will have gone and fucked yourself, I will rejoice
PRESENT CONDITIONAL, CONTRARY TO FACT
Si te futueres, gauderem
If you were fucking yourself, I would be rejoicing
PAST CONDITIONAL, CONTRARY TO FACT
Se te futuisses, gavisus (gavisave) essem
If you had fucked yourself, I would have rejoiced
FUTURE PARTICIPLE DENOTING INTENTION OR LIKELIHOOD
Tete fututure, te saluto
You who are about to go fuck yourself, I salute you
FUTURE IMPERATIVE
Tete futuito
Make it your policy to fuck yourself
ABLATIVE ABSOLUTE
Te fututo, gaudeo
You having been fucked, I rejoice
You Know You May Be a Roman IfSCIAS TE FORTASSE ROMANUM ESSE SI
you often forget what you were going to say before you get to the verb
saepe quid habeas in animo dicere priusquam ad verbum pervenias, obliviscaris
you think only superstitious sissies are afraid of volcanoes
credas molles superstitiosos solos timere montes Volcanios
you can eat and have sex at the same time
simul cenare et futuere possis
you have ever used a chariot in a bar fight
umquam in taberna curru proeliatus sis
you never make major business decisions without first cutting open a sheep
nunquam de negotio magni momenti decernas sine extispicio
your most recent domestic crisis was a slave revolt
discrimen apud te recentissimum tumultus fuerit servilis
you know anyone who married his own mother or was raised by wolves
quempiam cognoscas qui matrem suam in matrimonium duxerit vel sit a lupis alitus
you have a statue of yourself holding a sword in one hand and the severed head of a Belgian in the other
possideas statuam tui, tenentem manu dextra gladium, manu sinistra caput amputatum Belgae
you compliment the chef by throwing up
coquum vomendo in mensam conlaudes
you have a personal poisoner on your staff
unus ex officialibus tuis propriis est venenarius
the only vegetarian you ever met had hooves
numquam phytophagis occurreris nisi ungulatis
your idea of a party
animal is a goat
animal convivialissimum arbitreris esse caprum
your car has sword blades welded to its wheels
habeas currum falcatum
there are usually about three hundred other people in the tub when you take a bath
plerumque, cum laveris, adsint in calidario tecum alii fere trecenti
you think it would be really cool to be Greek
putes esse lepidissimum Graecari
you stay home all day if you see a woodpecker over your left shoulder or hear an owl
domi maneas totum diem cum post tergum conspicias a sinistra picum, vel audias bubonem
youre never surprised to discover that the guy running the empire is a moron, a pervert, or a lunatic
numquam admireris te invenire gubernatorem imperii fatuum esse, vel pravum, vel vesanum
Restaurant Tude-BILIS IN POPINA
Nomen mihi est Dominus-hodie vobiscum cenabo
My sign is, I sign the check
Natus sum signo signantis syngrapham
The only thing I wish to know about you is where the hell you are when I want something
De te scire volo solum ubi gentium sis cum alicuius indigeam
If those entrées are so special, why arent they on the menu?
Si quidem illa fercula tantum praestant, cur in epularum indice non sunt?
Exactly how fresh is that pepper?
Quam recenter lectum est hoc piper?
Why do you put it in a mill the size of a war-trumpet?
Quamobrem id ponis in molina tanta quanta tuba est?
This is indeed a very impressive wine list, if youre in the mood for a bottle of grape-flavored rust remover that costs as much as a new sofa
Haec tabula vinorum grandia pollicetur cuicumque sit in animo bibere ex ampulla liquoris qui sapit uvas et solvit ferruginem et stat tanti quanti lectus novus
My compliments to the chef-the empire lost a truly inspired poisoner when he decided to go to cooking school
Summam coquo laudem tribuo-imperium venefico ingeniosissimo privatum est cum ille scholam coquinariam obire statuit
No dessert, thanks, unless it contains the antidote
Benigne, secundam mensam non requiro, nisi antidotum continet
Id have written in a smaller tip but there is no Roman numeral for a nickel
In syngrapha munusculum minus inscripsissem, sed non est littera Romana quae Ioachimici vicesimam significat
Ill be sure to recommend this place to my friends
Zago, zagas, zagat
Winespeak-DICTA ARBITRI VINI
Vinum peralbum cretosum est, resinam terebinthinam et cerussam redolens, nec sine polimine nitido durabili
Its a pointless little red wine with a unique balance of ignorance and pretension made by an obnoxious millionaire Napa Valley dilettante for self-important dumb-lucky dickheads just like him