“I know… I’m seeing Taninha,” he says, bringing the picture of that red-haired bitch to my mind. She goes out with anyone who pays for her drinks. I remain silent, but I can feel his eyes on me. “What?”
“What what?” I ask, feeling confused.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“And what do you want me to say? That you deserve better than that whore from Tito’s bar? You already know that.” I frown and he laughs.
“That’s why you’re my best friend. You always talk me up.” The sound of his hoarse laugh raises all the hair from my neck. “And what about you? Are going out?
“I’m having pizza with my next-door neighbor. Maybe later, I’m going out for a drink.”
“Hmm… by yourself?”
“Are you keeping track of me now?” He seems embarrassed all of a sudden.
“No, Malu. I’m just… making conversation.” The doorbell rings again and he opens it. A couple of seconds later, rocket-boy enters my atelier and I manage to hold him before he has time to throw anything on the floor.
“Excuse me, Malu. Your… oh, that’s beautiful!” Clara is interrupted by the sight of my unfinished painting.
“It’s not ready yet.”
“But it’s wonderful! You’re very talented,” she says making me flush. “Sorry to break in, but your boyfriend said it’s okay.”
“Boyfriend?” I frown upon her comment. “Who? Rafa?” She looks at me confused. “We’re just friends.”
“Oh, sorry… well, he said I could come inside. I was supposed to come and call you for that pizza, but if you’re busy…”
“No, Clara. Rafa is family. Can I take a quick shower?”
“Sure, it’s still baking. If he wants to join us…” At this moment, Rafa come inside the atelier holding a beer.
“Are you up for a pizza, Rafa?”
“Sure! Can I take my beer?” He laughs and I punch his shoulder on my way out.
“My beer, you mean.” Clara looks at us with an amused smile.
“All you have is mine.”
“Yeah, right!”
“You most certainly can take your beer,” says Clara with a smile. “I’ll wait for you guys at home. Just push the door open.”
****
Our evening was lots of fun. Clara, Rafa and I kept talking when, by eight-thirty, while cute five-year-old Bruninho was already asleep on the couch, Rafa left to take a shower and go on a date with his whore.
“You guys are great together. Have you never thought about dating?” Clara asks me with a hint of smile.
“We’re kind of friends with benefits. We don’t do relationships.”
“What do you mean?”
“We don’t believe in love, romance or happily ever after. Actually, every time you love, you suffer, you lose. You suffer for betrayals, break-ups, harsh words. You lose when you break up with someone, when someone dies, when someone leaves you for another person. Loving simply is not worth the risk. It’s better to keep your heart safe. I don’t even know if love really exists or if it’s just an invention made up by the media for profits.
“Gosh, Malu… now I feel sad. A young girl like you having such a cynical view of life. I can tell you for sure that love does exist. And I lived it at its fullest.
“But you’ve lost it…” I try not to be so harsh and hurt her.
“Yes. But I wouldn’t change our moments together for anything in the world. Breno showed me, even in the end, all the love he felt for us. He fought for us, so he could have the longest possible period by our side. Even at his worst days, beaten by his disease, he always had something to say that was filled with love and hope.” She wipes a tear that escaped from her eyes. “Don’t be afraid to love who’s worthy of loving. You deserve to love and be loved.”
I smile at her, touched by her words. I think about Rafa but shake my head, trying to shake his handsome figure off my find.
“Thank you, Clara. I’ll take everything you said under consideration. Maybe life will prove me wrong, right?
I smile and tell good-bye, so I can get ready to go out.