Ill drive you, Hunter offered, but I shook my head.
Ive got Das Boot, I snapped. Dont worry, Ill make it home fine.
I turned to leave, but Hunter said, Morgan. The pain in his voice made me turn around, and I forced myself to face him. Hunter looked pale and worried, and I realized suddenly that he really hadnt wanted to do this any more than I had.
Call me later was all he said. He put his hand on my shoulder.
Okay, I said, but our gazes remained locked for a moment longer. His green eyes communicated a world of thoughts and feelings. He loved me. He was afraid for me. He didnt want anything to happen to me.
I held that look in my heart the entire drive home. It was the only thing that made me feel even a little bit better.
Where have you been? my mother demanded the minute I walked in the door. No Hello, no Are you all right? She was sitting on the couch with her arms folded across her chest. The headache threatened to split my skull in two.
I put my fingers to my left temple and rubbed it. Im sorry I began.
Not good enough, my mom snapped. What is going on, Morgan?
I didnt know how to answer her. I just stood there, a lump in the living room.
My mom threw her hands up. What am I supposed to do? she asked. What? You knew that family night was important to meyet not only did you blow it off, you didnt even phone to tell me you werent coming. She pushed herself off the couch and faced me. Tell me how to get through to you, Morgan, she said. Whats left?
I didnt know what to tell her. There was no way I could make her understand what had happened tonight, and I didnt really even want her to know. The accident at the library, the reining of my powersit was too scary for me to deal with, never mind my mom. I dont know, I mumbled.
Well, that makes two of us. My mom sighed, then said, Im sorry, but I just cant take much more of this. Ive tried reaching out to you; now Im going to try punishing you. Youre grounded.
I opened my mouth to protest but thought better of it. She was right.
Okay, I said.
I mean it, Morgan, she went on. No phone, no television, no going outnothing but schoolwork for the next two weeks.
I closed my eyes. I still felt thoroughly awful. Okay.
Look at me, my mom said, so I opened my eyes. I love you, she said. Her voice wasnt sentimentalshe was just stating a fact. And I dont understand whats going on. But whatever it is, Im not going to let it take my daughter away from me, is that clear?
I nodded. Yeah, I said. There was a beat of silence.
Im finished, my mom said finally. For now.
I turned to go upstairs but stopped suddenly. Mom?
Yes? She sounded tired.
I really am sorry, I said. The words hung there a moment, but she didnt reply. I trudged toward the stairs. Every muscle in my bodyevery fiberached. My head was pounding, and my heart was heavy. I pictured Hunter in my mind, tried to visualize the look he had given me just before I left. Only this time, instead of making me feel better, it made me feel worse. I wanted to call him. I needed to hear his voice. But now it was impossibleI was grounded.
I lay on my bed, and the pain in my head dulled a little. I wondered about the limits of my magick now that I was reined. Erin had said that I would still be able to do some small spells. Could I send him a witch message? I wondered. I decided to give it a try. Hunter, I thought, Hunter. I need you.
I felt echoing emptiness inside me and knew it wasnt working. But I tried again, anyway. And again. And again. Even though there was no reply, I didnt give up. I couldnt.
I didnt know what else to do.
9. Fear
I passed Bree in the hall today. I said hello, but she didnt hear me.
At least, I think she didnt hear me. She looked kind of preoccupied, but maybe that was just an act so that she could pretend not to notice me. Im sure Morgan told her about my quitting Kithic.
I havent missed a circle yet, but already there are so many things I miss about the coven. I miss the energy I felt from being part of the circle. I miss the feeling when a circle goes well and you feel like theres a greater power in the room with you. Like everyones energy has combined and formed this force thats more powerful than the sum of its parts. I miss feeling like I have a family.
Well, whateverwho cares? Im not in the coven anymore. What they do is their own problem. Im not going to try to warn anyone about anythingIm staying out of it. From now on, this is just a journal, not a Book of Shadows. And Im just a high school sophomore, not a witch in training.
I would have made a terrible witch, anyway. I dont have the stomach for it.
Alisa
Morgan, what is that? Jenna asked, peering at the bowl of steaming hot something Id gotten from the cafeteria. It was lunch period the next day, and I was sitting with Sharon, Raven, Jenna, Matt, Bree, Robbie, and Ethan. Lately Id been spending almost all of my lunch periods in the library in a desperate attempt to pull my grades up, but today I simply felt too sick to concentrate on anything. I looked around at the familiar faces. If my grades didnt improve, I might be eating lunch at an entirely different school soon.
Chili, I said. I think.
Isnt that the same stuff they served Monday? Matt asked.
I gave him a wry half smile, but Bree let out a silky laugh. Matt grinned at her. Jenna glanced up and gave me a wary look across the table. What was Bree up to?
You have to give the school credit on their food-recycling program, Raven said. No one can bear to eat it, but no one can bear to let it go to waste.
Robbie was sitting next to me on one side of the table with Jenna. Sharon and Ethan were on the other, and Matt was at one of the short ends, sandwiched between Bree and Raven. He looked like he was in heaven. Bree and Robbie, on the other hand, hadnt exchanged a single word during lunch, and now Robbie was staring down at his sandwich as if he thought he could make it disintegrate with the power of his mind.
So is everybody going to make it this Saturday? Sharon asked. Kithic was holding its circle at her house.
I cant go, I said, feeling even gloomier. Im grounded.
Grounded? What did you do? Ethan asked, pushing curly hair out of his eyes. Anything good?
Unfortunately not.
Morgan isnt much good at being bad. Bree gave Matt a flirtatious little smile. Unlike some people.
Hmmm, Raven said smoothly. Tell us about that, Bree.
Bree ignored her, still looking at Matt, who was grinning like an idiot. I narrowed my eyes at Bree. What did she think she was doing?
Robbie stood up. Ive gotta head to the library, he said to nobody in particular. See you guys later. He grabbed his tray and walked off.
I caught Brees eye and frowned at her. She made a face at me. Ill be right back, I said, pushing my chair away from the table.
Robbie was halfway down the hall by the time I caught up with him. Robbie, wait, I said, catching his arm. Whats going on?
I dont know. His eyes were filled with anger. I guess I just didnt feel like sitting around and watching Bree hit on someone else. Call me crazy.
I folded my arms across my chest and cocked an eyebrow. I thought you guys were broken up.
Robbie looked shocked. I knew it, I thought.
Thats what Bree told me, anyway, I went on. She said you dumped her.
Robbies eyes were wide. What are you talking about? he demanded.
I shrugged. Isnt that what happened?
No, he insisted. No way! He looked confused and worried. I just told Bree that I thought we needed some space. Weve been spending all our time together lately, and. . well. . Ive gotten these weird vibes from Bree. Like shes feeling kind of. .
Possessive? I finished for him.
Yeah. He nodded. So I tried to talk to her about it. I mean, look, personally Id love to spend all my time with Bree. But it seemed sort of weird for her. Dont forget that Ive known Bree a long time.
As long as I have.
Exactly, Robbie agreed. And we both know she gets bored easily with guys, and then she moves on. Right?
Mmm. Dead right.
So I thought Id be clever and suggest more space, Robbie explained, and shes been avoiding me ever since. I thought she was just taking me up on my offer. He bit his lip. God, Morgan, have I totally screwed up?
I dont think its your fault, but the situation is definitely screwed up, I said. You have to talk to her. Now.
What should I say?
Just tell her that this is all a big misunderstanding, which it is, I said. Look, Robbie, you and I both know that underneath it all, Bree is actually insecure in a weird way, right?
About some things, he admitted.
About this thing, I said. This has just gotten blown out of proportion because she actually cares about you. A lot. And she doesnt know how to deal.
Robbie looked dubious. You think?
I know it, I told him. I didnt think it was betraying a confidence to say that much. So youll talk to her? I asked.
Yeah, he said. He started to turn back toward the lunch-room, but the bell rang. Damn, he said, checking his watch.
Do it after school, I said as people began trickling into the hall. Dont wait.
Thanks, Morgan. Robbie reached out and drew me into a hug. I felt glad that Id finally butted in. My head was still throbbing, but it was good to know that Id done at least one thing right.
I was halfway through my first problem set when the doorbell rang. Mary K., can you get that? I shouted. My head was still splitting, even after Id taken four Advil. Mary K. didnt reply. Not surprising. She was playing the radio at top volume in her room. I had expected her to be at cheerleading practice, but it had been canceled at the last minute. Now she was upstairs studying with her new best friend, Alisa. They were in the same French class.
With a sigh, I hauled myself up from the dining room table and trudged to the door, figuring it was probably someone from Greenpeace or another member of the Mary K. fan club. The latter was more likely.
I looked through the peephole and sucked in my breath. Erin! Id completely forgotten we were supposed to meet to go over what Id read about witch history. Crap. And now I had to answer the door. She was a witch, after allshe knew I was here.
Hello, Morgan, she said. Her dark red hair was pulled into a braid, and she was carrying a backpack. In blue jeans and a peacoat, she looked more like a Vassar student than a forty-seven-year-old witch.
Hi, I said, looking nervously behind her. My mom and dad werent due home for a couple of hours, but I didnt want to take any chances. I wasnt supposed to have any visitors, and I knew that if they caught me with Erin, I was toast.
Erin cocked an eyebrow. May I come in? she asked.
Actually. .I said, pulling the door closed behind me. Ive sort of been grounded. For coming home late. Im not supposed to have any visitors. Im just supposed to go to school and come homeno TV, no phone, nothing.
I see. Erins face was a neutral blank. And how long is this going to last?
I grimaced. Two weeks.
I see, Erin said again. We stood there, staring at each other for a few moments. She made no move to leave.
I cleared my throat. So you see, Im not supposed to have any visitors, I began again. Um, my parents are actually thinking about sending me to a Catholic school. So Im trying to pull my grades up. They might change their minds.
Yes, I can appreciate that, Erin replied. But the fact is, Morgan, that Im only going to be here for a short time. Do you take my meaning?
I wavered. Erin was right. I was having a rough time family-wise, but shed come all the way from Scotland and so far hadnt had much of a chance to teach me anything. Something always seemed to get in the way. If I didnt let her in today, her entire trip would be pretty much of a wash.
I brought you some more books, Erin said, pulling off her backpack. A few from my own collection on Irish witches in the medieval period.
Well, I said slowly, I am writing a paper on the persecution of witches.
Then its a school project, isnt it? Erin blinked at me innocently.
That did it. Come in, I said quickly, leading her into the front hall. But my sister is home, so well have to be careful.
Oh, dont worry about me. I wont make a peep, Erin promised. Then she cast a quick see-me-not spell so that Mary K. wouldnt see or hear her as she slipped up the stairs. Not that there was much danger of that, considering the volume of the music pulsing from Mary K.s room.
Sorry its such a mess, I said as I brushed a pile of clothes from my bed to the floor. Dagda, my gray kitten, had been sleeping at the foot of the bed. He stretched and mewed a mild complaint. Erin walked over to him and scratched him under the chin.
Hes a cute one, she said as Dagda stretched his neck and purred contentedly.
I smiled. Dagda had grown quite a bit since Id first gotten him. Now he was looking like a lanky teenager of a cat, with gangly legs and paws that seemed enormous in proportion to the rest of him. Lately he spent all of his time either sleeping or dashing around the house madlyusually in the middle of the night.
Erin dropped her backpack and turned to look at me. Have you finished Legacies of the Great Clans? she asked.
I groaned. Not even half of it, I admitted.
Erin studied my face a moment. How are you feeling?
Like crap, I said bluntly. Ive got a headache that I cant get rid of. I ran my thumb along the ridge of my right eye.
A stabbing pain? she asked. Like a knife to the skull?
That was exactly what it felt like. Pretty much, I agreed.
And your breathing is a little tight? Your chest is heavy? Erin suggested.
I nodded. Is that normal? I asked.
Unfortunately. Erin took my wrist and felt for my pulse. She seemed to think for a moment, then said, Im sorry, Morgan. I know this isnt easy for you.