So, little boys learn to hide their feelings, and society likes that because, that way, when they get to be eighteen, theyll able to go overseas and kill strangers without feeling anything. And of course, that bargain includes a certain reluctant willingness to have their balls shot off: Honey, I have to go overseas and have my balls shot off, or else the rest of the guys will think Im too afraid to go overseas and have my balls shot off. The poor fucks. The poor stupid fucks.
And so, as a result of all this repression of feelings, the extent of the average man his emotional expression is the high five. Or sometimes, when really deep feelings emerge, both hands. The high ten. This is raw emotion. And thats about all theyre capable of. And they have Dad to thank. Thanks, Dad.
But wait! Dont think dads cant be fun at times, too. After all, dads introduce their sons to the Wonderful World of Menthe male subcultures. The really tough-guy, masculine, he-man stuff. No wimps, no pussies, no softies.
There are five deadly male subcultures and they all overlap: the car and machinery culture, the police and military culture, the outdoors and gun culture, the sports and competition culture and the drug and alcohol culture. And, as a bonus, Im gonna throw in one more: the Lets go get some pussy and beat the shit outta queers culture. As I say, they all overlap. Many men belong to all six.
This male universe is, of course, detectable by analyzing its combustible
chemical formula: gasoline, gunpowder, alcohol and adrenaline. A chemistry rendered even more lethal by that ever-present, ever-delightful accelerant: testosterone. Talk about substance abuse! If its chemical dependency youre interested in, you might want to look into testosterone. TESSTAHSSTER-OWN!!the most lethal substance on earth. And it does not come from a laboratory, it comes from the scrotum; a scrotum located, interestingly enough, not far from the asshole. How fitting.
And, as it happens, all these male subcultures share a particular set of features: homophobia, coupled with an oddly ironic, complete, childlike trust in male authority. Men are attracted to powerful men. They also share a strong fear and dislike of women. This in spite of a pathological obsession with pussy. TESSTAHSSTEROWN!!
So why are men like this? I think the overriding problem for men is that in lifes main event, reproduction, theyre left out; women do all the work. What do men contribute? Generally, theyre just looking for a quick parking space for some sperm. A couple of hits of hot jism, and the volume on the TV goes right back up. Its my belief that most of these flawed male chromosomes should not be allowed to go forward for even one more unfortunate generation. But such is biology.
And so, excluded as they are from reproduction, men must find other ways to feel useful and worthwhile. As a result, they measure themselves by the size of their guns, the size of their cars, the size of their dicks and the size of their wallets. All contests that no man can win consistently.
And let me tell you why all this happened. Because women are the source of all human life. The first human being came from the belly of a female. And all human fetuses begin as females. The brain itself is basically female until hormones act on it to make it structurally male.
So, in reality, all men are modified females. Where do you think those
nipples came from, guys? Youre an afterthought. Maybe thats whats bothering you. Is that whats on your mind, Bunkie? That would explain the hostility: Women got the good job, men got the shitty one. Females create life, males end it. War, crime and violence are primarily male franchises. Man-shit.
Its natures supreme joke. Deep in the womb, men start out as the good thing and wind up as the crappy thing. Not all men, just enough. Just enough to fuck things up. And the dumbest part of it all is that not only do men accept all this shit. . . they do it to themselves.
By the way, Im not letting women completely off the hook. After all, the one part of the lower anatomy that is the same in both sexes is the asshole. But women who are assholes arent called that. Theyre named for a different part of their lower anatomy. Theyre called cunts. Isnt it nice that cunts and assholes are next-door neighbors?
NINETY-NINE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW
There are ninety-nine things
you need to know:
Number one: There are more than ninety-nine things you need to know. Number two: Nobody knows how many things there are to know. Number three: Its more than three.
Number four: There is no way of knowing how many things you need to
Number five: Some of the things you need to know are things you already know.
Number six: Some of the things you need to know are things you only think you know.
Number seven: Some of the things you need to know are things you used to know and then forgot.
Number eight: Some of the things you need to know are things you only thought you forgot and actually still know.