Constructive methods of communication with a problematic person
1. Passive listening:
keeping silence;
empathic approval (Uh-huh, Yeah, I understand, nodding);
Gate-opening (Your story was so interesting. Would you mind to tell me something else?).
2. Active listening:
pronouncing (the interlocutor repeats word for word statement of the partner. However, he can start with introductory phrases:
From what I understand, In other words, In your opinion);
paraphrasing (the interlocutor reproduces the statement of the partner in short, generalized form, summarizing the most significant things in his words. He can start with introductory phrases: As I understood, your main ideas are, So);
the interlocutor tries to derive a logical consequence from the statements of the partner or to put forward an assumption regarding the reasons for the statement of the partner. At the same time, he can begin with an introductory phrase (If we proceed from what you said, then it turns out that, Apparently, you think so because).
Olga Vladimirovna Tsyganova, 28, economist, lost 110 lbs I was very lucky with the group. There were only nine of us, as it was a morning group. I felt like a part of the team. There was a pleasant and comfortable atmosphere. The others were very understanding. I was finally able to talk about things that bothered me. I listened to others and realized that I was not the only one in the world facing this problem. Weve got everything in the class: laughter, tears, and interesting discussions. I went out inspired, charged with a lot of positive energy. Thats when I understood: I can do it!
Things leading to eating disorder
Now well discuss the following topic: The typical scheme of eating disorder.
Should we write it down?
Yes. You have to write it down. To make the explanation more entertaining, Ill tell you a fairy-tale. Once good people told me a fairy-tale. Now I tell it from time to time at my sessions. Its a story about a woman. Would you mind it, Victor?
Me? No!
Fine. So, its a fairy-tale about a woman. She is not twenty. She is not sixty How old is she?
Forty.
OK. Forty. Fine. Her name was Zina. Has she got a family?
Of course.
Its a nice fairy-tale. Husband and children?
If the tale is nice, then shes got all of them.
Yes, shes got a husband and children.
Who knows?
So, Ksenya has got another idea: Why are you so sure that the fairy-tale is kind-hearted if the woman has got a husband? You should see Victors face now.
OK. Shes got a husband. How many children?
Two.
A couple of kids. What about pets? Cats or dogs?
A cat.
Sure.
A cat. No dog. Right?
Right.
No dog. So, the woman has got a cat, two children, and a husband. By the way, he is at the end of the list for some reason.
What does she do for a living?
She is an accountant.
Accountant as an option. Lets generalize it. She works in the office. You know, there is a catchword manager, a person that you can find in every office.
A manager.
Yes, exactly. A white-collar worker. She is a manager. Has she got some excess weight at forty?
Certainly.
Of course, she gave birth to two kids.
Once, when the woman was cleaning her apartment, in some far corner, or maybe under a cabinet, she found something. Zina took it out, wiped the dust off. The last time she saw it was six months ago. It was her who pushed it under the cabinet in a fit of temper. A small tool on four legs.
A weight scale?
Yes. Zina puts it in front of her, on the floor. She wonders whether her weight has changed for the last six months. Zina feels in her heart that things go wrong.
and pushes the scale back under the cabinet
No, she doesnt! She decides to check her weight with the scale.
Zina stands on scales measuring her weight and sees.
Oh, I can imagine that
Just like in the song: Amber saw the three-figure number.
Did you watch the official video for the song?
Its an amazing song. Whats its name? Let me check.
She stands on a scale.
Yes, precisely. Its She stands on a scale song. If you havent watched it yet, search for it on Google. Its really amazing. Its a bit obscene, though.
Well, Zina stands on a scale and finds out that she gained twenty pounds. What does she think about it?
It might be a mistake.
Certainly! Perhaps the scale is out of order.
Its dirty, dusty.
Or she overate yesterday.
Yeah, exactly! Besides, her clothes may be too heavy, right? Are your clothes heavy usually? Of course. Maybe Zina hasnt gone for a dump yet.
or hasnt washed away all the make-up.
So, she didnt gain any weight.
Yes! Although its a bit upsetting, Zina forgot about it soon enough.
Another year passes by.
Zina stands on the scale again and finds out that she has gained another twenty pounds. Forty pounds in total. For illustrative purposes, Ill demonstrate what it means when you gain forty pounds. Look at the corner of the room, please. Do you see the vessel for a water dispenser? Nineteen liters and a container. It weighs forty pounds or so.
Imagine that its not water, but fat plashing there.
The adipose tissue is riddled with blood and lymphatic vessels. The heart is beating, trying to push the blood through these numerous miles of capillary vessels. Your heart, joints, and spine are overloaded. To make it clearer, you carry the load on your shoulders. It is heavy. And this is how Zina walks now. She sleeps with the load, lays with it in the bed. Zina wakes up in the morning, cleans her teeth, takes a shower, goes to the kitchen, feeds her family, does all the chores, and then Where does she go then? To the office. She works there all day long, running in and out. And the heavy load her excess weight accompanies her everywhere. She settled all the issues, typed on her computer, talked by phone. Finally, her working day is over. Where does Zina go then?
She goes home.
I wish she did. But she goes to a store at first.
And she leaves it with numerous packets.
Of course, she has bags full of food. Now imagine that a woman has more than one bottle on her shoulders. What if she has two bottles weighing forty pounds each?
She comes home. Her hands are full, so she opens the door with her forehead somehow. Ups, the family is already there waiting for her.