Морган Райс - Transmission стр 7.

You think thats what Im doing with these visions? Kevin asked. He shook his head. Theyre real. Im not making them up.

Can I tell you what I think, Kevin? I think a part of you might be attached to these visions because its helping you to think that your illness might be happening for some kind of greater good. I think that maybe these visions are actually you trying to make sense of your illness. The imagery in them theres a strange place that isnt like the normal world. Could that represent the way things have changed?

I guess, Kevin said. He wasnt convinced. The things hed seen werent about some world where he didnt have his disease. They were about a place he didnt understand at all.

Then you have the sense of impending doom with fire and light, Dr. Yalestrom said. The sense of things coming to an end. You even have a countdown, complete with numbers.

The numbers werent a part of the countdown; that was just the slow pulsing, growing faster bit by bit. Kevin suspected that he wasnt going to convince her of that now. When adults had decided what the truth of something was, he wasnt going to be able to change their minds.

So what can I do? Kevin asked. If you think they arent real, shouldnt I want to get rid of them?

Do you want to get rid of them? Dr. Yalestrom asked.

Kevin thought about that. I dont know. I think they might be important, but I didnt ask for them.

The same way that you didnt ask to be diagnosed with a degenerative brain disease, Dr. Yalestrom said. Maybe those two things are linked, Kevin.

Kevin had already been thinking that his visions were linked to the disease in some way. That maybe it had changed his brain enough to be receptive to the visions. He didnt think that was what the psychiatrist meant, though.

So what can I do? Kevin asked again.

There are things you can do, not to make them go away, but at least to be able to cope.

Such as? Kevin asked. He had to admit to a moment of hope at the thought. He didnt want all of this going around and around in his head. He hadnt asked to be the one receiving messages that no one else understood, and that just made him look crazy when he spoke about them.

You can try to find things to distract yourself from the hallucinations when they come, Dr. Yalestrom said. You can try reminding yourself that it isnt real. If youre in doubt, find ways to check. Maybe ask someone else if theyre seeing the same thing. Remember, its okay to see whatever you see, but how you react to it is up to you.

Kevin guessed he could remember all that. Even so, it did nothing to quiet the faint pulse of the countdown, thrumming in the background, getting faster a little at a time.

And I think you need to tell the people who dont know, Dr. Yalestrom said. It isnt fair to them to keep them in the dark about this.

She was right.

And there was one person he needed to let know more than anyone else.

Luna.

CHAPTER FOUR

So, Luna said, as she and Kevin made their way along one of the paths of the Lafayette Reservoir Recreation Area, dodging around the tourists and the families enjoying their day out, why have you been avoiding me?

Trust Luna to get straight to the point. It was one of the things Kevin liked about her. Not that he liked her liked her. People always seemed to assume that. They thought because she was pretty, and blonde, and probably cheerleader material if she didnt think all that was stupid, that of course they would be boyfriend and girlfriend. They just assumed that it was how the world worked.

They werent together. Luna was his best friend. The person he spent the most time with, outside of school. Probably the one person in the world he could talk to about absolutely anything.

Except, it turned out, this.

I havent been Kevin trailed off in the face of Lunas stare. She was good at stares. Kevin suspected that she probably practiced. Hed seen everyone from bullies to rude store owners back down rather than have her stare at them any longer. Faced with that stare, it was impossible to lie to her. All right, I have, but its hard, Luna. I have something well, something I dont know how to tell you.

Oh, dont be stupid, Luna said. She found an abandoned soda can and kicked it down the path, flicking it from foot to foot with the kind of skill that came from doing it far too often. I mean, how bad can it be? Are you moving away? Are you changing schools again?

Maybe she caught something in his expression, because she fell silent for a few seconds. There was something fragile about that silence, as if both of them were tiptoeing to avoid breaking it. Even so, they had to. They couldnt just walk like this forever.

Something bad then? she said, sending the can into a trash container with a final flick of her foot.

Kevin nodded. Bad was one word for it.

How bad?

Bad, he said. The reservoir?

The reservoir was the place they both went when they wanted to sit down and talk about things. Theyd talked about Billy Hames liking Luna when they were nine, and about Kevins cat, Tiger, dying when they were ten. None of it seemed like a good preparation for this. He wasnt a cat.

They made their way down to the edge of the water, looking out at the trees on the far side, the people with their canoes and their paddle boats on the reservoir. Compared to some of the places they went, this was nice. People assumed Kevin was the kid from the wrong side of town leading Luna astray, but she was the one with the knack for squeezing past fences and clambering up derelict buildings, leaving Kevin to follow if he could. Here, there was none of that, just the water and the trees.

What is it? Luna asked. She kicked off her shoes and dangled her feet in the water. Kevin didnt feel like doing the same. Right then, he wanted to run, to hide. Anything to keep from telling her the truth. It felt as though, the longer he could keep from telling Luna, the longer it wasnt really real.

Kevin? Luna said. Youre worrying me now. Look, if you dont tell me what it is, then Im going to call your mom and find out that way.

No, dont do that, Kevin said quickly. Im not sure Mom isnt handling this well.

Luna was looking more worried by the moment. Whats wrong? Is she sick? Are you sick?

Kevin nodded at the last one. Im sick, he said. He put his hand on Lunas shoulder. I have something called leukodystrophy. Im dying, Luna.

He knew hed said it too quickly. Something like that, there should be a whole big explanation, a proper build-up, but honestly, that was the part of it that mattered.

She stared at him, shaking her head in obvious disbelief. No, you cant be, thats

She hugged him then, tight enough that Kevin could barely breathe.

Tell me its a joke. Tell me its not real.

I wish it werent, Kevin said. He wished that more than anything right then.

Luna pulled back, and Kevin could see her screwing her features tight with the effort of not crying. Normally, Luna was good at not crying about things. Now, though, he could see it taking everything she had.

This how long? she asked.

They said maybe six months, Kevin said.

And that was days ago, so its less now, Luna shot back. And youve been having to cope with it on your own, and She faded into silence as the sheer enormity of it obviously hit her.