Thats Aphrodite. She and Nyx are like this. I crossed my fingers.
Are you sure?
Totally, I said, and couldnt stop the humongous yawn that overtook me. Sorry. I didnt get much sleep lately. Between the stress going on around here, me getting hurt, and some seriously bad dreams, sleep has not been very friendly to me.
Can I ask you something about your dreams?
I shrugged and nodded sleepily.
Has Kalona been in them?
I blinked id instantl ~Z#n surprise at him. Why would you ask that?
He does that. Gets in peoples dreams.
Hes been in your dreams?
Nah, not me, but Ive overhead the fledglings talking, and hes definitely been in their dreams, only they liked it a lot more than you do.
I thought about how sexy Kalona could be and how easy it would be for me to give in to his hypnotic appearance. Yeah, Ill just bet they do.
I want to tell you something, but I dont want you to think Im making it up just so I can hit on you, he said.
What is it? He was looking massively uncomfortable, as if what he was about to say made him really nervous.
Its harder for him to get into your dreams if youre not sleeping alone.
I stared hard at him. He was right. It sounded like something a guy would make up to get into a girls bed (and panties).
I wasnt sleeping alone the first time it happened, I said.
You were with a guy?
I felt my cheeks start to get warm. No. I was with my roommate.
It has to be a guy. Its like he doesnt want to compete or something.
Stark, that sounds like utter bullpoopie.
He smiled. Is bullpoopie really a word?
Its my word, I said. And how the hell would you know this little tidbit about Kalona?
He talks a lot around me. Its almost like he doesnt notice Im there sometimes. I heard him and Rephaim talking about the dreams. Kalona said he was thinking about putting Raven Mocker guards up between the girls and guys dorms to keep them apart, but he decided he wouldnt because he really wasnt having an issue with controlling the fledglingswith or without being in their dreams.
Gross, I said. What about the professors? Are they all under his control, too?
Apparently. At least none of them have stood up against him or Neferet.
I expected Stark to start to get defensive with my questioning, but he didnt seem to mind and was talking to me like it was no big deal to let me know this stuff. So I decided to see how much I could find out. What about the Sons of Erebus? I saw one when we first came on campus but havent even seen him since.
There arent many of them left, Stark said.
What do you mean?
I mean a bunch of them are dead. When Shekinah fell, Ate freaked and led an attack against Kalona, even though I dont think Kalona was the one who killed her.
He didnt. Neferet killed Shekinah.
Jui Stark
Huh. Well, that figures. Neferet is a vindictive bitch.
I thought you were one of her minions.
No.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Does she know that? I asked.
No, he said. I remember something you said right before I died. You tried to warn me to be careful around Neferet.
Yeah, I remember that, too.
Well, you were right.
Stark, shes changing, isnt she? I mean shes not just a vamp High Priestess anymore, I said.
Shes not normal, thats for sure. Her powers are bizarre. I swear she can spy on people better than Kalona can. He looked away from me, and when he met my eyes again, his were shadowed by a soul-deep sadness. I wish you had been there instead of Neferet.
Been there? I asked, even though the tightening in my gut told me I knew exactly what he meant.
Youd been watching my body, hadnt you? With that camera thing.
Yeah, I said softly. Jack installed it. I didnt want to leave you alone and that was the best way I could think of to keep an eye on you. Then my grandma was in an accident and things got crazyIm sorry.
Im sorry, too. It would have turned out differently if it had been you instead of her I opened my eyes to see.
I wanted to ask him questions about what exactly happened with the whole dying and un-dying thing, as well as question him further about Neferet, but his face was closed off and his eyes were filled with pain.
Look, he said, abruptly changing the subject, you want to get some sleep. Im tired, too. What if we sleep together? Just sleep together. I promise I wont try anything.
I dont think so, I said.
Youd rather have Kalona show up in your dreams again?
No, but I, well, I, uh, dont think you sleeping with me is a good idea.
His expression got hard and cold again, but I could see the pain that was still in his eyes. Because you dont think Ill keep my promise.
No, because I dont want anyone to know youve been here, I said honestly.
Ill leave before anyone knows, he said quietly.
And suddenly I knew my response to him could be what tipped him over in the struggle for his humanity. The last two lines of Kramishas poem echoed through my mind: Humanity saves her / Will she save me? I knew what I had to do.
Okay, fine. But you really have to get out of here early before anyone sees you.
His eyes widened in surprise, and then his lips tilted up in his cocky Bad Boy smile. You mean it?
Sadly, yes. Now come over here because Im about to fall asleep in the middle of talking to you.
Cool! I dont have to be told twice. Im a monster, not a moron. He moved quickly back to the bed.
I scooted over, dislodging Nala, which pissed her off. Grumbling, she padded to the end of the bed, made three quick circles, and I swear she was asleep again before her head was pillowed on her paws. I looked from her to Stark and hastily threw my arm across his side of the bed before he could tuck himself in.
What? he said.
First you have to get rid of that bow and arrow business thats practically growing on your back.
Oh, okay. He pulled over his head the leather contraption that held the bow and quiver of arrows to his back and dropped them on the floor beside the bed. When I still didnt move my arm, he said, What now?
You are so not getting in my bed with your shoes on.
Crap. Sorry, he muttered, kicking off his shoes. Then he looked down at me. Want me to take anything else off?
I frowned up at him. Like he wasnt hot enough already in his black T-shirt, his jeans, and his cocky smile? But no way was I going to tell him that. No. You may not take anything else off. Jeesh, just get in here. Im seriously tired.
As he slid into bed beside me, I realized just how small my bed was when I was sharing it with a guy. I had to remind myself that I really was tired and that the whole point of Stark sleeping with me was for me to get some rest.
Turn off the light, would ya? I asked him, sounding way more nonchalant than I felt.
He reached over and snapped the light off.
So, you think youll be going to class tomorrow? he asked.
Yeah, I suppose. Then, because I really didnt want to talk about why I might be going to class so soon after Id been hurt so badly, I added, And I have to remember to look through the Hummer Darius drove us in here with. I think I left my purse in it. Or at least I hope I did, cause having a lost purse really sucks.
Now that scares me, Stark said.
What scares you?
Chicks purses. Or at least all the weird stuff you people keep inside of them.
Us people? Jeesh. Were girls, and purses just have girl stuff in them. His normal-sounding guyness was making me smile.
Theres no just about purse stuff, he said. And I swear I felt him shudder.
I laughed out loud this time. My grandma would say that youre a conundrum.
Is that good or bad?
A conundrum is something thats puzzling, even kinda paradoxical. For instance, here you are this macho, dangerous, warrior guy who cant miss anything he shoots at, but youre totally squeed out by girls purses? Its like theyre your spiders.
He chuckled. My spiders? Whats that supposed to mean?
Well, I dont like spiders. At all. I shuddered like hed just done.
Oh, I get it. Yeah, purses are my spiders. Really big spiders you can open up and theyre filled with a whole nest of baby spiders.
Okay! Okay! Youre totally grossing me out. Lets change the subject.
Sounds good to me. SoI think you have to be touching whoever youre sleeping with for this to really work. His voice sounded weirdly intimate coming from the darkness beside me.
Yeah, sure. My stomach felt all fluttery, and not just because wed been talking about spiders.
His sigh was heavy and long-suffering. Im telling you the truth. Why do you think it doesnt keep him away if youre just sleeping with a roommate? You have to be touching. A guy and a girl. I guess a guy and a guy would work, too, if it was like Damien and his boyfriend. Or even a girl and a girl if they were into each other. He paused. I think Im babbling.
I think you are, too. Actually, babbling was usually what I did when I was nervous, and it was refreshing to meet someone else who was a nervous babbler.
You really dont have to be scared of me. Im not going to hurt you.
Because you know I can kick your butt with the elements?
Because I care about you, he said. You were starting to care about me, werent you? I mean before all of this happened to me.
Yes. On one hand, right about then was an excellent opportunity for me to mention the little fact that Erik and I were supposed to be back together. And maybe even say something about Heath. (Or maybe not.) On the other hand, I was trying to somehow fix the kids humanity, or lack thereof, and it probably wouldnt help for me to be all: Hey, Ill sleep with you and act like I care about you, but I kinda have a boyfriend. Or two. And besides all that, I needed to start being honest with myself. Erik had seemed so perfect for me; hes who everyone thought I should be with. Then why have I always liked other guys, too, and thats even before he started acting all insanely possessive? It wasnt just Heath Id been drawn to, but Loren and then Stark. The only thing I could think was that something must be missing with Erik, or else I was just turning into a nasty skank. I mean, really. I didnt feel like a nasty skank. I felt like a girl who liked more than one guy.
He shifted on the bed beside me and I tried not to jump when I felt his arm lift up. Come on over here. You can put your head on my chest and go to sleep. Ill keep you safe. I promise.
I pushed the Erik problem from my mind, and figuring I might as wellI mean, I was already in bed with the kidI slid over. He put his arm around me and I tried to relax against his side with my head kinda awkwardly resting on his chest. I kept wondering if he was comfortable. Was I too heavy? Was I too close to him? Not close enough?
Then his hand lifted and found my head. At first I thought he was going to move my head (because it was too heavy), or maybe even strangle me or whatnot. So it surprised me when he started to stroke my hair like I was a skittish horse.
You have really pretty hair. Did I tell you that before I died, or did I just think it?
You must have just thought it, I said.
I would tell you that you looked really hot today when I saw you naked, but that probably wouldnt be appropriate, being as were in bed together but not doing anything.
No, I stiffened, getting ready to pull out of his arms. It wouldnt be appropriate.
His chest rumbled under my ear as he chuckled. Relax, will ya?
Then dont talk about seeing me naked.
Okay. He caressed my hair silently for a little while, then he said, That Raven Mocker hurt you pretty badly.
It wasnt a question, but I still said, Yeah.
Kalona doesnt want you hurt, so hell be in for some shit when he gets back here.
He wont be getting back. I killed him. Burned him up, I said simply.
Good, he said. Zoey, would you make me one more promise?
I suppose, but you dont seem one hundred percent happy when I keep my promises to you.
Ill be happy if you keep this one.
What is it this time?
Promise me if I become a real monster like them, youll burn me up, too.
Thats not a promise I feel comfortable making, I said.
Well, think about it because it might be a promise youll have to fulfill.
We were silent again. The only sound in my room was Nalas soft snoring from the foot of my bed, and the steady beat of Starks heart under my ear. He kept stroking my hair, and it wasnt long before my eyelids started to feel incredibly heavy. But before I fell asleep I had one more thing I wanted him to hear.
Would you do something for me? I asked sleepily.
I think Id do almost anything for you, Stark said.
Stop calling yourself a monster.
His hand stilled for a moment. He shifted slightly and I felt his lips against my forehead. Go to sleep now. Ill watch over you.
I drifted to sleep while he was still slowly stroking my hair. Kalona didnt once enter my dreams.
CHAPTER 25
Stark was gone when I woke up. Feeling majorly refreshed as well as starving, I stretched and yawned, which is when I found the arrow lying on the pillow beside me. Hed broken it in half, which immediately caught my attention. I mean, Im from a town named Broken Arrow. I know what the symbolism of an arrow snapped in half meanspeace, an end to fighting. There was a note folded underneath the arrow pieces with my name printed on it. I opened it and read: I watched you while you were sleeping and you looked completely at peace. I wish I could feel that. I wish I could close my eyes and feel at peace. But I cant. I cant feel anything if Im not with you, and even then all I can do is want something that I dont think I can ever have, at least not now. So I left this, and my peace, with you. Stark.
What the hell does that mean? I asked Nala.