I was doing pretty well there for a while, I objected. I think I was about fifteen hundred dollars to the good before I started losing. Ill win that back in just a few hours, the way the pots have been running.
You broke your string, son, Riker said softly, looking out over the water. You been losin cause you was ashamed of yourself for what you done to that heavyset boy.
I still think he had it coming to him, I insisted.
I aint arguin that, Riker said. Like as not he did. What Im sayin, son, is that youre ashamed of yourself for bein the one that come down on him like you done. I been watchin you, and you aint set easy since that hand. Funny thing about luckit wont never come to a man who dont think hes got it comin. Do yourself a favor and stay out of the game. Youre only gonna lose from here on out.
I was going to argue with him, but I had the sudden cold certainty that he was right. I looked out at the dark ocean. I guess maybe the bit about the pants was going a little too far, I admitted.
Yeah, he said, your buddys watch woulda been plenty.
Maybe I will stay out of the game, I said. Im about all pokered out anyway.
Yeah, he said, well be gettin home pretty quick anyway.
Couple, three days, I guess.
Well, he said, Im gonna turn in. Been nice talkin to you, son. He turned and walked off down the deck.
Good night, Sergeant Riker, I called after him.
He waved his hand without looking back.
So I quit playing poker. I guess Ive always been a sucker for fatherly advice. Somehow I knew that Riker was right though. Whatever the reason, Id lost the feeling Id had that the cards were going to fall my way no matter what anybody tried to do to stop them. If Id have gone back the next day, theyd have cleaned me out. So the next day I watched the ocean, or read, and I didnt think about poker.
Two days later we slid into New York Harbor. It was early morning and foggy. We passed the Statue and then stacked up out in the bay, waiting for a tug to drag us the rest of the way in. We all stood out on deck watching the sun stumble up out of the thick banks of smoke to blearily light up the buildings on Manhattan Island.
Its a funny feeling, coming home when you dont really have anything to come home to. I leaned back against a bulkhead, watching all the other guys leaning over the rail. I think I hated every last one of them right then.
Two grubby tugboats finally came and nudged us across the bay to a pier over in Brooklyn. Early as it was, there must have been a thousand people waiting. There was a lot of waving and shouting back and forth, and then they all settled down to wait. The Armys good at that kind of thing.
Benson dragged his duffle bag up to where I was and plunked it down on the deck. I still hadnt told him I had his watch. I didnt want him selling it again so he could get back in the game.
Hey, Alders, he puffed, I been lookin for you all over this fuckin tub.
Ive been right here, kid.
Feels good, gettin home, huh? he said.
Its still a long way to Seattle, I told him. His enthusiasm irritated hell out of me.
You know what I mean.
Sure.
You think maybe they might fly us out to the West Coast?
I doubt it, I said. I expect a nice long train ride.
Shit! He sounded disgusted. Youre probably right though. The way my lucks been goin lately, theyll probably make me walk.
Youre just feeling picked on.
Eventually, they started unloading us. Those of us bound for West-Coast and Midwest separation centers were loaded on buses and then we sat there.
I watched the mass family reunion taking place in the dim gloom under the high roof of the pier. There was a lot of crying and hugging and so forth, but we werent involved in any of that. I wished to hell we could get going.
After about a half hour the buses started and we pulled away from the festivities. I slouched low in the seat and watched the city slide by. Several of the guys were pretty boisterous, and the bus driver had to tell them to quiet down several times.
Look, Benson said, nudging me in the ribs. Eine amerikanische Fräulein.
Quit showing off, I said, not bothering to look.
What the hells buggin you? he demanded.
Im tired, Benson.
You been tired all your life. Wake up, man. Youre home.
Big goddamn deal.
He looked hurt, but he quit pestering me.
After theyd wandered around for a while, the guys who were driving the buses finally found a train station. There was a sergeant there, and he called roll, got us on the train, and then hung around to make sure none of us bugged out. Thats Army logic for you. You couldnt have gotten most of those guys off that train with a machine gun.
After they got permission from the White House or someplace, the train started to move. I gave the sergeant standing on the platform the finger by way of farewell. I was in a foul humor.
First there was more city, and then we were out in the country.
We in Pennsylvania yet? Benson asked.
I think so.
How many states we gonna go through before we get back to Washington?
Ten or twelve. Im not sure.
Shit! Thatll take weeks.
Itll just seem like it, I told him.
Im dyin for a drink.
Youre too young to drink.
Oh, bullshit. Trouble is, Im broke.
Dont worry about it, Kid. Ill buy you a drink when they open the club car.
Thanks, he said. That game cleaned me out.
I know.
We watched Pennsylvania slide by outside.
Different, huh? Benson said.
Yeah, I agreed. More than just a little bit.
But its home, man. Its all part of the same country.
Sure, Kid, I said flatly.
You dont give a shit about anything, do you, Alders? Sometimes Benson could be pretty sharp. Being in Germany, winning all that money in the game, coming homenone of it really means anything to you, does it?
Dont worry about it, Kid. I looked back out the window.
He was right though. At first Id thought I was just coolthat Id finally achieved a level of indifference to the material world thats supposed to be the prelude to peace of mind or whatever the hell you call it. The last day or so, though, Id begun to suspect that it was more just plain, old-fashioned alienation than anything elseand thats a prelude to a vacation at the funny-farm. So I looked out at the farmland and the grubby backsides of little towns and really tried to feel something. It didnt work.
A couple guys came by with a deck of cards, trying to get up a game. They had me figured for a big winner from the boat, and they wanted a shot at my ass. I was used up on poker though. Id thought about what Riker had told me, and I decided that I wasnt really a gambler. I was a bad winner. At least I could have let that poor bastard keep his pants, for Christs sake. The two guys with the cards got a little snotty about the whole thing, but I ignored them and they finally went away.
You oughta get in, Benson said, his eyes lighting up.