I had PE first period. It was a drag getting into those stupid uniforms first thing in the morning. Short green sweat shorts and tight off-white T-shirts. Id always get depressed playing softball with all the other dweebs who didnt get excused from PE because they played sports. Im usually late. The day after Stephens outburst, I was getting dressed alone in the locker room when Lewis came in, followed by a bunch of the tough black guys: Ezra, Jackson, Damon, Roland, and two big white guys that hung out with them, a fat guy named Mike Farley, and a muscular guy named Damian Petrone. They were all older and all really big. Next to them Lewis was a skinny midget.
Jackson walked up to me. He played running back for the school and got most of our touchdowns. He was six foot three. I was trying to pull on my PE shorts when he pushed me down onto the bench.
Use that nigger word to my face, he said.
Excuse me?
Come on, use that fucking nigger word to my face, white boy. He put his hand on top of my head so that I couldnt stand up from the bench. He didnt push down; he just held it there so I couldnt stand up.
Come on, white boy, say that fucking nigger word.
Call him a nigger, said Mike, the fat white guy.
Listen, I was just doing it for class, I dont really think those things.
What things, white boy? said Jackson.
Those things I said. I was just saying them because I was supposed to.
Youre supposed to? Your teacher told you to call Lewis a nigger?
I didnt call Lewis a nigger.
He slapped me across the face.
Watch your fucking mouth, he said, not laughing anymore. I looked up at him. I looked at the others. They were all serious now. I turned to skinny Lewis with his big round head.
Lewis, you know I didnt call you anything.
Lewis didnt say anything. He stood there with his arms crossed. He gave me that same blank stare that he gave me in the classroom.
Listen, I didnt mean what I was saying, okay? I was just doing it for class and because I wanted to see Stephen Gary get crazy.
Lewis, said Jackson. That was it, just Lewis, like they had already talked about doing something and now was the time to do it. Lewis looked at Jackson and then at me, but he just stood there.
In a slow, cold voice Ezra said, Lewis, break off this motherfucking honky. It came out of his cruel face like a rocky stream.
Lewis, I was being an idiot. I was just trying to make Stephen crazy. You saw how crazy he got, I said.
Whyd you want to make him crazy? said Lewis.
I dont know. I was just trying to show off. You heard Mr. Hurston, he said I was just doing what I was supposed to do.
Lewis was staring down at me. He didnt look really tough, but he was trying. Then he said, Thomas Jefferson was doing what he was supposed to do, and he done raped his slaves.
What? I said. What does that mean?
Lewis stepped back and then hit my nose. There was an explosion between my eyes. I fell back and hit my head against the lockers and fell into the space between the lockers and the bench. My legs were still up on the bench, but my butt was on the cement. I held my nose, and there were tears coming into my eyes, but just as a physical reaction.
I squinted through my fingers and saw Lewis looking down at me. His regular dumb look was angry now. Unsure but trying not to be unsure. I took my hand away from my face and looked at it; there was a lot of blood on my fingers. I heard all the other guys cheering Lewis on. He still looked unsure, but I could tell he was going to do something. I pulled my feet off the bench and slid underneath it. It was really dirty down there and wet. On the underside of the bench there was some old gray gum, and at the bottom of one of the lockers it said I LOVE YOU BITCH! Who wrote that? It was pretty creative.
Kick that motherfucker! said the guys.
Lewis stepped back and kicked me. He got me on the top of my head, and he stubbed his toe on my skull, and everyone laughed because he said Ow, shit and started
dancing around. I lay down there covering my face while they all laughed at Lewiss foot. I waited for more. But it didnt come. The laughter faded, and then they were gone.
For a while I lay on the ground and looked at I LOVE YOU BITCH! Then I got up. I went to the toilet stalls and sat on one of the toilets and waited for the period to end. Just sat there. When the warning bell rang, I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. My right eye was purple on the inside bottom, and my nose had bled all over my lips and down my neck and onto my off-white PE T-shirt. A nice splatter across the neckline. All the kids were coming in now. Some looked at me, but I didnt wash off and I didnt change my clothes. I left my things in my locker and walked to my next class, American History with Mr. Hurston.
I was there before everyone. I sat at my desk and waited. The middle of my face was throbbing. My classmates started coming in, but no one noticed me. My seat was toward the back. Finally Stacey came in and sat down. She didnt look at me because she never looks at me, but I stared at her really hard until she finally looked.