The whole lower story of the yellow house was in flames, and every masculine, feminine, and canine in Rosa was there, screeching and barking and getting in the way of the firemen. I saw Idaho trying to get away from six firemen who were holding him. They was telling him the whole place was on fire downstairs, and no man could go in it and come out alive.
Wheres Mrs Sampson? I asks.
She hasnt been seen, says one of the firemen. She sleeps upstairs. Weve tried to get in, but we cant, and our company hasnt got any ladders yet.
I runs around to the light of the big blaze, and pulls the Handbook out of my inside pocket. I kind of laughed when I felt it in my hands I reckon I was some daffy with the sensation of excitement.
Herky, old boy, I says to it, as I flipped over the pages, you aint ever lied to me yet, and you aint ever throwed me down at a scratch yet. Tell me what, old boy, tell me what! says I.
I turned to What to do in Case of Accidents, on page 17.
I run my finger down the page, and struck it. Good old Herkimer, he never overlooked anything! It said:
SUFFOCATION FROM INHALING SMOKE OR GAS There is nothing better than flaxseed. Place a few seed in the corner of the eye.
I shoved the Handbook back in my pocket, and grabbed a boy that was running by Here, says I, giving him some money, run to the drug store and bring a dollars worth of flaxseed. Hurry, and youll get another one for yourself. Now, I sings out to the crowd, well have Mrs Sampson! And I throws away my coat and hat.
Four of the firemen and citizens grabs hold of me. Its sure death, they say, to go in the house, for the floors was beginning to fall through.
How in blazes; I sings out, kind of laughing yet, but not feeling like it, do you expect me to put flaxseed in a eye without the eye?
I jabbed each elbow in a firemans face, kicked the bark off of one citizens shin, and tripped the other one with a side hold.
And then I busted into the house. If I die first Ill write you a letter and tell you if its any worse down there than the inside of that yellow house was; but dont believe it yet. I was a heap more cooked than the hurry-up orders of broiled chicken that you get in restaurants. The fire and smoke had me down on the floor twice, and was about to shame Herkimer, but the firemen helped me with their little stream of water, and I got to Mrs Sampsons room. Shed lost conscientiousness from the smoke, so I wrapped her in the bed clothes and got her on my shoulder. Well, the floors wasnt as bad as they said, or I never could have done it not by no means.
I carried her out fifty yards from the house and laid her on the grass. Then, of course, every one of them other twenty-two plaintiffs to the ladys hand crowded around with tin dippers of water ready to save her. And up runs the boy with the flaxseed.
I unwrapped the covers from Mrs Sampsons head. She opened her eyes and says, Is that you, Mr Pratt?
I unwrapped the covers from Mrs Sampsons head. She opened her eyes and says, Is that you, Mr Pratt?
S-s-sh, says I. Dont talk till youve had the remedy.
I runs my arm around her neck and raises her head, gentle, and breaks the bag of flaxseed with the other hand; and as easy as I could I bends over and slips three or four of the seeds in the outer corner of her eye.
Up gallops the village doc by this time, and snorts around, and grabs at Mrs Sampsons pulse, and wants to know what I mean by any such sandblasted nonsense.
Well, old Jalap and Jerusalem oak seed, says I, Im no regular practitioner, but Ill show you my authority, anyway.
They fetched my coat, and I gets out the Handbook. Look on page 117, says I, at the remedy for suffocation by smoke or gas. Flaxseed in the outer corner of the eye, it says. I dont know whether it works as a smoke consumer or whether it hikes the compound gastro-hippopotamus nerve into action, but Herkimer says it, and he was called to the case first. If you want to make it a consultation, theres no objection.
Old doc takes the book and looks at it by means of his specs and a firemans lantern.
Well, Mr Pratt, says he, you evidently got on the wrong line in reading your diagnosis. The recipe for suffocation says: Get the patient into fresh air as quickly as possible, and place in a reclining position. The flaxseed remedy is for Dust and Cinders in the Eye, on the line above. But, after all
See here, interrupts Mrs Sampson, I reckon Ive got something to say in this consultation. That flaxseed done me more good than anything I ever tried. And then she raises up her head and lays it back on my arm again, and says: Put some in the other eye, Sandy dear.
And so if you was to stop off at Rosa to-morrow, or any other day, youd see a fine new yellow house with Mrs Pratt, that was Mrs Sampson, embellishing and adorning it. And if you was to step inside youd see on the marble-top centre table in the parlor, Herkimers Handbook of Indispensable Information, all rebound in red morocco, and ready to be consulted on any subject pertaining to human happiness and wisdom.