derbras, bustiers, teddies, petticoats, peignoirs, negligees, nightgowns, shorties, muumuus, body stockings . . .
TOP TO BOTTOM
. . . blouses, sweaters, jerseys, pullovers, halter tops, miniskirts, maxiskirts, slacks, suits, sunsuits, business suits, pants suits, culottes, capris, shorts, short shorts, hot pants, formal gowns, bridal gowns, evening gowns, street dresses, sundresses, cocktail dresses, housedresses, housecoats, winter coats, fall coats, spring coats, hats and scarves . . .
BAUBLES & BANGLES
. . . brooches, pins, necklaces, pendants, medallions, lockets, bracelets, ankle bracelets, earrings, wedding rings, engagement rings, friendship rings, thumb rings, toe rings and (optional, of course) nipple, nose and labia rings.
And lets not even begin to talk about shoes. Oh, God! Sorry girls! I take it back. But at least lets keep it brief: tennis shoes, sandals, open-toes, slingbacks, mules, wedgies, flats,
half-heels and . . . high heels. High heels that damage a womans feet, ankles and knees, but make her ass and legs look great, so how can you blame a guy for the occasional rape? Hey, the bitch was askin for it, she was wearin high heels.
DOWN THE AISLE
Now, generally, all this obsession with appearance has one purpose. Its supposed to lead to romance andit is devoudy wished by somea wedding. A wedding is another one of those good deals women get: The man takes a wife, the woman is given away, her family pays for the whole thing, and everyone stands around hoping she gets pregnant immediately.
KNOCK KNOCK!
Pregnant! Hey, another terrific treat for the gals! A chance to gain forty pounds, puke in the morning, walk like a duck, get sore tits and develop a nice case of hemorrhoids. What a deal! And such attractive clothing. Plus, she cant get up off the couch without help. Well, its her own fault. This wouldnt have happened if she had taken her birth contol pill or used her diaphragm. Notice: her pill, her diaphragm.
AND BABY MAKES WORK
But think of how fulfilling it can be. After all, now she has a baby; a baby she gets to raise practically alone. And if she decides to be a stay-at-home mom, she gets to cook, clean, sew, scrub, scour, wax, wash, dry, iron, do the shopping, drive the van and entertain the guests. Shes a housewife! An unpaid, in-family domestic servant. Admittedly, that description is a bit more in line with the old model. The new model is so much better: She gets a fuckin job so she can be bringin something in. But, somehow, she still winds up being an unpaid, in-family domestic servantafter she gets home from the job.
You know, the job? Where she gets paid less than men for the same work, does not rise beyond a certain level in the company and gets harassed all day long by some oversexed moron with a lump in his pants.
Probably better just to stay home where she doesnt have to be bothered with that pesky paycheck crap, and there his none of that nonsense about Social Security, pension plans and unemployment money in case of divorce. Just alimony and child support if the ex-husband can be located. The ex who probably thought she was looking a little used up and dumped her for someone whose milk glands hadnt sagged yet.
Cant forget those milk glands, can we, girls? Tits! Two tits, sticking
straight out of your chest; in some cases sticking straight out. Well, for a few years, anyway. Yes, girls, just by virtue of being female, you get to walk around all your life with two vulnerable milk glands hanging out in front of you like lanterns. And if, somehow, you should get the idea that men dont approve of the size and shape of those milk glands, youll find plenty of social pressure to have them artificially enhanced. Such enhancement usually will be performed and supervised by men.
Heres another physical treat for females: periods! Cramping, bloating and bleeding five days a month. Fifteen percent of the time. And you can add the time spent with premenstrual syndrome. PMS. Men gave it that name. If women had named it, it would be called My several days of shrieking and crying and depression, just before my several days of bleeding, cramping and bloating. Men dont quite see it from that angle. Men experience PMS as a problem for them. Whats the matter, Joey? You dont look so good. Ahhhh, my wifes got the PMS.
Here are some more special female advantages in case you havent had enough: pap smears, mammograms, hysterectomies, mastectomies, miscarriages, abortions, labor pains, childbirth pain, episiotomies, stretch marks and breast-feeding. And postpartum depression. Cant imagine why she wouldnt feel good. And just to top it all off, menopause. Menopause! More strange behavior and exciting physical sensations.
And in exchange for all this, in exchange for all this abuse from nature, what is the womans payoff? Why, shes allowed to get into the lifeboat first. At least theoretically. How often do you think that really happens? Oh, and lets not forget, many men are quite willing to hold the door open for her. In fact, some men are quite impressed with their willingness to do this; they brag about it: Yeah, I beat the shit out of her a lot, but when she runs from one room to the other, I always hold the door open.