It was much nicer than the hospital. Even with all the necessary equipment, the room was attractive and comfortable. Through the window Riley could see trees on well-manicured grounds.
Just then, April’s doctor came into the room. They ended the call as Dr. Ellis Spears entered, a kindly-looking man with a youthful face but a few telltale gray hairs.
He touched April’s hand and asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Not great,” she said.
“Well, give yourself some time,” he said. “You’re going to be fine. Ms. Paige, could I have a word with you?”
Riley nodded and followed him out into the hall. Dr. Spears looked over some information on his clipboard.
“The heroin is almost cleared out of her system now,” he said. “The boy gave her a dangerous dose. Fortunately, it leaves the bloodstream quickly. She’s not likely to have any more physical withdrawal symptoms. The distress she’s going through right now is more emotional than physical.”
“Is she going to …?” Riley couldn’t bring herself to finish the question.
Fortunately, the doctor understood what she wanted to know.
“Relapse or have cravings? It’s hard to say. First-time heroin use can feel wonderful – like nothing else in the world. She’s not an addict at this point, but she’s not likely to forget that feeling. There’s always a danger that she’ll be drawn back to the glow it gave her.”
Riley grasped what the doctor was getting at. From now on, it was going to be vitally important to keep April away from any possibility of drug use. It was a terrifying prospect. April now admitted to smoking pot and taking pills – some were apparently prescription painkillers, very dangerous opioids.
“Dr. Spears, I – ”
For a moment, Riley had trouble forming the question that was on her mind.
“I don’t understand what happened,” she said. “Why would she do something like this?”
The doctor smiled at her sympathetically. Riley guessed that he heard this question quite often.
“Escape,” he said. “But I’m not talking about a complete escape from life. She’s not that kind of user. In fact, I don’t think she’s really a user by nature at all. Like all teenagers, she runs really short on impulse control. That’s simply a matter of an immature brain. She really liked the short-term high those drugs gave her. Fortunately, she hasn’t used enough to do herself any lasting harm.”
Dr. Spears thought silently for a moment.
“Her experience was unusually traumatic,” he said. “I’m talking about how that boy was trying to exploit her sexually. That memory alone might be enough to keep her away from drugs for good. But it’s also possible that emotional distress could be a dangerous trigger.”
Riley’s heart sank. Emotional distress seemed an unavoidable fact of family life these days.
“We need to watch her for a few days,” Dr. Spears said. “After that, she’ll need lots of care, rest, and help with self-analysis.”
The doctor excused himself and continued on his rounds. Riley stood in the hall, feeling alone and troubled.
Is this what happened to Jilly? she wondered. Could April have ended up like that desperate child?
Two months ago in Phoenix, Arizona, Riley had rescued a girl even younger than April from prostitution. An odd emotional bond had formed between them, and Riley had tried to stay in touch with her after placing her in a shelter for teenagers. But a couple of days ago, Riley had been notified that Jilly had run away. Unable to return to Phoenix, Riley called an FBI agent there for help. She knew the man felt indebted to her, and she expected to hear from him today.
Meanwhile, at least Riley was where she needed to be for April.
She was headed back toward her daughter’s room when she heard a voice call her name from down the hallway. She turned and saw the worried face of her ex-husband, Ryan, coming toward her. When she’d called him yesterday to tell him what had happened, he’d been in Minneapolis working on a court case.
Riley was surprised to see him. Ryan’s daughter tended to be low on his list of priorities – lower than his job as a lawyer, and much lower than the freedom he was now enjoying as a bachelor. She’d doubted that he would even show up.
But now he rushed toward Riley and hugged her, his face full of concern.
“How is she? How is she?”
Ryan kept repeating the question, making it difficult for Riley to reply.
“She’s going to be all right,” Riley finally managed to say.
Ryan pulled out of the embrace and looked at Riley with an anguished expression.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so, so sorry. You told me that April was having problems, but I didn’t listen. I should have been here for both of you.”
Riley didn’t know what to say. Apologies weren’t Ryan’s style. In fact, she’d expected him to heap all sorts of blame on her for what had happened. That had always been his normal way of dealing with family crises. Apparently, what had just happened to April was terrible enough to affect him. He had surely already talked with the doctor and learned the whole awful story.
He nodded toward the door.
“Can I see her?” he asked.
“Of course,” Riley said.
Riley stood in the doorway and watched as Ryan rushed to April’s bed and took her in his arms. He held his daughter tight for a few moments. Riley thought she saw his back heave with a single sob. Then he sat down beside April and held her hand.
April was crying again.
“Oh, Daddy, I messed up so bad,” she said. “You see, I was going through this thing with this guy – ”
Ryan touched her on the lips to quiet her.
“Shh. You don’t need to tell me. It’s all right.”
Riley felt a lump form in her throat. Suddenly, for the first time in a very long time, she felt as if the three of them were a family. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Was it a sign of better times to come, or yet another build-up to disappointment and heartbreak? She had no idea.
Riley watched from the doorway as Ryan gently stroked his daughter’s hair, and April closed her eyes and relaxed. It was a touching sight.
When did things go so wrong? she wondered.
She found herself wishing she could turn back time to some crucial moment when she’d made some terrible mistake, and do everything differently so that all this would never have happened. She felt pretty sure that Ryan was thinking much the same thing.
It was an ironic thought, and she knew it. The killer she had taken down the day before yesterday had been obsessed with clocks, posing and arranging his victims like hands on a clock face. And now here she was, with her own yearnings about time.
If only I could have kept Peterson away from her, she thought with a shudder.
Like Riley, April had been caged and tormented by that sadistic monster and his propane torch. The poor girl had been struggling with PTSD ever since.
But the truth was, Riley knew that the problem went back further than that.
Maybe if Ryan and I had never gotten divorced, she mused.
But how could that have been avoided? Ryan had been distant and disengaged both as a husband and a father, aside from being a philanderer. Not that she held him solely to blame. She’d made her own share of mistakes. She’d never struck the right balance between her FBI work and being a mother. And she’d not seen a lot of the warning signs that April was headed for trouble.
Her sadness deepened. No, she couldn’t think of one particular moment when she could have changed everything. Her life had been too full of mistakes and missed opportunities. Besides, she knew perfectly well that she couldn’t turn back time. There was no point in yearning for the impossible.
Her phone rang, and she stepped out into the hallway again. Her heart beat faster when she saw that the call was from Garrett Holbrook, the FBI agent who had taken on the search for Jilly.