ANNA: Sometimes I am scared stiff. [seriously] Tom, her sons getting married next week.
TOM: Oh, so thats it.
ANNA: No, thats not it. Shes very pleased hes getting married.
And shes given them half the money shes saved not that theres much of it. You surely must see its going to make quite a difference to her, her son getting married?
TOM: Well he was bound to get married some time.
ANNA: Yes he was bound to get married, time marches on, every dog must have its day, one generation makes way for another, todays kittens are tomorrows cats, lifes like that.
TOM: I dont know why it is, most people think Im quite a harmless sort of man. After ten minutes with you I feel I ought to crawl into the nearest worm-hole and die.
ANNA: Were just conforming to the well-known rule that when an affair ends, the amount of violence and unpleasantness is in direct ratio to its heat.
[Loud laughter and voices outside HARRY and MARY.]
TOM: I thought you said you were out. Mary really is quite impossible.
ANNA: Its Harry whos impossible. He always takes it for granted one doesnt mean him.
TOM [angry]: And perhaps one doesnt.
ANNA: Perhaps one doesnt.
TOM: Anna! Do lets try and be a bit more
ANNA: Civilized? Is that the word youre looking for?
[HARRY and MARY come in.]
HARRY [as he kisses ANNA]: Civilized, she says. Theres our Anna. I knew Id come in and shed be saying civilized. [coolly, to TOM] Oh, hullo.
TOM [coolly]: Well, Harry.
MARY [who has been flirted by
HARRY into an over-responsive state]:
Oh, Harry, you are funny sometimes. [she laughs] Its not what you say, when you come to think of it, its the way you say it.
HARRY: Surely, its what I say as well?
ANNA: Harry, Im not in. I told Mary, I dont want to see anybody.
HARRY: Dont be silly, darling, of course you do. You dont want to see anybody, but you want to see me.
TOM [huffy]: Anna and I were talking.
HARRY: Of course you are, you clots. And its high time you stopped. Look at you both. And now we should all have a drink.
TOM: Oh damn. You and Mary go and have a drink.
HARRY: Thats not the way at all. Anna will come to the pub with me and weep on my shoulder, and Tom will stay and weep on Marys.
TOM [rallying into his smooth sarcasm]: Harry, I yield to no one in my admiration of your tact but I really must say
HARRY: Dont be silly. I got a clear picture from Mary here, of you and Anna, snarling and snapping on the verge of tears it doesnt do at all. When a things finished its finished. I know, for my sins Im an expert.
TOM: Forgive me if I make an over-obvious point, but this really isnt one of the delightful little affairs you specialize in.
HARRY: Of course it was. You two really arent in a position to judge. Now if you werent Tom and Anna, youd take one look at yourselves and laugh your heads off at the idea of your getting married.
ANNA [she goes to the window and looks down]: Harry, come and see me next week and Ill probably laugh my head off.
HARRY: Next weeks no good at all. You wont need me then, youll have recovered.
TOM [immensely sarcastic]: Surely, Harry, if Anna asks you to leave her flat, the least you can do is to [ANNA suddenly giggles.]
HARRY: There, you see? How could you possibly marry such a pompous idiot, Anna. [to TOM, affectionately] Anna cant possibly marry such an idiot, Tom. Anna doesnt like well-ordered citizens, like you, anyway.
MARY: I dont know how you can say well-ordered. He was just another lame duck until now.
HARRY: But hes not a lame duck any more. Hes going to work for Jeffries, and hell be administering to the spiritual needs of the women of the nation through the Ladies Own.
TOM: Im only going to be on the business side. I wont be responsible for the rubbish they [He stops, annoyed with himself. HARRY and MARY laugh at him.]
HARRY: There you are, hes a solid respectable citizen already.
TOM [to HARRY]: Its not any worse than the rag you work for is it?
HARRY [reacts to TOM with a grimace that says touché! and turns to ANNA]: When are you going to get some comfortable furniture into this room?
ANNA [irritated almost to tears]: Oh sit on the floor, go away, stop nagging.
HARRY: Dont be so touchy. The point Im trying to make is, Tomd never put up with a woman like you, hes going to have a house with every modern convenience and everything just so Anna, whatve you done with Dave?
ANNA: I havent seen him for weeks.
HARRY: Thats silly, isnt it now?
ANNA: No.
HARRY: Now Im going to give you a lot of good advice, Anna and
TOM: Fascinating, isnt it? Harry giving people advice.
MARY: Harry may not know how to get his own life into order, but actually hes rather good at other peoples.
HARRY: What do you mean, my life is in perfect order.
TOM: Indeed? May I ask how your wife is?
HARRY [in a much used formula]: Helen is wonderful, delightful, she is very happy and she loves me dearly.
TOM [with a sneer]: How nice.
HARRY: Yes, it is. And thats what Im going to explain to you, Anna. Look at Helen. Shes like you, she likes interesting weak men like me, and