“I’m not worried. Christine has Harvey Nussbaum.”
“Indeed she does. However, Mr. Trybulski, who is perhaps half Mr. Nussbaum’s age, already commands four hundred dollars per billable hour.”
Friday morning, I’m in court, feeling like a marinated pork butt because I’m just waiting to be grilled by Stan Trybulski, Shona Oppenheimer’s high-priced young attorney.
I appear to be the only witness waiting to testify. I don’t see Shona’s son, Samuel, or anybody else.
Harvey Nussbaum and Christine Lemonopolous are seated at the defendant’s table. He’s in a snazzy suit with a bright red handkerchief tucked into the chest pocket. Christine is wearing her nurse’s scrubs.
Shona Oppenheimer and her attorney, whose suit looks even more expensive than Harvey’s, are at the plaintiff’s table. Judge Ken Guarnery is perched up on the bench, looking very imposing in his black robes.
The Plaintiff gets to go first.
“Your honor,” says Trybulski. “My client, Mrs. Shona Blumenfeld Oppenheimer, a well respected member of this community …”
The judge actually nods and smiles at Shona Oppenheimer. She smiles back. It’s like they’re at a champagne reception raising money for Judge Guarnery’s next political campaign.
Christine doesn’t stand a chance.
“… Mrs. Oppenheimer not only employed the defendant, Christine Lemonopolous, as a home health aide to care for her son, she also provided Ms. Lemonopolous with room and board, making her a de facto member of the Oppenheimer household.”
Nussbaum looks like he’s about to object, but he doesn’t.
“On the evening of June 7th, Ms. Lemonopolous attacked Mrs. Oppenheimer.”
This time, Nussbaum pops up. “Objection. Does the plaintiff have any proof to substantiate her assertion?”
“Of course, your honor,” says Trybulski. “It is all spelled out, right there in the Restraining Order form as specified …”
“That’s not proof. That’s just her side of the story.”
“We also have the police report.”
Harvey flips open a file folder on the table in front of him. “You mean this police report? The one with the photographs?”
“The photographs are irrelevant,” says Trybulski. “The responding officers failed to document Mrs. Oppenheimer’s shin injuries and limited their intake of evidence to dramatized depictions of Ms. Lemonopolous’s bruised neck.”
“Well, that’s what I would have done, too,” says Harvey. “If I was a cop and saw someone getting strangled …”
“Enough,” says the judge. “Objection overruled. The defendant will be given ample opportunity to present evidence supporting her version of events later in this proceeding.”
“Yes, your honor. And I promise, when it’s our turn, we won’t just do a read-aloud of some form we filled out.”