I started to go after her, but Erin held my arm in an iron grip.
Im glad youre okay, Alisa said quietly. Then she turned and went back to her table, where she started to gather her things.
I stared after her. Morgan, Erin said, giving me a gentle shake. I looked at her blankly. Morgan, we need to have a circle. Right away.
Circle? I repeated dumbly.
Erins face was pale and solemn. This is becoming very serious, she said, indicating the fallen shelf. We cant let it go on any longer.
What do you mean? I asked. I was afraid to hear the answer.
I mean that we have to rein in your power right away, Erin replied. Once youve learned moreonce youre more in control of your magickthen we can do an unbinding spell. But right now, youre dangerous. She took my hand. Im sorry, Morgan.
I felt the air rush out of my lungs. Dangerous. The word echoed in my mind. No, I wanted to say, absolutely not. I thought about the white witch fire I had called up the other day. Erin was right; I had no idea where that power and knowledge had come from. Though it was differentI had felt myself channel the energy. Then I remembered the night the candle went out and the lightbulbs exploded. There could have been a fire. And now this. Mary K. was here, I thought. Mary K. could have been standing underneath that shelf.
My chest was tight. Erin was looking at me expectantly. Okay, I said at last. Ill do it.
8. Loss
September 30, 1971
Its been almost a week since it happened. I prepared the ritual, lit the fire in the cauldron, called upon the Goddess and the God for strength, and prepared to destroy Harris Stonghtons vile book. But I couldnt do it.
Its hard to describe exactly what I was feeling. Fear, yes. And revulsion for the book and its author. But I also felt a strange sense of longing. I suppose its my Rowanwand blood-the love of and hunger for knowledge that we are known for. At any rate, I simply couldnt destroy the book and take this knowledge-even though its dark knowledge-out of the world forever. I had to find a safe place for it.
My first thought was to bury it behind the house. Earth can be very powerful-it can purify objects that have been spelled. But I didnt want to run the risk that someone, or even some animal, might dig up the book and find it. Besides, the book itself hasnt been spelled. Its a book of dark spells, and there is no mountain of earth in the world that can purify it.
But I realized that there is a place in my very own house that is ringed with spells of obscurity a secret place no one but initiated blood witches can find: my parents library. I decided to put it there for now and to warn the about the book as soon as possible. I hadnt wanted to tell them about it for fear of getting Sam into trouble. Then again, I thought that things had gone far enough.
My parents keep their dark magick titles, of which they have quite a few, on the highest shelf in the library. I had to get a stool to reach it. I stood there for a moment, reading the title before me. Some of them were fairly chilling, and as I placed the Stonghton book among them, I had a deep sense of foreboding.
At the very moment that I slid the book in among the others, the reading lamp on the table in the corner began to rattle and shake. Then it started to move. Slowly at first, then gaining speed, it slid across the table and crashed to the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. Its an earthquake, I though, and I wanted to believe it-although whoever heard of an earthquake in Gloucester? Besides, I would have felt the whole room shaking.
Finally I managed to calm breathing and opened my eyes. Everything was still, including the books on the top shelf. I left the library as quickly as possible and redrew the sigils in a hurry.
I was so scared that for a moment I considered doing a circle in my room to calm my nerves. But instead I went up to the widows walk and let the rhythmic crashing of the waves hypnotize me.
I have to be honest with myself. Lately magick has seemed terrifying instead of wonderful. For now, I think Ill let nature be my religion.
Sarah Curtis
We have to go right now, Erin said, checking her watch. Hunter should be home, and Sky is due back from the record store in twenty minutes. She may even be there by the time we arrive.
I nodded, mute. The incredible unspeaking Morgan. Part of me just couldnt believe that this was actually happening, and another part of me grasped that it was vitally important and had to take place right away. I found myself pulled along by the strength of Erins willfollowing her like a stick caught in the current of the river.
Time seemed to slow down and everything around me felt surreal as Erin and I walked to my car. As I slid into my seat and turned the key in the ignition, I noticed that Erins feet werent touching the floor of the car. She looked ridiculously small on Das Boots enormous bench seat, like a doll in an easy chair. Pulling into traffic, I felt hyperaware of the cars around me. Somehow a fly had found its way into my car, and it buzzed loudly against the windshield.
Erins voice cut into my thoughts. I wont lie to you, Morgan, she was saying. The ceremony isnt going to be easy.
I interrupted her. Ive seen someone stripped of their powers, I said with a shudder, remembering David Redstone.
It isnt like that, Erin said quickly. Its unpleasant, but not at all like that. Reining puts limits on your powers, but it doesnt take them away. Youll still be able to do some small things, even some bigger things with the help of another, more powerful witch. And you can be unbound once youve gotten further in your training. Think of the reining as like a muzzle on a dog. Once the dog is taught not to bite, the muzzle can come off.
I gripped the steering wheel. It sounds horrible, I said.
Erin turned and looked out the window. It is, she said softly. But Hunter and Sky and I will be there to make it as comfortable for you as we can.
Hunter. A small spark of hope flared in my chest and brought me back to reality. Hunter knew mehe knew I couldnt possibly be responsible for this. He would convince Erin that my magick didnt need to be reined. He would convince me.
He had to.
Sky was just striding up the front walk as we pulled into the driveway. She turned and gave us a little wave, as if she were happy to see us. Then we stepped out of the car and she saw our faces. Her smile vanished. Hunter appeared at the door. I guessed that hed sensed us pull up.
What is it? Sky whispered to me as we walked up the front steps.
I didnt respond. No one said anything as we took off our coats and hats. Hunter went into the kitchen to put on a kettle for tea, and Erin, Sky, and I followed him. As I sat down at their table, I willed myself to relax.
Theres been another incident, Erin announced. Morgan and I were in the library when books began to fly off the shelves, and the entire bookcase nearly crashed down on her head.
Morgan? Sky asked, leaning forward. Hunter turned pale.
It would now seem that the common denominator for these incidents is Morgan, Erin went on. I am concerned that if we allow her magick to remain unchecked, we run the risk of someone getting hurt.
I dont think so. Hunter shook his head. Im almost certain that some of these incidents have been messages from my parents. I dont know how I know it, but I feel its true.
Did you feel that what happened at the circle on Saturday was a message from your parents? Erin asked.
I felt my heart beat once. Twice. Three times. No, Hunter replied.
And this latest incident in the library wouldnt have been, either, Erin went on. Hunter, she said in a gentler tone, its possible that you are receiving messages from your parents. What happened when we scried and what you described at the movie theater, even the figure in the fog those things do sound like messages. Its also possible that Morgan is causing these telekinetic incidents and that theyre entirely unrelated to what youve experienced. Youve said yourself that she has very strong powers and that she isnt a very skilled witch. . yet.
I dont know. Sky spoke up, surprising me. Skilled or not, it seems to me that if Morgan was doing this, shed feel it.
I felt so grateful to her that I almost leaped up and hugged her.
Who, then? Erin demanded.
Ciaran, Hunter suggested.
Erin scoffed. Hunter, you know as well as I do that proximity is important for telekinesis, even for a witch as strong as Ciaran. He has to be near her. He wouldnt be able to control books in a library in Widows Vale when hes in Spainits impossible.
Well, you were at both Saturdays circle and at the library, Erin, I snapped. And those have been the only two telekinetic incidents so far.
Erin cocked an eyebrow. Have they? she demanded. My mind whirled, and I felt sick as I remembered my books leaping from my locker and scattering all over the floor. Maybe not, I admitted.
Sky raised her eyebrows, and Erin leaned back in her chair. Hunter dug his hands into the pockets of his black corduroys. I told them briefly about my locker.
I expected Hunter to ask why I hadnt told him about this before. But he didnt. He just turned and gazed out the window for a long time.
It was Sky who broke the silence. Sowhat should we do? she asked.
I think Morgans power needs to be reined. Erin looked from Hunter to Sky. Now. This evening.
Sky looked at Hunter.
That ritual isnt to be done lightly, he said to the window.
Are you willing to risk it? Erin demanded. Someone could have been killed today. Morgan could have been killed.
Hunter turned and looked at me. His eyes were full of pain. Tell her, I wanted to shout. Tell her that it isnt me! But what he said was, Im sorry, Morgan.
There was a long creak as Sky pushed her chair away from the table. Ive got some white clothes upstairs, she said. Come, Morgan.
I couldnt believe this was happeningthat Hunter was letting this happen. I blinked fast, trying to clear my eyes of bitter tears. I wanted to scream, to shout, but what could I say? I tried to imagine how I would feel if I refused to let my powers be reined and then something horrible happened, but it was too awful to think about.
Its only temporary, I told myself as I followed Sky upstairs to her room. I tried really hard to believe it.
When I came downstairs, wearing Skys white tunic and pants, Hunter had already drawn a circle. At its center was a large, heavy-looking stone basin, filled with water. Thick, pungent incense saturated the air. It was a kind Id never smelled before, and it had a dark, earthy quality that reminded me of caves and dense forests. The sun had sunk quickly, and the only light in the room came from a few flickering candles.
I stepped inside the circle, and Hunter drew it closed. Each of us stood by one of the four cornersHunter by earth, Sky by air, Erin by water, and I by fire.
In a low voice Erin began to chant. The words were Gaelic, strange and ancient-sounding.
Acarach ban-dia
Acarach dia
Do cumhachd, do aofrom
Séol lamh
Bann treòir
The water in the basin began to shimmer and glow. For a moment it looked like a pool of liquid gold. Then a light flared from the center of itsmall yet brilliant, like a lump of coal that burned as bright as the sun. I couldnt look directly at it. After a moment the coal sent up a column of light bright enough to bathe the entire room in dazzling whiteness. The column was shot through with glowing sparks, specks of silver confetti.
I felt a similar spark rise in my chesta brilliant light was growing within me. I felt wonderfully, powerfully alive. My heart leaped, and I wanted to shout, Its beautiful! but in the next moment something happened that made my skin turn cold.
Ugly black smoke began to pour from the bottom of the basin. It was thick and heavy and rolled along the floor. It had gone no more than two feet in all directions from the basin when it slowly began to rise. But it didnt rise the way normal smoke does, floating on the air through the room. Instead it rose like bars, or long wicked fingers, around the light. It rose until it reached the ceiling, then closed around the light like a dark clutching claw.
My lungs felt tight. I struggled for air. The brilliant light within me was dimming, held in the clutches of the horrible blackness. I fell to my knees.
Hunter, Sky, and Erin began chanting. After a moment the pain in my chest receded and I could breathe, although I felt very sick. The black fingers pulled the brilliant column of light down, slowly, into the bowl, until it was nothing but a swirling pool of gray streaked with flashes of light, like a tiny dark sky full of lightning. The chanting stopped, and I knew that Hunter, Sky, and Erin had done their best to help me. Still, my head was throbbing, and I had to choke down the bile that rose in my throat.
For a moment the room was completely still.
Morgan. Hunter strode over to me and tried to help me to my feet.
I shook him off. Im fine.
A hurt look crossed his face, but I didnt apologize. I stood up, my knees nearly buckling.
Morgan, you should eat something, Erin suggested.
The thought of food repulsed me. Besides, I was dying to get out of there. Right now I couldnt look at any of them not even Hunter. Ill eat at home, I said weakly. I checked my watch and nearly gasped. Seven-thirty! Oh my God family night was supposed to start at six! I remembered how excited my mother had been earlier that day, and a new wave of nausea rolled through me. I couldnt believe Id just let my mom down in order to participate in this horrible ceremony. I have to go, I said, and took a staggering step toward the stairs. Sky swooped toward me, but I held up my hand. Im fine, I insisted. Let me do this.
I gritted my teeth and somehow managed to make it upstairs and change into my normal clothes. By the time I came back downstairs, I was feeling a bit clearer, although the headache was exquisitely painful.