and I couldnt believe how iron hard he was. I was wet between my legs and self-conscious all over again, wanting to pull away, but then he put his hand there and I stopped thinking. I needed him to touch me, stroke me, slide against the dampness, and I struggled to get closer to him. When he pushed his fingers inside me I groaned in frustrated need, trying to get more. Suddenly desperate, I reached down to find the tab to his zipper, when he jerked and cursed again as I hurt him once more.
Im sorry, Im so sorry, I whispered brokenly. I dont know what Im doing. Im sorry He slid one hand behind my head, under my hair, and pulled my mouth to his, silencing me. He released himself with the other hand, the hard, hot flesh springing free, but I didnt dare touch him, afraid of my clumsiness. I trembled, helpless, unsure, so swamped with crazy desire that I could barely speak.
He didnt need words. He caught my hips in his hands, lifting me up, holding me poised over his straining erection. Hed just shoved his jeans down a bitI could still feel the denim against my bare legsbut I didnt care.
I felt him against me, the head of his cock just resting against the emptiness that was tormenting me, and yet I was afraid to finish it, to join us, afraid Id hurt him again. I heard his sigh of frustrated exasperation, and he took my hand and carefully wrapped it around his erection. And with his other hand at the small of my back, he started to push me down onto him.
He was so big. A huge, hard invasion that even my sleek flesh fought; but he simply moved me, teasing our bodies until the desire flowed slick and sweet between us, and I moved my hand and finally sank down onto the full length of him, my body shuddering in response.
I looked down between us, at the joining. I could see my nipples, tight and hard. See him buried inside me as I felt my body grow accustomed to his. He hadnt moved, and slowly I raised my eyes to look at him.
For a moment we simply stared at each other, frozen in time, his eyes and mine, more powerfully intimate than the joining between our legs. Move, he said, his voice raw.
I moved, rising up on my knees, just a bit, then sinking down on him again, feeling him fill me. It only took me a moment to find a rhythm, and I closed my eyes, flinging my head back as I soared, in and out, empty and full, a ride like no other, like riding a dragon through a moon-bright sky. My hands were on his shoulders, clutching them for balance, and he was slick with sweat, and his hands were on my hips, not forcing, just touching me, and I could have gone on forever, sailing on a tide of crystal-bright pleasure, when something dark erupted, something heavy and frightening. I could feel my body slipping away from me, and it terrified me. I froze, making a choked sound in my throat.
His hands tightened on my hips then, moving me, continuing the rhythm that I had lost, as I myself was lost, and he thrust up into me, hard, again and again. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, wanting to get away, but he wouldnt let me. Do not fight it, he whispered. Embrace it. He slid his hand down my stomach, touching where we joined, and a jolt of reaction swept through me.
I heard my own muffled cry, and he surged up into me again, and again, and he touched me once more, hard, and his voice was a growl.
Come, he said. And I did.
I shattered into a thousand pieces, splintered darkness all around me, as I felt him climax inside me. I was gone, there was nothing left of me as I went into that dark place, drinking it in, my body frozen. And then I collapsed against him, wanting to weep, and his arms came around me with heartbreaking tenderness, holding me as I slowly returned to my body, to the bed, to the man I was straddling.
I wanted to stay like that forever. I wanted him to kiss me, to tell me he loved me; I wanted all the fairy tales people wove. But instead his arms slid back, his hands caught my body and lifted me off him, setting me down on the bed beside him.
I turned my back on him, curling up in a tight ball, hugging myself. I didnt want to see his emotionless expression, his wintry blue eyes. I was slowly coming backif I looked at things calmly, I could admit hed been kind. Hed held me, stroked me, guided me when I lost my way.
And I hated him for it. He was my enemy, hed made that clear, and what wed just done was simple biology to him. What had shattered my soul was simply instinct on his part, and I hated that it didnt matter. Hated him.
I was acutely aware of him beside me, still propped against the pillows, his jeans shoved down his hips, not moving. Not doing anything. Not reaching out to touch me, hold me. Not saying a word.
I wished I could cry. If Id been able to burst into tears, maybe some of the conflict would have lessened, the sorrow
and power of the last half hour reduced to manageable levels. But my eyes were dry, and I stared into the room, sightless, empty. And then I closed my eyes and slept.
HE DIDNT MOVE, COULDNT MOVE. Hed done what he was supposed to do, and hed survived quite well, thank you. He wasnt going to turn into a demon simply because hed fucked one. He wasnt going to lose his soul, forget about Sarah, fall in love.