I just cant believe you didnt say anything. She shakes her head and frowns.
I shrug, pretending I dont want to speak with my mouth full, when the truth is, I dont want to speak.
Does it bother you? That Im dating your teacher? She squints, sliding the towel off her neck and pressing it to her forehead.
I stir the cereal around and around, knowing theres no way I can eat any more, not after shes started all this. As long as you dont talk about me. I study her closely, reading her aura, her body language, noting the way she just shifted uncomfortably, and stopping just short of peering into her head. I mean, you dont talk about me, right? I add, gaze fixed on hers.
But she just laughs, averting her eyes as a flush blooms on her cheeks. Turns out weve got much more in common than that.
Yeah? Like what? I mash my spoon against my cereal, displacing my frustration onto my Froot Loops and turning them into a soggy, rainbow-colored mess. Wondering if I should break the news to her now or save it for later. The startling revelation that this love match wont lastnot according to the vision I saw of her paired up with some cute, nameless guy who works in her building
Well, for starters were both fascinated by the Italian Renaissance
I look at her, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. Having never heard her mention that and Ive lived with her for nearly a year.
We both love Italian food
Oh yeah, definitely soul mates. The only two people who actually like pizza and pasta and stuff drenched with red sauce and cheese . . .
And as of Friday, hell be spending quite a bit of time in my building!
I stop. Stop everything. Including breathing and blinking, so I can stand there and gape.
Hes working as an expert witness on a case that
Her lips keep moving, hands gesturing, but I stopped listening a few sentences back. Her words drowned by the sound of my own crashing heart, accompanied by the silent scream that crowds everything out.
No!
It cant be.
Cant. Be.
Can it?
Remembering the vision that night in the restaurantSabine getting together with a cute guy who works in her buildinga guy, who, without the glasses I didnt even recognize as Munoz! Knowing immediately what this really meansthis is ither destinyMunoz is The One!
You okay? Her hand reaches for mine as concern clouds her face.
But I pull away quickly, avoiding her touch. Swallowing hard as I paste a smile onto my face, knowing she deserves to be happyheck, even he deserves to be happy. But stillwhy do they have to be happy together? Seriously, out of all the men she could date, why does it have to be my teacher, the one who knows my secret?
I look at her, forcing a nod as I drop my bowl in the sink, fleeing for the door as I say, Yeahits all good, seriously. I justI dont want to be late.
CHAPTER 34
Hey, its Sunday we dont even open til eleven. Jude props his surfboard against the wall and squints.
I nod, barely glancing away from the book, determined for it to make sense.
Need help? He tosses his towel on a chair and moves around the desk until hes standing behind me.
If it involves more of this handy dandy code translator you made, I tap the sheet of paper beside me, or anything even resembling your long list of meditations, then no thanks, Ive had all I can take. But if youre finally going to tell me how to read this thing, without assuming the lotus position, picturing beams of white light, and/or making me imagine long, spindly roots growing from the soles of my feet and extending deep into the earth, then yes, by all means, go ahead and try. I slide the book toward him, careful to touch only its edge, catching a quick glimpse of his amused face, that tropical gaze, the spliced brow, before looking away.
He places his hand on the desk and leans toward the book, fingers splayed against the old, pockmarked wood, body so close I can feel the push of his energy merge into my space. Theres another way that might work. Well, for someone with your gifts anyway. But the way you handle that thing, only touching the edges, keeping your distance, its pretty clear youre afraid.
His voice drifts over me, soothing and calm. Prompting me to close my eyes for a moment and allow myself to feel it, really feel it, without trying to stop it or push it away. Eager to prove Damen wrong, report back that I gave it a fair shot and theres not a single trace of tingle or heat to be found. Even though Jude likes melikes me in the same way I like Damen and Damen likes meeven though I saw it in the vision he unwittingly showed me that dayits one-sided. All about him, not the slightest bit reciprocated by me. The only thing Im getting is a decrease in stress and anxiety, a serenity so languid, so relaxed, it soothes my jangled nerves, and
He taps me on the shoulder, yanking me out of my reverie and motioning for me to join him on the small couch in the corner where he balances the book on his knees. Urging me to place my hand on the page, shut my eyes, clear my head, and intuit the message inside.
At first nothing happens, but thats because Im filled with resistance. Still smarting from the last energy slam that practically fried my insides and left me tired and fragmented for the rest of the evening. But the second I decide to let go and give in, to just trust in the process and allow the buzz to flow through me, Im overcome with a barrage of energy thats surprisingly, almost embarrassingly personal.
Getting anything? he asks, voice low, gaze fixed on me.
I shrug, turning to him when I say, Its likeits like reading someones diary. Or at least thats what Im gettingyou?
He nods. Same.
But I thought it would be more likeI dont know, like a book of spells. You know, a different one on each page.
You mean a grimoire. He smiles, displaying two amazing dimples and charmingly crooked front teeth.
I frown, unfamiliar with the word.
Its like a recipe book for spells, containing very specific datadates, times, ritual performed, results of the ritual, that sort of thing. Strictly business, nothing but the facts.
And this? I tap my nail against the page.
More like a journal, as you said. A highly personal account of a witchs progresswhat she did, why she did it, how she felt, the results, et cetera. Which is why theyre often written in code, or Theban like this.
My shoulders droop as I screw my lips to the side, wondering why every bit of progress Im about to make actually results in two giant steps back.
You were looking for something more specific? A love spell perhaps?
I peer at him, eyes narrowed, wondering why he just said that.
Sorry. He shrugs, eyes grazing my face, lingering on my lips for a few seconds too long. Seems like trouble in paradise with the way you and Damen are avoiding each other these days.
I close my eyes for a moment, forcing the sting to retreat. Its been one week. One week without Damenhis sweet telepathic messageshis warm and loving embrace. The only hint that he even exists is the fresh supply of elixir I found in my fridge. An elixir he mustve slipped in while I slept, taking every precaution to get the job done before I could wake. Each passing hour so painful, so agonizing, so lonelyIve no idea how Ill get through the summer without him.
Judes energy shifts, his aura pulling back just as a sensitive shade of blue flickers at the edges. Well, whatever you seek, he says, back to business again. Youll find it in here. He thumps the page with his thumb. You just have to give it some time to take it all in. Its a very detailed account, and the content goes pretty deep.
Whered you find it? I take in the spray of dreadlocks hitting just shy of his lips. And how long have you had it? I add, suddenly needing to know.
He shrugs, averting his gaze. Picked it up somewheresome guy I once knew. He shakes his head. It was a long time ago.
Vague much? I smile, giving a sort of half laugh he fails to return. Seriously. Youre only nineteenhow long ago could it have been? I study him closely, remembering the time I asked the same question of Damenwell before I knew what he was. A sudden chill pricking my skin as I take him in, the crooked teeth, the scar marking his brow, the tangle of dread-locks falling into those familiar green eyesassuring myself hes merely someone I knew from my past, that hes nothing like me.
Guess Im not so big on tracking time, he says, the laugh that follows uncommitted, forced. I try to live in the momentthe now. Still, mustve been fourmaybe five years agowhen I first started getting into this stuff.
And did Lina find it? Is that why you hide it?
He shakes his head, face flushing when he says, As embarrassing as it is to admit, she came across a poppet Id made and completely freaked out. Thought it was a voodoo doll. Misread the whole thing.
Poppet? My gaze fixed on his, having no idea what that is.
A sort of magical doll. He shrugs, embarrassed gaze meeting mine. I was a kid, what can I say? I was misguided enough to think it would convince a certain girl to like me.
And did it? I hold my breath, studying him carefully, wondering why those simple words cause a ping in my gut.
Lina destroyed it before it could work. Just as well. He shrugs. Turns out she was trouble.
Your usual type. The words rushing forward before I can stop them.
He looks at me, eyes glinting. Old habits die hard.
We sit like that, eyes locked, breath halted, the moment growing, stretching, until I finally break away and return to the book.
Id love to help you, he says, voice low and deep. But I get the feeling your journeys too private for me.
I turn, about to speak, when he adds, No worries. I get it. But if its spell casting youre after, there are a few things you should know. His gaze meets mine, making sure he has my full attention before he goes on. One, its a last resortonly to be used when all other avenues are exhausted. And two, spells are really just recipes for change, to get what you want, or alter a certain situation that needsaltering. But in order for it to work, your goals have to be clearyou need to visualize the outcome you want and direct all of your energy toward it.
Like manifesting, I say, wishing I hadnt when I see his gaze change.
Manifesting takes too longmagicks more immediateor at least it can be.
I press my lips together, knowing better than to explain how manifesting can also be instantaneous once you understand how the universe works. But then again, you cant manifest what you dont know, making the antidote, among other things, strictly off limits.
Think of this like a giant cookbook. He taps the page with his nail. One with liner notes. He smiles. But nothing in here is fixed, you can alter the recipes to suit your own needs, and choose your own set of tools accordingly
Tools? I look at him.
Crystals, herbs, elements, candles, phases of the moonthat kind of thing.
I think back on the elixirs I made, just before I went back in time, having thought of it more in terms of alchemy than magick, though I guess in some ways, its pretty much the same thing.
It also helps if you cast your spell in verse.
Like a poem? I look at him, startled. Maybe this isnt going to work after all. I pretty much suck at that kind of thing.
Doesnt have to be Keats, just something that rhymes and has some sort of meaning for what you want it to do.
I frown, feeling disheartened before I even begin.
And, Ever
I look at him.
If youre wanting to cast a spell on a person, you might want to rethink it. Lina was right. If you cant convince someone to see things your way, or cooperate with you, by using more mundane means, theres a pretty good chance its not meant to be.
I nod and look away, knowing that may be true for some situations, but not mine.
Mine is different.
CHAPTER 35
I stopped by your work. Haven studies me closely, gaze moving from my hair, to the black silk cord holding my amulet, just barely visible at the base of my tee, before settling back on my face.
I nod briefly before returning my attention to Honor, watching as she laughs with Stacia and Craig and the rest of the A-list crew as though everything were normalbut its not. Not for her. Shes dipping into magick nowa serious student of the craft, according to Jude. All without her ringleaders consent.
Thought maybe we could grab lunch or something, but the hot guy behind the counter said you were busy. Fingers picking at the frosting on her chai-latte cupcake, gaze never once straying from me.
Miles looks up from his phone, brows merged, eyes darting between us. Excuse me? Theres a hot guy and nobody informed me?
I turn toward them, Havens words just now making an impact. She went to my work! She knows where I work! What else might she know?
Oh, hes hot all right. Haven nods, still looking at me. Muy caliente, for sure. But apparently Evers determined to keep it a secret. Didnt even know he existed til I saw for myself.
Howd you know where I work? I ask, trying to keep it casual, nonchalant, not let on just how alarmed I really am.
The twins told me.
This just went from bad to even worse.
I ran into them at the beach. Damens teaching them to surf.
I smile, but its a feeble one that feels false on my face.
Guess that explains why you didnt tell us about your new jobyou didnt want your best friends moving in on your hottie coworker.
Miles stares at me, abandoning his texting for something far juicier.
Hes my boss. I shake my head. And its not like its a secret or anything, I just havent had a chance to mention it, thats all.
Yes, because our lunchtime chats are so scintillating you just couldnt squeeze it in. Please. Haven rolls her eyes. So not buying it.
Um, hello? Descriptors would be nice about now! Miles leans forward, face eager, eyes darting between us.
But I just shrug, watching as Haven smiles and sets down her cupcake, brushing the crumbs from her black denim lap as she says, Picture the tannest, most aqua-eyed, hot-bodied, rockin the golden dreadlocks, laid-back surfer boy, hottie of the entire McHottie clan that you can even possibly imaginethen times it by ten and thats him.