You usually are. Suddenly, he was in front of me and his scent was driving me to distraction. Which is why being scared now is so hard for you. Being afraid isnt a weakness, Alex. Its only a sign of something you must overcome.
Fear is a weakness. Expecting him to still be in front of me, I decided to go along with him. I threw an elbow out, but he wasnt there. And then he was at my back, his breath dancing along the back of my neck. I swung around, grasping air. What are you afraid of?
A whoosh of air and he was behind me again. This isnt about me, Alex. Youre afraid of losing yourself.
Of course not. What was I thinking? I whipped around, cursing when he was gone. This was making me dizzy. So why dont you tell me what Im afraid of, oh-fearless-one?
Youre scared of becoming something you have no control over. He caught my arm as I swung toward the sound of his voice. That scares you to death. He let go, backing off.
He was right, and because of that, anger and embarrassment flooded me. Out of the darkness surrounding me, there was patch thicker than the rest. I threw myself at him. Anticipating the move, he caught me by the shoulders. I swung out, catching him in the stomach and chest.
Aiden pushed me back. Youre angry because Im right.
A hoarse sound moved up my throat. I clamped my mouth shut and swung again. My elbow connected with something. A Sentinel is never afraid. Theyd never tuck tail and run.
Are you tucking tail and running, Alex?
The air stirred around me, and I jumped, narrowly missing
shadow that lurked behind me. Id taken to hanging around the training rooms even on the days Seth and I wouldnt practice. I knew that Aiden would eventually find me there. We didnt talk about being afraid again, but we sort of just hung out in the training room.
It sounded lame, but it was like the old times, before everything got so incredibly screwed up. Sometimes Leon popped in on us. He never seemed surprised or suspicious. Not even the last time, when wed been sitting with our backs against the wall, arguing about whether or not ghosts existed.
I didnt believe in them.
Aiden did.
Leon had thought we were both idiots.
But damn, I looked forward to it. Just sitting there and talking. No training. No trying to tap in and use akasha. Those moments with Aiden, even when Leon decided to join us, were my favorite part of the day.
I hadnt choked Olivia again, but things were super-awkward when I did see herno big surprise there. But I did start eating my lunch in the cafeteria with Seth. After the second day, Luke joined us, then Elena, and finally Olivia. We didnt talk, but we also didnt yell anything at each other.
Some things didnt change, though. The mortal holidays of Christmas and New Year came and went, along with most of January. Most of the pures still seemed to expect every half to turn into an evil-aether-sucking creature and jump them. Deacon, Aidens brother, was one of the few who braved sitting next to us in class or talking to us around campus. Another thing that hadnt changed was my inability to write a letter to my father. What was I supposed to say? I had no idea. Each night that Id been alone, Id started a letter, and then stopped. Paper balls littered my floor.
Just write what youre feeling, Alex. Youre overthinking it, Aiden had said after Id complained. Youve known that hes been alive for two months now. You need to just write without thinking.
Two months? It hadnt felt that long. And that meant I had a little over a month before I Awakened. Maybe I was trying to slow time down. Either way, my feelings were all over the place, and if my father was as competent as I believed him to be, I didnt want him to think I had issues.
So after practice with Seth, I gathered up my notebook and headed over to one of the less crowded rec rooms. Curling up in the corner of a bright red sofa, I stared at a blank page and chewed on the end of my pen.
Linard took up position at the door, looking bored. When he caught me watching him, I made a face and returned to gazing at the blue lines on the paper. Luke interrupted a few times, trying to lure me into a game of air hockey.
When his shadow fell across my notebook again, I groaned. I dont want to
Olivia stood in front of me, wearing a thick cashmere sweater I immediately started lusting after. Her brown eyes were wide.
Uh sorry, I said. I thought you were Luke.
She smoothed a hand over her curly hair. Hes trying to get you to play skee ball?
No. He moved on to air hockey.
Her laugh was nervous as she glanced over at the group by the arcade games. Then she squared her shoulders as she gestured at the spot beside me. Can I sit?
My stomach turned over. Yeah, if you want.
Olivia sat, running her hands over her jean-clad legs. Several moments passed without either of us speaking. She was the first to break the silence. So, how how have you been?
It was a loaded question, and my laugh came out choked and harsh. I brought the notepad to my chest as I glanced over at Luke. He was pretending not to have noticed us together.