Are you okay? Arden asked gently.
She grabbed another tissue and wiped her nose. This morning, I thought I was in complete control of my life. Then Colin showed up and turned everything upside down.
You had to know hed come back sometime.
I used to think he would, she admitted. For the first year after hed gone, every time there was a knock at the door, I was half hopeful, half afraid, that it might be Colin. Then, as the weeks turned into months, and the months into years, I was less certain. With each passing day it became more apparent that he wasnt coming back, until Id convinced myself that he never would.
But now he has.
Yeah.
How did he react?
He thought She hesitated, surprised by how much it hurt to replay Colins words in her mind. She could still see the accusation in his eyes, hear the challenge in his voice. He thought I hadnt told him because I didnt know if he was the father.
Oh, Nic. Arden wrapped her arms around her. You know he didnt mean that. Hes hurting, and he lashed out. Its a normal reaction.
She gave a short, bitter laugh. Theres nothing normal about this situation.
Give him some time.
Somehow Nikki didnt think any amount of time would diffuse Colins anger. You have no idea how much I wish I could turn the clock back.
He had to be told.
I know. She sighed regretfully. I just wish Id actually told him.
Colin drove for a long time after hed left Nikkis house. Although a part of him wished hed stayed and forced Nikki to give him the answers he needed, another partmaybe the more rational partrecognized that his emotions were running too close to the surface to be able to have a civilized conversation with her right now.
Instead, he got into his car and drove. It was a habit hed acquired as a teenagera way of venting steam after one or another blowup with his fatherand one that was usually successful in helping him
gain perspective on an issue.
Unfortunately, he was sure he could drive all the way to Texas and back and still not gain any perspective in this matter. He tried to sort out his feelings, but everything was so jumbled up inside he didnt know where to begin. He didnt know how he felt, how he was supposed to feel in the face of Nikkis revelation. Mostly, he felt betrayed by the only woman hed ever trusted with his heart.
Its been five years. A lot has changed in that time.
Her words echoed in his mind again. She was right. A lot of things had changedNikki had changed. The woman hed known, the woman hed loved, would never have kept such a secret from him.
He still couldnt believe shed had a child and never told him about it.
Not just a child.
Their child.
He winced, remembering the absolute devastation hed seen in Nikkis eyes when hed challenged her about not knowing the childs paternity. Hed had no right to make such an accusation, no reason to believe shed ever been unfaithful.
But how could she have done this to him?
Okay, so maybe he wasnt completely innocent in this scenario. Maybe he shouldnt have walked away from their marriage. But dammit, it wasnt as if hed known she was pregnant.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. Well, now he knew. But he didnt know what he was going to do about it.
He didnt know anything about being a father. His own had hardly been a shining example. Richard McIver had dedicated his life to the legal profession and nothingnot the woman hed married nor the two sons shed given himhad ever competed with his career. Hed been absent more than hed been home, and disinterested in his children when he was around.
Now, with no warm-up, no practice, no preparation, Colin was a father.
Oh, hell. Who was he kidding? He was more of a sperm donor than a father. That was the extent of his involvement in his daughters life thus far. He knew nothing about her other than her age and her name. He didnt know her birthday, her favorite color, her favorite toys.
And he didnt know what she knew about him. What had Nikki told their daughter about her father? How had she explained his absence to their child? Did Carly hate him for not being around? Or did she understand why he hadnt been part of her life? Did she even want a father, or would his sudden appearance be an unwanted complication?
The unfairness of the situation struck deep. It wasnt just that he didnt know anything about his childhed never been given a chance to know her. Nikki had deliberately and continuously kept the existence of their daughter a secret for almost five years. Even now, because of a disgruntled player and circumstances out of his control, he might not get a chance to stay in Fairweather long enough to know her.
He thought again of the Gazette and the possibilityremote though it seemedthat the article could compromise his cover. While a part of him welcomed the opportunity for a showdown with Parnell, a chance to end things once and for all, he wouldnt risk that confrontation occurring where his child could get caught in the crossfire.
Whether by accident or design, as he pondered these issues he found himself driving down Meadowvale Street toward his brothers housethe home in which theyd both lived as children. He and Shaun had been close at one time, but after he and Nikki split up, Colin had resolved to stay as far away from Fairweather and all reminders of his ex-wife as possible.