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THE BENCHERS OF THE TEMPLE
The Lamb and the Horse being their Insignia
The Lamb , the lawyer's innocence declares;
The Horse , their expedition in affairs;
Hail, happy men! such emblems well describe
The specious cunning of your legal tribe :
For say what client can expect a loss
From Lamb -like lawyers, fleeter than a Horse ?
No more let Chancery's ills be endless counted,
Since on the Pegasus of Law ye're mounted.
And ye, poor suitors ! mark your simple fate
The shorn lambs ye that crowd the Temple gate .
ON SIR ISAAC NEWTON
"Some demon , sure," says wond'ring Ned,
"In Newton's brain has fix'd his station!"
"True," Dick replies, "you've rightly said,
I know his name, 'tis demon-stration ."
TO CERTAIN FAIR MARRIED LIBERTINES
Ladies! the stags (as wise men say)
Change horns but once a-year:
Whereas your stags change ev'ry day ,
As plainly does appear.
ON GRIEVES'S BRUSH
Some men brush on, and some brush off,
And some brush out of sight!
While Grieves's brush makes thousands rush
To see it every night.
ON THE HYDE PARK ACHILLES
If on this pedestal we see
Our great Achilles and Protector,
Why then the inference must be,
He whom he vanquished was a Hector .
EPIGRAMS BY W. R. V
On reading that Madame Fodor had endangered her life by drinking vinegar to reduce her shape
Against Fodor's existence, it may truly be said,
That custom has raised an unnatural strife;
For if she gets fat she loses her bread ;
And if she gets thin she loses her life .
On seeing Mrs. Siddons at Covent-Garden Theatre, on the first night of the appearance of Miss Dance
Piozzi, when eighty, at a dance led the first,
But she was mirth's votary through life's pleasant trance,
And though fame knows not age, yet our wonder is just,
Where Melpomene's self comes to welcome the Dance .
On seeing Miss Foote in the part of Ariel, so exquisitely played by Miss Tree
Where's Ariel? that is, where is Tree ?
Whose voice and form so truly suit in't;
Surely the public must agree,
The Manager has put his Foot in't.
The eminent talents of this distinguished artist have been for a series of years displayed in the beautiful scenery produced at Covent Garden Theatre.
On the Commons passing the Catholic Bill one day, and on the next throwing out a Toll for passing Blackfriars Bridge
England's friendly to all, let folks say what they will,
From Gentile, or Jew, she ne'er was a rover;
Her Commons first passed the Catholic Bill,
And the very next day vote for the Pass over .
On reading that Captain Parry embarked on board the "Fury" Discovery Ship early in Passion Week
Parry's rage for discovery exceeds all, no doubt,
For both captain and crew in a Fury set out;
But still some excuse will appear for this freak,
When we learn the affair took place in Passion week.
On reading in the Paper a supposition that Shakspeare was lame
That Shakspeare was lame , from his sonnets you'd gain,
But halt ere such men with weakness you're branding;
An abler hand never guided a pen,
And his works plainly show he'd a strong understanding .
ON THE NEW CROWN-PIECE;
The Sovereign's name being cut George IIII. and not as heretofore George IV. with a laurel wreath
Pistrucci, in thine art divine,
Thou never wast more clever;
Long may the laurel mark our Sovereign's line,
But may the I.V. never!
IMPROMPTU
On Captain Fitz-Clarence's life being preserved by the interposition of Serjeant Legge, at the capture of the Conspirators in Cato Street
When war destruction on the soldier deals,
Some seek from death a refuge in their heels;
E'en brave Fitz-Clarence, in the deadly strife,
We find indebted to his Legge for life!
MATTHEWS'S APOLOGY FOR A BAD COAT
Jack from his box surveys the house around,
Views in the pit a friend with glass erect,
Whose rusty coat with many a gaping wound
First draws the cut oblique, and then the cut direct.
"How now," cries Will! (whilst all around him heard),
"Cut an old friend! why, Jack, what are you after?
Oh, oh, the coat! 'pon honor that's absurd;
Charles is so droll, I've cracked my sides with laughter ."
TO A PEDANT WHO WORE A PIGTAIL
That U follows Q
Is not always true;
When your pigtail I view,
Then queue follows you .
ON THE FILTHY STATE OF THE PAVEMENT DURING THE LATE RAINS
When British flags triumphant scour'd the main,
Trade unrestricted bless'd the industrious swain;
But now in vain 'gainst hostile floods he fags.
Oh that the main would scour the British flags!
TO THE AUTHOR OF "PEN OWEN."
If wit and elegance combined,
With harmless satire glowing,
Can gain applause, or charm the mind,
It is to your Pen-owing .
ON BOCHSA'S DELUGE, LED BY SMART
When Apollo appears, vain would Discord oppose;
With a "Deluge" of music the house overflows;
His (Boxer) Bochsa beats time , who's forced to impart
Nought but pleasure arising from Harmony's Smart .
A SNEER ANSWERED
"Leave off your puns," said Jack to Bill,
"Give me a bon mot if you will."
"A what? a bon mot ! how absurd!
Whoever gave you a good word ."
A PUNSTER'S EPITAPH ON HIS DOG
Here lies , who living never lied ,
A friend sincere, of courage tried;
No slave to wealth, to vice unknown,
Though oft reduced to pick a bone .
Patch'd was his coat , both red and white ,
And shaggy too his outward plight;
Yet grateful still his master serv'd,
And from allegiance never swerv'd.
A sportsman true, who at a word
Would point , and oft bring down his bird:
Or fetch , or carry , hunt , or find ,
Whate'er was of the feather'd kind.
"By no disease no blast he fell,
"But, like to fruit that's mellow'd well,
"Dropp'd on the earth, worn out by time,
"As clock that can no longer chime:"
Here Carlo stopp'd for want of breath,
Outrun at last by Nimrod death.
Bernard Blackmantle.
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