Cath giggled.
Thats what I have to say to my bossIts an interesting idea, Kelly, but panda bears dont hibernate. And do you know what he says?
Cath laughed. Uh-uh. Tell me.
Dont be so literal, Arthur.
No!
Yes! Her dad laughed, shaking his head again, too fast, too long. Working on this client is like making my brain dig its own grave.
Its own grrr ave-ioli, Cath said.
He laughed again. Its all right, he said, tapping the steering wheel. Its money. Just money.
She knew that wasnt true. It was never about the money with himit was about the work. It was about coming up with the perfect idea, the most elegant solution. Her dad didnt really care what he was selling. Tampons or tractors or dog food for people. He just wanted to find the perfect puzzle-piece idea that would be beautiful and right.
But when he found that idea, it almost always got killed. Either the client rejected it, or his boss rejected it. Or changed it. And then it was like someone had tapped straight into her dads heart and was draining the sap from his soul.
After they dropped Courtney off in West O, Wren slid forward in her seat and turned down the radio.
Seat belt, their dad said.
She sat back and buckled up again. Is Grandma coming over tomorrow?
No, he said. She went to stay in Chicago with Aunt Lynn for a month. She wants to spend the holidays with the kids.
Were kids, Wren said.
Not anymore. Youre sophisticated young women. Nobody wants to watch you unwrap gift cards. Hey, what time is your mom coming to get you?
Cath turned sharply to look at her sister.
Wren was already watching Cath. Noon, she said guardedly. Theyre having lunch at one.
So well eat at six? Seven? Will you save some room?
Shes coming to get you? Cath asked. Shes coming to our house?
Their dad looked strangely at Caththen into the mirror at Wren. I thought you guys were gonna talk about this.
Wren rolled her eyes and looked out the window. I knew shed just freak out
Im not freaking out, Cath said, feeling her eyes start to sting. And if I am freaking out, its because youre not telling me things.
Its not a big deal, Wren said. Ive talked to Mom a few times on the phone, and Im going to hang out with her for a couple hours tomorrow.
You talk to her for the first time in ten years, and thats not a big deal? And you call her Mom ?
What am I supposed to call her?
Youre not. Cath turned almost completely to face the backseat, straining against the seat belt. Youre not supposed to call her.
She felt her dads hand on her knee. Cath
No, Cath said. Not you, too. Not after everything.
Shes your mother, he said.
Thats a technicality, Cath said. Why is she even bothering us?
She wants to get to know us, Wren answered.
Well, thats bloody convenient. Now that we dont need her anymore.
Bloody? Wren said. Wotcher there, Cath, youre slipping into Snow speak.
Cath felt tears on her cheeks. Why do you keep doing that?
What?
Making little comments about Simon and Baz.
I wasnt.
You were, Cath said. You are.
Whatever.
She left us. She didnt love us.
It isnt that simple, Wren said, watching the buildings go by.
It is for me. Cath turned back around in her seat and folded her arms. Her dads face was red, and he was tap-tap-tapping on the steering wheel.
* * *
When they got home, Cath didnt want to be the one to go upstairs. She knew that if she went upstairs, shed just feel trapped and miserable, and like the Crazy One. Like the little kid whod been sent to her room.
Instead she went to the kitchen. She stood next to the counter and looked out into the backyard. Their dad still hadnt taken down their swing set. She wished he would; it was a death trap now, and the neighbor kids liked to sneak into the yard and play on it.
I thought you guys were talking about all this. He was standing behind her.
Cath shrugged.
He put his hand on her shoulder, but she didnt turn around. Wrens right, he said. It isnt that simple.
Stop, Cath said. Just stop, okay? I cant believe youre taking her side.
Im on both your sides.
I dont mean Wren s side. Cath whipped around. She felt a new wave of tears. Hers . Her side. She left you.
We werent good together, Cath.
Is that why she left us, too? Because we werent good together?
She needed some time. She couldnt handle being a parent
And you could?
Cath saw the hurt in his eyes and shook her head. I didnt mean it that way, Dad.
He took a deep breath. Look, he said, to be honest? I dont love this either. It would be
so much easier for me if I never had to think about Laura, ever again but shes your mother.
Everybody needs to stop saying that. Cath turned back to the window. You dont get to be the mother if you show up after the kids are already grown up. Shes like all those animals who show up at the end of the story to eat the Little Red Hens bread. Back when we needed her, she wouldnt even return our phone calls. When we started our periods, we had to google the details. But now, after weve stopped missing her, after weve stopped crying for herafter weve got shit figured outnow she wants to get to know us? I dont need a mother now, thanks. Im good.