Yet how could you have possibly known, Rog except with the aid of very basic common sense that your every move was being carefully scrutinized, from above, by a mischievous young prankster, svelte and bendy as a cat, in a pair of tight, bright red Speedos, who thought it would be a hoot, Rog a veritable hoot, Rog when the opportunity arose, to steal those precious glasses of yours and then conceal them in an act of rare daring and audacity behind the lifeguards chair?
How could you have possibly known, Rog? How, Rog? Eh?
And the moral of this insignificant little tale, Rog if moral there be, at all ?
GROW A PAIR, ROG!!
GROW A BLOODY PAIR!!
WHO CARES WHAT THE TEMPERATURE OF THE WATER IS, ROG?! JUMP IN, YOU FOOL, JUMP IN!!
Its time to grab the damn world by the scruff of its neck and shake it, Rog. SHAKE IT!!
YOU HEAR?!)
Because Ill make no bones about it, Rog: this case is a hard taskmaster. Remember Mr Philton, Rog? Dr Philton? With his heavy, dark green serge jackets, his Advanced Motorist badge and his chronic halitosis? Who made you wet yourself, Rog, piss yourself, Rog, in front of the entire class during Double Latin, after you forgot how to conjugate the Latin verb to touch?
Pardon, Rog? Was that a yes, I just heard you mutter there? Was that a yes, Rog, accompanied by a nervous cough and a sheepish little nod of the head? It was? So you do remember, Rog? You do actually remember?
Oh.
Oh.
Good.
Well, for your information, Rog, this case this remarkable case, this extraordinary case is every inch as exacting and fastidious as crusty old Philton was; every inch as unsparing and punctilious (with an impressive line in put-downs, Rog, just like that old bastard had).
This case is a cruel mistress, Rog the cruellest mistress. Its a savage, top-dollar dominatrix; a natural red-head in thigh-high, black leather boots and matching corset. Wonderfully well-equipped, Rog (astonishingly well-equipped), with her regulation whip, her paddle, her rack, her cleats, her strap-on, and naturellement! that inevitable almost prosaic pair of stainless-steel nipple-clamps.
She wont take any prisoners, Rog (well, perhaps the odd one but only with the general assurance of firmly established protocols, full legal consent, and an accepted release word).
Much as you might expect, Rog, she pays precious little heed to societys mores (that mundane index of accepted niceties we all so love to depend upon). Shell just sweep into your life, Rog, barge into your life, Rog, demand to know exactly how much youre earning (to the last pound, per annum, up front), deliver a couple of devastatingly acute and haughty pronouncements (like: You think youre very funny, very witty, dont you? You think youre quite the card, but I can assure you that youre not, or I noticed a little earlier, when we were leaving the restaurant, that youre going ever so slightly bald on top ), then shoot you a disdainful smile, shove you into a chair, push up her skirt, calmly straddle your lap and promptly take over.
KA-BAM!
Quick as a flash!
Just like that!
Can you see her, yet, Rog? Can you smell her?
Hmmn!
She smells of dirty musk and aniseed balls and cheap vodka, and that oddly persistent aroma from inside a moist, well-used Marigold washing-up glove. A wonderful smell, Rog, a heady, heaving, steamy aroma. Just close your eyes for a moment, Rog, and inhale it. Go on just yes Inhale!
Lovely, deep breath, Rog, lovely deep
Ahhhhhhh!
Let it waft over you, Rog. Let it wash, gently, over you. Let it tip-toe around you and then creep softly, so insidiously inside your head. Let it calm your fevered mind, Rog, tickle your aching sinuses, and tingle on your tongue Dont stiffen, Rog! No need to stiffen! It means you no harm, Rog. Just allow yourself to trust it, Rog. Just give it your permission, Rog. Just hold out your hand, Rog, and welcome it in Thats right! Much better! Youre doing well, Rog! Youre doing brilliantly! Feels really good, doesnt it?
Another breath now, Rog, deep, deep breath, now, Rog
Ahhhhhhh!
Perfect, Rog. See how easy that was? Relax those shoulders, now, Rog, lower those shoulders Great work! Now the face. Lets relax the face, Rog, starting with the mouth. No more tension around the mouth. Feel the lips falling slightly apart Excellent, Rog!
Now the eyes, Rog. Relax the eyes. Feel them rolling back in your head Good boy! Well done!
And finally, the forehead. Release that frown, Rog. Feel all your pent-up stress and anxiety just slipping away, Rog, just lifting off you, Rog, just floating away from you Wave bye-bye to all that nasty tension, Rog Bye-bye tension! and then make welcome, in its stead, this beautiful, almost overwhelming sense of peace and contentment
How calm you feel, Rog! How quiet! How serene! Embrace that sensation, Rog, embrace that warm feeling of safety and tranquillity Just let everything go, Rog, just let
OI!!
WAKE UP!!
WAKE UP, ROG!!!
LOOK SHARP, YOU BIG PUDDING-HEAD!!
Youve taken your mind off the ball, Rog (what were you thinking, Rog?!) and she is striding towards you, at speed, her heels sounding like gunshots on the ceramic tiles QUICK, ROG! QUICK! TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT!