True, Paula hadnt been forced to watch her daughter die.
But surely losing ones only child was even worse than what Riley had suffered.
Paulas capacity for selfless empathy always astonished Riley.
Paula kept on speaking in a soothing voice.
Grief never goes away, I dont suppose. Maybe we shouldnt want it to. What would we become if I forgot Justin or you forgot your mother? I dont ever want to become that hard. As long as I still hurt and grieve, I feel human and alive. Its a part of who we both are, Riley.
Riley blinked back a tear.
As always, Paula was telling her exactly what she needed to hear.
But as always, it wasnt easy.
Paula continued, And look at what youve done with your life protecting others, pursuing justice. Your loss has helped make you who you are a champion, a good and caring person.
A single sob broke out of Rileys throat.
Oh, Paula. I wish things didnt have to be like this for either of us. I wish I could have
Paula interrupted.
Riley, we talk about this every year. My daughters killer will never be brought to justice. Its nobodys fault, and I dont blame anybody. Least of all you. It was never your case to begin with. Its not your responsibility. Everybody else did the best they could. The best thing you can do is just talk to me. And that makes my life ever so much better.
Im sorry about Justin, Riley said.
Thank you. It means a lot to me.
Riley and Paula agreed to talk again next year, then ended the call.
Riley sat quietly alone in her office.
Talking with Paula was always emotionally difficult, but most of the time it made Riley feel better.
Today Riley only felt worse.
Why was that?
Too much is going wrong, Riley realized.
Today, all the troubles in her life seemed to be linked together.
And somehow, she couldnt help blaming herself for all the loss, for all the pain.
At least she didnt feel like crying anymore. Crying certainly didnt help. Besides, Riley had some routine paperwork to do today. She settled down at her desk and tried to work.
*Later that afternoon, Riley drove straight from Quantico to Brody Middle School. Jilly was already waiting on the sidewalk when Riley pulled up to the curb.
Jilly jumped into the passenger seat.
Ive been waiting here for fifteen minutes! she said. Hurry! Well be late for the game!
Riley chuckled a little.
Were not going to be late, she said. Were going to be just in time.
Riley drove on toward Aprils high school.
As she drove, Riley began to worry again.
Had Ryan come to the house during the day to pick up his things?
And when and how was she going to break the news to the girls that he was gone?
Whats the matter? Jilly asked.
Riley hadnt realized that her face had betrayed her feelings.
Nothing, she said.
Its not nothing, Jilly said. I can tell.
Riley held back a sigh. Like April and Riley herself, Jilly was nothing if not observant.
Should I tell her now? Riley wondered.
No, this wasnt the time. They were on their way to watch April play in a soccer game. She didnt want to ruin the afternoon with bad news.
Its really nothing, she said.
Riley parked at Aprils school minutes before the game was to start. She and Jilly headed toward the viewer stands, which were already pretty crowded. Riley realized that maybe Jilly was right maybe they should have arrived sooner.
Where can we sit? Riley asked.
Up there! Jilly said, pointing to the top level, where some space was still available. Ill be able to stand up against the back railing and see everything.
They climbed up the bleachers and took their seats. In a matter of minutes, the game started. April was playing midfield, obviously having a great time. Riley noticed right away that she was an aggressive player.
As they watched, Jilly commented, April says she wants to really develop her game skills during the next couple of years. Is it true that soccer might get her a college scholarship?
If she really works at it, Riley said.
Wow. Thats cool. Maybe I can do that too.
Riley smiled. It was wonderful that Jilly was taking such a positive view of the future. In the life shed left behind, Jilly had had little to hope for. Her prospects had been grim. She almost certainly wouldnt have finished high school, let alone think about college. A whole world of possibilities was opening up for her.
I guess I do some things right, Riley thought.
As Riley watched, April got inside her defenders position and made a beautiful corner kick that slammed past the opposing goalkeeper. Shed scored the first goal of the game.
Riley leaped to her feet, cheering and clapping.
As she cheered, Riley recognized another girl on the team. It was Aprils friend Crystal Hildreth. Riley hadnt seen Crystal in quite some time. The sight of the girl stirred up some complicated emotions.
Crystal and her father, Blaine, used to live right next door to Riley and her family.
Blaine was a charming man. Riley had gotten romantically interested in him, and he in her.
But all that ended a few months ago when something terrible happened. Then Blaine and his daughter had moved away.
Riley really, really didnt want to be reminded of those awful events.
She looked around the crowd. Since Crystal was playing, Blaine was surely here somewhere. But at the moment, she couldnt see him.
She hoped she wouldnt have to meet him.
*Halftime arrived and Jilly ran off to talk to some friends she had spotted.
Riley noticed that she had a text message. It was from Shirley Redding, the real estate agent she had contacted about selling her fathers cabin.
It read
Good news! Call me right away!
Riley made her way out of the stands and dialed the agents number.
Ive looked into the sale, the woman said. The property should bring in well over a hundred thousand dollars. Perhaps twice that.
Riley felt a tingle of excitement. That kind of money would be a huge help for the girls college plans.
Shirley continued, We need to talk over details. Is now a good time?
It wasnt, of course, so Riley made arrangements to talk to her tomorrow. Just as she ended the call, she saw someone making his way through the crowd toward her.
Riley recognized him right away. It was Blaine, her former neighbor.
She noticed that the good-looking, smiling man still had a scar on his right cheek.
Rileys heart sank.
Did he blame Riley for that scar?
She couldnt help blaming herself.
CHAPTER SIX
Blaine Hildreth felt a rush of conflicting emotions as he made his way through the crowd. He had spotted Riley Paige when she stood up to cheer. She looked as vital and striking as ever, and he found himself automatically going toward her at the halftime break. Now she was looking back at him as he approached, but he couldnt tell much from her expression.
How did she feel about seeing him?
And how did he feel about seeing her?
Blaine couldnt help flashing back to a traumatic day more than two months ago
He was sitting in his own living room when he heard a terrible racket next door.
He rushed over to Rileys townhouse and found the front door partially open.