Fred didnt come in. I rediscovered all the Bill Peet books. He usually wrote about animals and drew great pictures. I went through all of them. There was one about a hermit crab called Kermit the Hermit who hoarded all his stuff, and one about clumsy circus lions, and another about a little mountain goat with huge horns that he could ski on, and a peacock with a scary face patterned into his plume, and a pig with the map of the world on its side, and this clumsy beast that was part rhino, part giraffe, elephant, camel, zebra with reindeer horns called a Whingdingdilly. And there was this one about a dopey sea serpent named Cyrus that terrorized galleons. It was good to read those books again; all the feelings came back to me.
Once upon a time there was a giant sea serpent named Cyrus. Even though he was a horrible looking monster he wasnt the least bit fierce. All he ever did was wander about in the sea with no idea of where he was going.
Im tired of wandering, said Cyrus one day. I wish there was something more exciting to do. . . .
Part II
Wasting
Things got bad at the Childrens Library. I started taking the books home without checking them out and then not returning them. Sometimes Fred and I would get high and draw dicks and pussies on the animals in the books and then put them back on the shelves. One time I was in the Secret Garden and I tried to carve APRIL into the bench, but I didnt finish because one of the librarians came out, so the carving just said APRI, but the R was a little unfinished and the I was really light.
Then one day after school, my mom told me my probation officer wanted me to call her. I called from the kitchen phone while my mom washed vegetables in the sink. As the phone rang I watched my mother with the vegetables and I realized what a small woman she was.
Hi, Janice, I said into the phone.
Teddy, Im gonna need you to come to my office on Tuesday after school.
Thats the day I go to the Childrens Library.
Youre not going there anymore and you know it.
What do you mean? I love that place, I said, and my mother
looked over.
Well, you screwed it up, she said. Ill see you at three twenty on Tuesday. Dont be late, and you better not drive here.
My mother was holding half a green pepper. She looked so sad. The water ran in the sink.
On Tuesday, during first period auto class, Barry Chambers and Bill and I went out to the train tracks to try some of the weed that Barry had been growing in his backyard, on top of the shed. We walked down the tracks a little and stood near the Bat Cave. No Goth kids or anyone else was around. Barry had the stuff rolled in Saran Wrap. He unrolled it and there were two thick, glistening buds. Barry broke off enough for a bowl and filled his smooth porcelain rainbow pipe. The stuff was strong. When I coughed, Barry said, See, I got the good shit. Bill took some and he coughed too.
Howd you grow that? said Bill.
I just ordered the seeds from Amsterdam and followed instructions, Barry said. Barry was Mormon and cuddly like a sea lion and Bill was half Mexican and dumb.
After we smoked we sat on the rail of the tracks. The graffiti on the cement wall of the Bat Cave looked good. ORFN was up, and MSTK, and REVERS, written backward, and the best was LUST. With my eyes I kept tracing the way the letters flowed into each other. They were so well done I could taste them like chewy candy.
Whats up with you and April? I asked Barry.
April is crazy, but were gonna fuck.
Bill had been quiet the whole time, but he said, Yeah, fuck that shit. I guess he meant April was the shit and Barry should fuck her. His eye whites were pink and the veins were apparent. He was yukking.
I stood up and went to the wall. I had a black Sharpie in my pocket and I wrote SHIT FUCK COCK SUCK DIE ASS NOTHINGNESS MEANINGLESS CRY. My writing went a little over LUST, but he was big and in red spray paint.
What does all that mean? said Barry.
Nothing, I said, but it was something. Barry let us use his Visine and then we went back and made it before the end of auto class. I banged on the side of an engine with a hammer and then I sat in a metal chair. In English, I looked at a book but the words didnt separate; all the letters were ants marching into the crease.
After school, the weed was wearing off and I walked with Fred toward the court building where Janice had her office. It was near California Avenue, so we just walked down El Camino. Fred had been doing crazy things lately. Stupid things, like throwing rocks through house windows at night, and then running.
Can you believe that Barry is gonna fuck April? I said.
No, Fred said. Fred had never fucked, and I had only once. It was with Shauna. Everyone called her Dog Bite Shauna because a dog had bitten her and there were two horizontal scar lines on the left side of her face. We did it at a party, and when I was finally on top of her I closed my eyes because her face was so close. We kissed while we did it and I remember being surprised because I was holding her face and I couldnt feel the scars, but when I opened my eyes they were there.