TOM: So thats all we had in common. Thank you Anna, youve now defined me.
ANNA: All right, all right, all right. Im sorry. What else can I say Im sorry.
[There is a knock on the door.]
ANNA: Come in.
TOM: Oh my God, Mary.
MARY [outside the door]: Pussy, pussy, pussy.
[A knock on the door.]
ANNA: Come in.
TOM: Shes getting very deaf, isnt she?
ANNA: She doesnt know it. [as the door opens] For the Lords sake dont say [she imitates him] I was under the impression we had said come in, if Im wrong please correct me.
TOM: Just because youve decided to give me the boot, theres no need to knock me down and start jumping on me.
[MARY comes in, backwards, shutting the door to keep the cat out.]
MARY: No pussy, you stay there. Anna doesnt really like you, although she pretends she does. [to ANNA] That cat is more like a dog, really, he comes when I call. And he waits for me outside a door. [peeping around the edge of the door] No, puss, wait. I wont be a minute. [to ANNA] I dont know why I bothered to christen that cat Methuselah, it never gets called anything but puss. [sprightly with an exaggerated sigh] Really, Im getting quite an old maid, fussing over a cat If you can call a widow with a grown up son an old maid, but whod have believed Id have come to fussing over a cat. [seeing TOM] Oh, I didnt know you were here.
TOM: Didnt you see me? I said hullo.
MARY: Sometimes I think Im getting a bit deaf. Well, what a surprise. Youre quite a stranger, arent you?
TOM: Hardly a stranger, I should have said.
MARY: Dropped in for old times sake [TOM is annoyed. MARY says to ANNA] I thought we might go out to the pub. Im sick of sitting and brooding. [as ANNA does not respond quick and defensive] Oh I see, you and Tom are going out, twos company and threes none.
ANNA: Toms going to the Jeffries.
MARY [derisive]: Not the Jeffries you must be hard up for somewhere to go.
ANNA: And I think Ill stay and work.
TOM: Anna is too good for the Jeffries.
MARY: Who isnt?
[ANNA has gone back to the window,
is looking down into the street.]
TOM [angrily]: Perhaps youd like to come with me, since Anna wont.
MARY [half aggressive, half coy]: You and me going out together thatd be a change. Oh, I see, youre joking. [genuinely] Besides, they really are so awful.
TOM: Better than going to the pub with Methuselah, perhaps?
MARY: [with spirit]: No, I prefer Methuselah. You dont want to bore yourself at the Jeffries. Stay and have some coffee with us.
ANNA [her back still turned]: Its the Royal Command.
MARY: Oh. You mean youve taken that job after all? I told Anna you would, months ago. There, Anna, I told you he would. Anna said when it actually came to the point, youd never bring yourself to do it.
TOM: I like the idea of you and Anna laying bets as to whether the forces of good or evil would claim my soul.
MARY: Well, I mean, thats what it amounts to, doesnt it? But I always said Anna was wrong about you. Didnt I, Anna? Anna always does this. [awkwardly] I mean, its not the first time, I mean to say. And Ive always been right. Ah, well, as Anna says, dont you, Anna, if a man marries, he marries a woman, but if a woman marries, she marries a way of life.
TOM: Strange, but as it happens I too have been the lucky recipient of that little aphorism.
MARY: Well, you were bound to be, werent you? [she sees TOM is furious and stops] Harry telephoned you, Anna.
ANNA: What for?
MARY: Well, I suppose now youre free he thinks hell have another try.
TOM: May I ask how did he know Anna was free? After all, I didnt.
MARY: Oh, dont be silly. I mean, you and Anna might not have known, but it was quite obvious to everyone else well, I met Harry in the street some days ago, and he said
TOM: I see.
MARY: Well, theres no need to be so stuffy about it Tom
[A bell rings downstairs.]
MARY: Was that the bell? Are you expecting someone, Anna?
TOM: Of course shes expecting someone.
ANNA: No.
MARY [who hasnt heard]: Who are you expecting?
ANNA: Nobody.
MARY: Well, Ill go for you, I have to go down anyway. Are you in or out, Anna?
ANNA: Im out.
MARY: Its often difficult to say, whether you are in or out, because after all, one never knows who it might be.
ANNA [patiently]: Mary, I really dont mind answering my bell you know.
MARY [hastily going to the door]: Sometimes Im running up and down the stairs half the day, answering Annas bell. [as she goes out and shuts the door] Pussy, pussy, where are you puss, puss, puss.
TOM: Shes deteriorating fast, isnt she? [ANNA patiently says nothing] Thats what youre going to be like in ten years time if youre not careful.
ANNA: Id rather be like Mary in ten years time than what youre going to be like when youre all settled down and respectable.
TOM: A self-pitying old bore.
ANNA: She is also a kind warm-hearted woman with endless time for people in trouble Tom, youre late, the boss waits, and you cant afford to offend him.
TOM: I remember Mary, and not so long ago either she was quite a dish, wasnt she? If I were you Id be scared stiff.