THE PUNSTER'S COURT;
OR,
THE CONTEST BETWEEN JANUS AND PAN
VERSIFIED FROM SWIFT
Great Plato and Homer, and half a score sages,
Who flourished as scholars in heathen-like ages,
Have all of them prov'd, if their writings you'll seek,
That Puns were esteem'd both by Hebrew and Greek :
Nay, more, that the gods loved and practised the fun,
And their merriment owed to the mirth-making Pun .
There's Buxtorf, a learned Chaldean , hath told,
That Ptolemæus Philo-punnæus, of old,
Sent for six learned priests, for his principal city,
To propagate punning and make the folks witty:
And so well did the priests with the people succeed,
That their Puns were collected, and thus 'twas decreed;
"In a temple devoted to punning and wit,
"In letters of gold, on the front shall be writ;
"'The shop for the physic to gladden the soul,'"
Where the sick, sad, and broken of heart are made whole.
Here Janus contended with Pan for the throne,
When his double-faced godship unrivalled shone;
For no matter how wittily Pan punn'd away,
Janus turn'd round his head from the "grave to the gay,"
Till the audience, fill'd with amazement and wonder,
Decided for Janus's double entendre .
Bernard Blackmantle.
PUNS FOR ALL PERSONS AND PURPOSES;
OR,
JOKES FOR EVERY DAY IN THE YEAR
"Touch but his gunpowder wit with a merry fire , and
you shall instantly hear a good report ."
"A punster's wit, what is it like?"
"The electric spark, from Merc'ry ta'en;"
"Or gunpowder," says merry Mike,
"Touch it, you bid adieu to pain."
PUNNING AT BACKGAMMON
size "If I bate you an ace ,
Deuce take me;
for it would be-tray a weakness
in a man who could not cater for himself.
Therefore sink me
if you do size ."
A NEGATIVE PUN
landed groundless A PUN. THE ORIGIN OF THE PAPAL POWER
Tu es et super hanc petram ædificabo meam ecclesiam Tu es et sur cette pierre j'edifierai mon eglise A MAN-MILLINER'S PUN
tambour-worker A BACKSLIDER'S PUN
skait soles heels back-slider fundamental AN HERALDIC PUN
Russel arms coats A CANONICAL PUN
cannons off report AN APOTHECARY'S PUN
Expect to ate not mixture A BITTER PUN
bitter cold day A SMUGGLER'S PUN
custom to bring wine in a measure . The waiter answered, "Sir, we wish for no French measures here."
A CLERICAL PUN
He was clothed with curses as with a garment got a habit of swearing A SELFISH PUN
selfish sell-fish A GAMBLING PUN
vis-à-vis d'écarté deal A STAYMAKER'S PUN
stayed the stomachs CLERICAL PUNS
Adam Lo! HORNE TOOKE'S PEDIGREE
Turkey Cock Turkey Merchant Poulterer A JOE MUNDEN
Byam-House buy-a-mouse PARISIAN PUNS
Il donnoit Sedan pour sauver sa tête 2. Madame de Stael has been much admired for her handsome figure, and particularly her fine arm, but unfortunately disfigured by her deformed foot. Being in a gallery at Paris, where there was an empty pedestal, vain of her person, she mounted, and placed herself in an attitude to display her figure to advantage; but unluckily one of her feet peeped out. A wit approached, and seeming to look only at the pedestal, exclaimed, "O le vilain Pie-de-stal! "
3. Mons. St. Priest, who had been ambassador from the court of France to the Ottoman Porte , was afterwards sent, in a diplomatic capacity, to the Hague; but on account of some ceremonial being neglected, he refused to enter the gates of that place. This gave occasion to the wits of Paris to observe, that he was still "ambassadeur à la Porte ."
COMMERCIAL PUNS.FROM "TRAVELLER'S HALL," "English Spy. "
bee's wing bouncing be deal spirits film wing mahogany wine as this." "Sir, I blush like rose-wood at your impertinence." "Ay, sir, and you'll soon be as red as logwood , or as black as ebony , if you will but do justice to the bottle," was the reply. "There is no being cross-grained with you," said the timber-merchant. "Not unless you cut me," retorted Blackstrap, "and you are not sap enough for that." "Gentlemen," continued the facetious wine-merchant, "if we do not get a little fruit, I shall think we have not met with our dessert ; and although there be some among us whose principals are worth a plum , there are very few of their representatives, I suspect, who will offer any objections to my reasons ."
A COCKNEY'S PUN
h wig-maker's shop AN IRISH PUN
The two Taymen
patriots Two Taymen A SPORTING PUN
Managing the Pack
dealer managed the pack "BULL'S" PUNS ON THE LATE PANIC AMONG THE BANKERS
Currie Raiking John Lubbock Fostered Clarkes William Kay Price Rogers Toogood Praed Child Goslings Sharp Hodsoll Stirling capital Stevenson his Salt Dorien Magens Dorien Mello Jansen Brown Paxton Cockerell Trail long-bills Fry Stew Smiths Payne "At the west end of the town, though Scott Claude up his money at the moment, he soon began to pay again; Kinnaird said he could Ransom his credit whenever he chose; while the other house in Pall-mall declared they had More-land than would settle the claims of all their creditors; and although Marten expected a Call on Arnold , they were equally steady with the house of Cocks (part-Ridges ) at Charing-cross, who crowed most lustily at their own stability; every body knows, said the wag, that Green-wood never breaks, and as for Thomas's in Henrietta-street, it was very soon ascertained that there, all was Wright ."