Once I came to a widely advertised center at a very cool hospital, in which, judging by what was written about it everywhere, even a fairy tale would become reality. I just came. It was impossible to get through by phone, no one had answered any of the numbers listed on the website and in other advertising sources for several weeks.
Having found with difficulty the doctors office for those who came without a referral, that is, for those who paid their own and quite a lot of money for a consultation, I got in line and patiently sat at the door for several hours, reading a smart book so as not to waste time. When I finally entered the office, the doctor first asked if I had an appointment with her. I asked how that could be done. The doctor silently handed me over a business card with the same phone numbers no one had answered. I said that I knew them by heart, but, unfortunately, I hadnt been able to get through for several weeks. The doctor, in a completely calm voice, looking into my eyes, answered,
«Right, and you wont be able to. They have been out of business for a month now.»
Deathly silence reigned. I asked if there was another way to make an appointment. The doctor answered categorically, «No!» And again silence. Despite the fact that I had spent several hours in line, I was only the third and last person who wanted to get a paid consultation at their unique center that day. Somehow I didnt want to leave there without paying anyone anything, so I just asked to listen to me, promising to pay a little more than the official price of the issue. The doctor thought for a long time and
didnt agree, apparently preferring to speak at someone elses expense rather than listen, but kindly offered to go to another hospital department and ask someone else to listen to me.
I am a stubborn creature. An old nurse in another department couldnt figure out for a long time neither what I wanted from her, nor how I ended up there.
«I read on a website on the Internet that»
«Where did you read it?»
The old woman didnt know what the «Internet» was, but that word had a magical effect on her, as a result, she dematerialized, immediately leaving her post. I was about to turn around and leave, when a man of about forty-five dressed in white appeared at the end of the corridor. As it turned out later, he was the head of the department. He came up to me and broke into a smile,
«Oh, one more Leila arrived! Why did you come, eh, Leila?»
«Ive read that its a center where you practically work miracles»
«Leila, how old are you? And you still believe in miracles!» the Doctor said with a grin in a flirting tone, but I didnt know what to answer, so he continued, «Leila, what hurts you?»
«Nothing»
«If nothing hurts, why did you come?»
«To ask. You specialize in Woozles and Wizzles, providing consultations for payment, right? So I came to ask. Where do they come from? What to do with them? Maybe some pills should be taken or, conversely, not. In general, whats allowed, whats not?»
«Oh, Leila, God knows why one has some Woozles or Wizzles, whats allowed and whats not! Live as you lived. Nothing hurts you. What for?»
«But then it will be too late!»
«Then you will be welcomed here!»
«Dont you cure everyone here?»
«We?» the Doctor asked in surprise. «Do we cure? You know, Leila, Ill tell you so, as soon as you get rid of some Woozle, some Wizzle will immediately appear! Exactly! Nothing hurts you! Tell me, why did you come, huh?»
«But its written»
«Leila, are you married?» the Doctor didnt let up.
«Yes,» I answered categorically.
«Maybe, think once more? Just kidding almost. We have friends, they come to our department and sell magic water, supposedly it lets people get rid of all sorts of Wozzles and Wizzles. So people buy it, drink it, and half of them recover. Do you think the water is magical? The most common, drinking one, just in bottles with a magical inscription. Do you want me to sell it to you too?»
«No, thanks,» I said, nodding sadly.
«Leila,» the Doctor smiled, «relax and live your life as long as nothing hurts! Believe me, no one knows anything about Wozzles and Wizzles. Its just a game, you see.»
Almost since childhood, I was advised to remove a small mole on my small back, but somehow I had no time for that. And then, as luck would have it, free time suddenly appeared, in an unmeasured amount, and someone told me about a wonderful commercial clinic where supposedly no one had any problems.
I arrived, obediently paid for everything that could be pulled by the ears for the upcoming procedure, and entered the Surgeons office. He turned out to be a strong old man of the old school. I was asked to undress, go into the operating room and lie on my stomach. The nurse rattled their instruments. At that fateful moment, I uttered one of my signature phrases,
«Not Novocain.»
The nurse smiled enigmatically and called out to the Surgeon, who was still in the office, and not in the operating room,
«Have you heard it, Ivan Ivanovich? The girl is intolerant to Novocaine!»
«Yes, I have!» the Surgeon said joyfully.
They silently bent over my back, rubbed it with something, and I screamed in terrible pain, feeling them cutting me alive with a scalpel. The scalpel froze.
«Without anesthesia?» I was in shock.
«Well, you cant stand Novocain, and we dont have anything else!» the Surgeon commented and made another incision.
I screamed again. The scalpel froze.
«Well, the last time now,» the Surgeon sang as calmly as if nothing had happened.
My third cry made a doctor with very huge eyes materialize in the operating room from the next office.
«What are you doing here? Even my patient has already escaped!»
«Weve already done it,» the nurse answered, smiling.
Leaving, I silently but meaningfully looked at the Surgeon, and he replied me just as meaningfully,
«And during the war?»
I realized him playing war.
However, I was lucky to know other doctors whom I respected. They fist listen carefully, then think and tell you what they have come up with, voicing the pros and cons, and if you agree
That evening I went to visit a very smart and cheerful woman, a guru in her field, who, having read my spells six months before, said that I was practicing real Word Magic, and she was sorry to be too old to experience similar emotions.
That time I couldnt believe my eyes the doctor looked at least ten years younger!
«Hello, Spell-caster!» she exclaimed joyfully. «You wont believe it! I met Him! Twenty years later! Imagine, all these years I knew nothing about Him! It turns out that He lives over the Ocean. He came here to give a lecture, slipped, fell, woke up in a cast, ended up at my friend in the hospital, and I stopped by her because of some nonsense! Now I write your spells to Him in text messages. Havent you met your Prince yet?»
«Maybe I have, but He doesnt think so,» I sighed.
«It seems to me, just dont be offended, there is no person to understand and contain you inside. Our men today are quite dead, weak, lazy. Theyll burst from you! They feel that you are stronger and a head taller, and bypass you a mile away.»
«Illusion! I am the weakest woman in the world.»
«Humble yourself, dear! To write the way you do, one has to be hurt constantly. Over time, you get used to the pain, the threshold of sensitivity decreases, so they will send you another pain, stronger than the previous one, so that you write again. Dont expect anything good ahead. Better get ready for the trials you have never seen even in your nightmares.»
I came to the Teacher, who had been once an ordinary doctor, and then became a real White Magician.
«I see, I see whats happening to you,» he said, smiling. «What does he look like? How old is he? Who is he?»
«I dont know anything about Him. I remember nothing,» I whispered.