Number nine: Some of the things you need to know are things you know but dont really know you know.
Number ten: Some of the things you need to know are things you dont yet know you need to know.
Number eleven: Some of the things you think you need to know are things you probably dont really need to know.
Number twelve: Some of the things you need to know are things known only by people you dont know.
Number thirteen: Some of the things you need to know are things nobody
Number fourteen: Some of the things you need to know are things that are unknowable.
Number fifteen: Some of the things you need to know are things that can only be imagined.
Number sixteen: At any time the list of things you need to know can be abruptly suspended.
Now you know.
EUPHEMISMS: Shell Shock to PTSD
Earlier in the book, in the first section on this subject of euphemistic language, I mentioned several reasons we seem to employ so much of it: the need to avoid unpleasant realities; the need to make things sound more important than they really are; marketing demands; pretentiousness; boosting employee self-esteem; and, in some cases, just plain, old political correctness.
But no matter their purpose, the one thing euphemisms all have in common is that they soften the language. They portray reality as less vivid. And Ive noticed Americans have a problem with reality; they prefer to avoid the truth and not look it in the eye. I think its one of the consequences of being fat and prosperous and too comfortable. So, naturally, as time has passed, and weve grown fatter and more prosperous, the problem has gotten worse. Heres a good example:
Theres a condition in combatmost people know it by now. It occurs when a soldiers nervous system has reached the breaking point. In World
War I, it was called shell shock. Simple, honest, direct language. Two syllables. Shell shock. Almost sounds like the guns themselves. Shell shock!!
That was 1917. A generation passed. Then, during the Second World War, the very same combat condition was called battle fatigue. Four syllables now. It takes a little longer to say, stretches it out. The words dont seem to hurt as much. And fatigue is a softer word than shock. Shell shock. Battle fatigue. The condition was being euphemized.
More time passed and we got to Korea, 1950. By that time, Madison Avenue had learned well how to manipulate the language, and the same condition became operational exhaustion. It had been stretched out to eight syllables. It took longer to say, so the impact was reduced, and the humanity was completely squeezed out of the term. It was now absolutely sterile: operational exhaustion. It sounded like something that might happen to your car.
And then, finally, we got to Vietnam. Given the dishonesty surrounding that war, I guess its not surprising that, at the time, the very same condition was renamed post-traumatic stress disorder. It was still eight syllables, but a hyphen had been added, and, at last, the pain had been completely buried under psycho-jargon. Post-traumatic stress disorder.
Id be willing to bet anything that if wed still been calling it shell shock, some of those Vietnam veterans might have received the attention they needed, at the time they needed it. But it didnt happen, and Im convinced one of the reasons was that softer language we now prefer: The New Language. The language that takes the life out of life. More to come.
ELEGY FOR MILLENNIUM
You dont hear the word millennium much anymore, do you? Its kind of sad. Heres a word that lies around for long periods of time looking for work, but never really doing very much. Then, every thousand years, things suddenly pick up and theres a flurry of activity. The word is on everyones lips, and is heard in almost every conversation. It stays red-hot for several years, enjoying its popularityseeing its name in newspapers and magazines, making appearances on radio and TV. But then a peak is reached, and, after a while, things begin to slow down. The activity tapers
off, and before long, its once again relegated to history books, academic journals and reference works. Goodbye, poor millennium. Im going to miss you. When you return, I may not be here to welcome you back.
WHO, ME? HATE?
I saw two bumper stickers on a car: HATE IS NOT A FAMILY VALUE and VALUE ALL FAMILIES. What is the purpose of having things like this on your car? Certainly its not to change someone elses opinion of family life at a red light. More likely, the purpose is to inform us that the driver doesnt hate anyone, and that he considers himself pure and virtuous and better than the rest of us. So its actually self-righteousness. The driver apparently forgot that the seven deadly sins include both anger and pride.
JACKO BEATS THEM ALL
I dont care if Michael Jackson freaked off with little boys or not. It doesnt bother me. Fuck those kids. And fuck their greedy parents too. Whats important to me is that Michael is the greatest entertainer who ever lived. Bar none. Watch him dance; pay attention to the showmanship. No one ever came close.