I press my lips together and stare straight ahead, wishing I could climb inside his mind and see the thoughts he keeps to himself, get to the bottom of what this is really about. Because despite the way he looks at me, despite the dismissive shrug that he gives, nothing hes said makes the least bit of sense.
Well, thats fine and all, I mean, if thats what you need to do, then great, have fun. I shrug, fully convinced that its not at all great, though knowing better than to say it out loud. But just how are you planning to get around now that youve ditched your ride? I mean, in case you havent noticed, this is California, you cant get anywhere without a car.
He looks at me, clearly amused by my outburst, which is not exactly the reaction Id planned. Whats wrong with the bus? Its free.
I gape, shaking my head, hardly believing my ears. And since when do you worry about cost, Mr. I Make Millions Playing The Ponies And Just Manifest Whatever Else I Might Want? Realizing just after its out that I forgot to shield my thoughts.
Is that how you see me? He stops just shy of the classroom door, obviously hurt by my careless assessment. As some shallow, materialistic, narcissistic, consumer-driven slob?
No! I cry, shaking my head and squeezing his hand. Hoping to convince him even though I actually did kind of mean it. Only not in a bad way like he thinks. More in a my boyfriend appreciates the finer things in life kind of way, and less in a my boyfriends the male version of Stacia kind of way. I just I squint, wishing I could be even half as eloquent as him, but still forging ahead when I say, I guess I just dont get it. I shrug. And whats up with the glove? I raise his leather-clad hand to where we can see.
Isnt it obvious? He shakes his head and pulls me toward the door.
But I just stay put, refusing to budge. Nothings obvious. Nothing makes sense anymore.
He pauses, hand on the knob, more than a little hurt when he says, I thought it was a good solution for now. But perhaps youd prefer I not touch you at all?
No! Thats not what I meant! Switching to telepathy the moment some classmates approach, reminding him how hard its been avoiding any and all skin-on-skin contact for the last three days. Pretending I had a cold when we both know we dont get sick, and other ridiculous avoidance techniques that left me feeling deeply ashamed. Its been torture, pure and simple. To have a boyfriend so gorgeous, so sexy, so amazingly awesomeand to not be able to touch himis the worst kind of agony.
I mean, I know we cant risk any accidental palm sweat exchange or anything like that, but still, dont you think it looks kind ofodd? I whisper, the second were alone again.
I dont care about that. His gaze open, sincere, and fixed right on mine. I dont care what other people think. I only care about you.
He squeezes my fingers and opens the door with his mind, leading me right past Stacia Miller as we head for our desks. And even though I havent seen her since Friday when she woke from Romans spell, Im sure her hatred for me hasnt dampened a bit. But while Im fully braced for her usual ploy of dropping her bag in my path in an attempt to trip metoday shes too distracted by Damens new look to play that tired old game. Her unhurried gaze traveling the length of him, from his head to his toes, before starting all over again.
But just because she ignores me doesnt mean I can relax or trust that its over. Because the truth is, its never over with Stacia. Shes made that abundantly clear. If anything shes probably more charged up and vicious than evermaking this little reprieve nothing more than the calm before the storm.
Ignore her, Damen whispers, scooting his desk so close the edges practically overlap.
And even though I nod as though I am, the truth isI cant. As much as Id love to pretend shes invisibleI cant do it. Shes in front of me now and Im completely obsessed. Peering into her thoughts, wanting to see what, if anything, happened between them. Because even though I know Romans responsible for all of the flirting, and kissing, and cuddling, I had no choice but to watch. Even though I know for a fact that Damen was completely deprived of free willthat doesnt change the fact that it happenedthat Damens lips pressed against hers while his hands roamed her skin. And even though Im pretty sure it didnt go any further than that, Id still feel a heck of a lot better if I could just get some evidence to back up my theory.
And despite how crazy, hurtful, and completely masochistic it isI wont stop until her memory gives, and every last horrible, painful, excruciating detail is finally revealed.
Im just about to delve deeper, travel to the very core of her brain, when Damen squeezes my hand and says, Ever, please. Stop torturing yourself. Ive already told you, theres nothing to see. I swallow hard, gaze fixed on the back of her head, watching her gossip with Honor and Craig, barely listening as he adds, It didnt happen. Its not what you think.
I thought you couldnt remember? I turn, overcome with shame the instant I see the pain in his eyes as he looks at me and shakes his head.
Just trust me. He sighs. Or at least try to. Please?
I inhale deeply, gazing at him, wishing I could, knowing I should.
Seriously, Ever. First you couldnt get over the past six hundred years of my dating, and now youre obsessed with last week? He knits his brow and leans closer, voice urgent, coaxing, as he adds, I know that your feelings are unbelievably hurt. Really, I do. But whats done is done. I cant go back, I cant change it. Romans done this on purposeyou cant let him win.
I swallow hard, knowing hes right. Im acting ridiculous, irrational, allowing myself to veer way off track.
Besides, Damen thinks, switching to telepathy now that our teacher, Mr. Robins, has arrived. You know its meaningless. The only one Ive ever loved is you. Isnt that enough?
He brings his gloved thumb to my temple, gazing into my eyes as he shows me our history, my many incarnations as a young servant girl in France, a Puritans daughter in New England, a flirtatious British socialite, an artists muse with gorgeous red hair
I gape, eyes wide, never having seen that particular life before.
But he just smiles, gaze growing warmer as he shows me the highlights of that time, a quick clip of the moment we metat a gallery opening in Amsterdamour first kiss just outside of the gallery that very same night. Presenting only the most romantic moments and sparing my death, which always, inevitably, comes before we can progress.
And after watching all of those beautiful moments unfold, his unabashed love for me laid bare to see, I gaze into his eyes, answering his question when I think: Of course its enough. Youve always been enough.
Then closing them in shame when I add: But am I enough for you?
Finally admitting the real truthmy fear that hell soon tire of the gloved hand-holding, the telepathic embrace, and seek out the real thing in a normal girl with safe DNA.
He nods, gloved fingers cupping my chin as he gathers me into a mental embrace so warm, so safe, so comforting, all of my fears slip away. Answering the apology in my gaze as he leans forward, lips at my ear as he says, Good. Now that thats settled, about Roman . . .
CHAPTER 4
As I make my way toward history class Im wondering which will be worseseeing Roman or Mr. Munoz? Because while I havent seen or spoken to either of them since last Friday when my whole world fell aparttheres no doubt I left them both on a pretty strange note. My last contact with Munoz consisting of me going all sentimental and not only confiding my psychic powerswhich is something I never dobut also encouraging him to date my aunt Sabinewhich is something Im seriously beginning to regret. And as awful as that was, its only rivaled by my last moments with Roman when I aimed my fist at his navel chakra, determined not just to kill him but to obliterate him completely. And I would have tooexcept for the fact that I totally choked and he got away. And even though in retrospect that probably worked out for the best, Im still so angry with him, whos to say I wont try again?
But the truth is, I know I wont try again. And not just because Damen spent the whole of English class telepathically lecturing me on how revenge is never the answer, how karma is the one and only true justice system, and plenty more blah blah blah like thatbut mostly because its not right. Despite the fact that Roman tricked me in the very worst way, leaving me absolutely no reason to ever trust him againI still dont have the right to kill him. It wont solve my problem. Wont change a thing. Even though hes awful, evil, and everything that adds up to bad, I still dont have the right to
Well theres my cheeky monkey!
He slithers up beside me, all blond tousled hair, ocean blue eyes, and shiny white teeth, leisurely stretching his strong, tanned arm across the classroom door, barring me from getting inside.
And thats all it takes. The grating purr of his contrived British accent and the complete creepiness of his leering gaze, and just like that Im tempted to kill him again.
But I wont.
I promised Damen I could get myself safely to and from class without resorting to that.
So tell me, Ever, how was your weekend? Did you and Damen enjoy a nice reunion? Was he able tosurvive youby chance?
I clench my fists by my sides, imagining how hed look as nothing more than a heap of designer clothes and a pile of dust, despite the vow of nonviolence I took.
Because if not, if you failed to heed my advice and took that old dinosaur out for a ride, then I suppose my deepest condolences are in order. He nods, gaze fixed on mine, lowering his voice as he adds, Not to worry though, you wont be alone for long. Once the proper mourning period ends, Ill be happy to step in and fill up the void his extinction has left.
I focus on my breath, keeping it slow and steady as I take in the strong, tan, muscular arm blocking my path, knowing all it would take is one well-placed karate chop to break it in half.
Hell, even if you did manage to hold back and keep him alive, all you have to do is say the word, and Im right by your side. He grins, eyes grazing over me in the most intimate way. But no need to answer too quickly or commit yourself yet. Take as long as you like. Because, Ever, I assure you, unlike Damen, Im a man who can wait. Besides, its just a matter of time before you come looking for me anyway.
Theres only one thing I want from you. I narrow my gaze until everything surrounding us blurs. And thats for you to leave me alone. Heat rising to my cheeks as his gaze deepens to a leer.
Fraid not, darlin. He laughs, looking me over and shaking his head. Trust me, you want way more than that. But not to worry, its like I said, Ill wait for as long as it takes. Its Damen Im worried about. And you should worry too. From what I saw those last six hundred years, hes an impatient man. Bit of a hedonist really. Didnt wait for much of anything so far as I could tell.
I swallow hard and strive to keep calm, reminding myself not to fall for his bait. Roman has a knack for locating my weakness, my psychological kryptonite so to speak, and pretty much lives to exploit it.
Dont get me wrong, hes always been one to keep up appearanceswearing the black armband, appearing inconsolable at the wakebut trust me, Ever, the moss hadnt time to adhere to his shoe before he was back on the prowl. Looking to drown his sorrows in whatever orshould I say whomeverhe could. And even though you prefer not to believe it, take it from someone whos been there all along. Damen waits for no one. And he certainly never waited for you.
I take a deep breath, filling my head with words, music, mathematical equations stretching far beyond my abilities, anything to drown out the words that are like carefully honed arrows aimed straight for my heart.
Yep. Sawr it wit me own eyes, I did! Smiling as he slips into a thick cockney brogue and back out again. Drina saw it too. Broke her poor heart. Though, unlike meand, Im afraid, quite unlike youDrinas love was unconditional. Willing to take him back no matter where hed been, no questions asked. Which, lets face it, is something youd never do.
Thats not true! I cry, voice hoarse, dry, as though its the first time Ive used it all day. Ive had Damen since the moment we metI I stop, knowing I shouldnt have started. Its useless to engage in this fight.
Sorry, darlin, but youre wrong. Youve never had Damen at all. A chaste kiss here, a bit of sweaty hand-holding there He shrugs, gaze mocking. Seriously, Ever, you think some pathetic attempts at second base can actually satisfy a greedy, narcissistic, self-indulgent bloke like him? For four hundred years no less?
I swallow hard, forcing a calm I dont own when I say, Thats a lot further than you ever got with Drina.
No thanks to you, he spits, harsh gaze on mine. But, its like I said, Im a man who can wait. Damen is not. He shakes his head. Shame youre so determined to play hard to get. You and I are a lot more alike than you think. Both of us pining after someone well never truly have
I could kill you right now, I whisper, voice shaky, hands trembling, even though I promised Damen I wouldnt do this, even though I know better. I could I suck in my breath, not wanting him to know what only Damen and I know, that targetting an immortals weakest chakra, one of the bodys seven energy centers, is the quickest way to obliterate them.
You could what? He smiles, face looming so close his breath chills my cheek. Slug me in my sacral center, perhaps?
I gape, wondering where he couldve possibly learned that.
But he just laughs, shaking his head as he says, Dont forget, luv, Damen was under my spell, which means he told me everything, answered every question I askedincluding a good bit about you.
I stand there, refusing to react, determined to appear composed, unruffledbut its too late. He got me. Right where it counts. And dont think he doesnt know it.
No worries, luv. Ive no plans to go after you. Even though your glaring lack of discernment and tragic misuse of knowledge tells me that a quick jab to the throat chakra is all it would take to destroy you for good He smiles, tongue snaking around his lips. Im having far too much fun watching you squirm to attempt something like that. Besides, it wont be long til youre squirming beneath me. Or even on top of me. Either will do. He laughs, blue eyes on mine, gazing at me in a way so knowing, so intimate, so deep, my stomach cant help but heave. Ill leave the details to you. But no matter how much you may want to, you wont go after me either. Mostly because I do have what you want. The antidote to the antidote. I assure you of that. Youre just gonna have to find a way to earn it. Youre just gonna have to pay the right price.