8. About path-guiding of Moisha Rabinovich.
In short, Jamgimen, in the head of Moisha, went to the Chujsky valley. Long and long they went there. The people started to ascent the fucking-up to Jamgick himself. By-turn Moisha persuaded jamgimen as he could, like: All fine, in short, were almost there. And so they went further. Generation of jamgimen has passed but there was no sight of the valley. They have exhausted all their stocks. At that moment Moisha decided to contact Jamgick himself. So was dip to the astral world (computer network of those days) and sent a letter to Jamgick: People demand bread, grass and circuses. Something must be done. And so Jamgick had sent Moisha a fax with holy conceptions of true jamgiman. Here is the full text of this letter:
Jamgick is the main god, as he is a real dude. Those who say that Jamgick isnt real is a hell of a deadman walking. Jamgick has a full name, that is Abdul-Jamja Valdemarovich Ibn-Chupakabra Singh-Zilberman. Jamgick created the Earth and all the inhabitant dudes. All the birds have to acknowledge Jamgick asa real guy. All the people, oder guys, oder dudes are named jamgimen. Every real jamgiman must live by the rules.
Rules:
1. Dont polish off other guys.
2. Dont pinch.
3. Dont wax other dudes and chicks.
4. Dont say that Jamgick is not a real man. Damn, Jamgick is a dudester.
5. Dont come up with different glitch stuff, which would replace you pot and hemp.
6. Jamgick is a real man, he is the supreme dude and no other is higher above him.
7. So there are seven days got it? Jamgick says: Real men work hard all week, and then at Saturday they sleep on their beds and smoke some pot. People would ask: What about Sunday? and Sunday is katzenjammer!
8. Jamgick says: Every man has to respect his ancestors. Otherwise is fatality will be.
9. Dont feel your neighbors mouth, cause jamga will come and fucking hara-kiri will be for you!
10. Jamgick doesnt care about your moral and material appearance in this world.
Yours Sincerely, Jamgick.
Then, in short, Moisha came to jamgimen with all that pot and got stoned. Most of the people got trashed with heroin and raised a monument to Matur, sovereign god of maturgans. What the hell! In every hole and in the crotch crack Im gonna pump you dry, said Moisha to jamgimen gently. And from that moment lots of repressions piled up from Moisha and Jamgick. Every junkie was impaled and stringed up on a gibbet, all the others forced to memorize War and Peace. After mass genocide jamgimen went forward. They went and went. And then hunger came upon them, all the pot stock swapped on food. And then Moisha started begging. And Jamgick sent them heavenly jamga and beer of Karaganda, and the people satisfied their hunger. Eventually Moisha died somewhereby the road, before he reached the Chujsky valley, but his people did and they established there new city called Ahalay-Mahalay.
9. On the 2nd war with maturganchiks or war after Pumpururum.
About one hundred years ago a wise and a fair ruler Hashish Maganbershovich governed the Second Folk Republic of Jamgiland, as Jamgimen named their new state. He became famous for extended the borders of the republic to the hemp fieldsof Afghanistan. The republic prospered and became basis of peaceful international relations. Anyway, but in the west there were dark business with participation of maturganchiks. With the help of diplomacy, bribes and force, they achieved the destruction of wall and confession of the fascist state in a world association. In union with the puppet state of Pumpururum (being in the neighbourhood with the Second Folk Republic Jamgiland) they founded the union of Tupakaban, having a goal to take fertile earths of Jamgiland and set them with different muck. Aggression, that was undertaken by maturganchiks, was based on permanent boundary collisions with Jamgimen, but in one not very much zany day, the army of Tupakabana passed a border and began to bump off peaceful citizens from crapguns. Hashish ordered his troops to gather and go out to the borders of the republic, but there was an autumn, and it was rather difficult to collect an army, because all flew away in nirvana after the great day of liberation (on November, the 7th). Well and Hashish made statements on radio: Hey, people, you are sweaty dude, dont you understand anything. Till you grab some grub, rotten maturganchiks took Kem. Such problems we have, and you, damn Jamgimen you are great people. You were bumped off, and you got up on feet and hollowed all the way.
But now time changed and a grass is not a controlling thing in our life, in fact our freedom is set on a stake. Hey, men, be my guest on raising the country. You are the real fighters and all are end, who are against you. Maturganchiks-freaks will go away from our earths, and after our victory we will arrange such booze-up that all cunt will come.
Get up a country is enormous,
Get up on a death fight
With fascist force dark
All will be a tryn-grass.
The Fucking-Up has reached people and they finally pulled up their socks. The Jamgimens army was gathered ina moment. And now on the battlefield face to face there are two hand-picked armies of two unappeasable cities: Maturgan (The Servants of Evil army) and Ahalay-Mahalay (One-night Stand army). Our guys wore the red uniform, hostiles the blue one. Guests were the first to take the initiative; they even dared to give a bloody nose to our officers. And the only respond the red guys could give, was to make some distant slams towards the guests left flank. By the thirty minute One-nights took a chance for countercharge supported widely by the defense regiments in the trains area. A couple of times the guests General helped them out with his adroit defense commanding. Still, by the time of a break the hosts succeeded to open a score the right hand rifles section has been completely knocked out. After a little rest the guests took a plunge into an adventure, throwing the trains for attack. And its been their last and critical mistake in the match. Jamgimen burst into the center and crashed the whole central platoon nimbly; they had exterminated the General and the good halfof his defenders. Domination of the Reds lasted till the very ending of the match. At last there comes the final whistle, everyone rush to whack the Blue ones. Hashish cries out Whack the gaylords! and the circle with the locked-on maturganers started to shrink (and so did the gigi by the way). Suddenly the huge Pumpurums platoon showed underhandedly. Trick bag said Hashish and rushed to the battle in the first flight. Having whacked twenty six deadbeats from the neighboring country Hashish missed the sudden kick at his jaw made with a baseball club (made of aluminum) and then had been taken to the intensive care. Now Brigadier General of liberation army in the Fucking-Shitty region Ykvambur Armorwind Chimny took the command. He gripped AK and with the yell Tweak the dickheads ass! dashed to a battle, just like Hashish did before. The battle lasted for three days and three nights and, finally, on the dawn of the fourth day, the exhausted troops of Jamgiland risked for the last maneuver. They had dug a huge gap underneath the Pumpurums camp and sent it into the pit of hell. The celebration of the victory lasted for twenty weeks and the three-year stockpile of pot, which has become six fold cheaper now, has been smoked out. Hashish recovered and presented Chimny with the medal of Marks the Saint. Pumpurums and maturganchiks fate had been determined after the celebration. Pumpurum was transformed into Proletary-Potty High Republic (as a part of Jamgiland), while the maturganchiks were deported to the immense vastness of Sahara Desert, that has thrown them back for a several centuries in their evolution. But with this war some independent sects have appearedin the Jamgihism teachings