Wheres Carly? Colin asked.
Shes spending the day with Arden.
His cool gaze narrowed on her. I want to see my daughter.
I wanted to be able to discuss thesituation without being overheard.
Her explanation didnt seem to placate him.
Nikki didnt care. She was only worried about how Colins sudden appearance would impact Carlys life. And concerned about the void that would be left after his inevitable disappearance again. Because as much as she wanted Colin to have a relationship with Carly, she knew he wouldnt stay in Fairweather. Hed never wanted to before; there was no reason to suspect he would now.
Do you want some coffee? The offer was made in an attempt to buy time rather than because she had any real desire to pump more caffeine into her system.
Fine.
She could tell by the clipped tone that he was still angry. Furious, in fact, and she knew she couldnt blame him for that.
She led the way into the kitchen, then busied herself pouring coffee into two mugs while she sought the words that would explain her actions. She added a splash of cream to his, cream and sugar to her own. The task gave her another precious moment to compose herself, organize her thoughts.
She turned back to the table and handed him the mug. His fingers brushed against hers and her tenuous composition dissolved, her supposedly organized thoughts fled. She chanced a quick glance at Colin, found his eyes locked on hers, felt the heated awareness that simmered between them.
Despite the enormity of the issues unresolved, the basic attraction was still there. Like the glowing embers of a fire, stoked by that simple, accidental contact of their fingers. It was just another distraction she didnt need right now, a complication she couldnt afford.
Im still trying to understand what happened, Nicole, whyin all this timeyou didnt tell me we had a child.
Whatever excuses shed used to justify the deception initially, the more time that passed, the harder it became to even consider telling him about their child. And the older Carly got, the more unreal the whole situation seemed. Maybe it would have been easier when Carly was a baby, or even a toddler. But how could she track him down to tell him that he was a fatherto a four-and-a-half-year-old child?
Shed always fallen back on the excuse that if Colin had cared about her at all, he would have come back. Shed clung to that justification, reveled in it. After all, hed been the one to walk out on her. But now he was back, and shed run out of excuses.
I wanted to tell you, she admitted.
Then why didnt you?
Because the day I found out that I was pregnant was the day I got served with divorce papers. The memory of that dayboth the overwhelming joy and the devastating painwas still vivid in her mind.
This was payback? Your way of punishing me for ending our marriage?
She sighed wearily. I didnt think of it as punishment, but maybe it was. At first, anyway. I was hurt and angry, and I didnt want to have any contact with you.
You couldnt have got past your hurt and anger for two minutes at any time in five years to tell me I had a child? he demanded.
I tried to call you.
When?
The first time I held our baby in my arms. Even now, thinking about that moment made her smile. I wanted you to know about herour beautiful, perfect little girl.
And? he prompted impatiently.
The number was no longer in service.
Her response didnt even slow down his attack. Did you call directory assistance? Did you ask my brother? Did you make any effort other than that one phone call?
No, she admitted.
Why, Nic?
I thought I was protecting Carly.
How could you possibly use our child to justify your actions?
Our child.
The words leaped at her, angry, accusing. Reminding Nikki that he had a valid and legitimate claim to the little girl that shed kept to herself for so many years. It didnt matter that her actions had been well-intentioned, that shed given Carly all the love and attention and affection any child could need or want. Carly was his child, too, and shed hurt all of them by denying it.
What did you think
you were protecting her from? Colin demanded.
Nikki shifted her gaze, tried to keep her own temper in check. But it was hard not to respond in kind to his anger. From being rejected by her father.
He scowled. What are you talking about?
Im talking about your damn obsession with hockey. She practically shouted the words at him, relieved to finally speak them aloud. To finally admit the feelings shed kept bottled up inside her for so long.
Obsession? Colin echoed.
It was all you ever talked about, all you thought about. And I didnt think a child would fit into your plans. A wife certainly hadnt.
Hockey wasnt an obsessionit was my life.
I know, she admitted, helpless to prevent the bitterness from entering her voice. And more important to you than anything else.
That isnt true.
Isnt it?
Of course not. And we werent talking about my career, anyway. We were talking about why you kept my daughter from me.
Nikki sighed. When I first suspected that I was pregnant, I hoped that having a baby would bring us closer again. Then you decided that being married wasnt what you wanted, and the last thing I wanted was for you to come back to me just because I was pregnant.