‘But he’s not really a king!’
‘He might be,’ said Nanny.
‘But you just said—’
‘Who knows? The late queen wasn’t very good at counting. Anyway, he doesn’t know he isn’t royalty.’
‘And you’re not going to tell him, are you?’ said Granny Weatherwax.
Magrat stared at the moon, which had a few clouds across it.
‘No,’ she said.
‘Right, then,’ said Granny. ‘Anyway, look at it like this. Royalty has to start somewhere. It might as well start with him. It looks as though he means to take it seriously, which is a lot further than most of them take it. He’ll do.’
Magrat knew she had lost. You always lost against Granny Weatherwax, the only interest was in seeing exactly how. ‘But I’m surprised at the two of you, I really am,’ she said. ‘You’re witches. That means you have to care about things like truth and tradition and destiny, don’t you?’
‘That’s where you’ve been getting it all wrong,’ said Granny. ‘Destiny
‘Bugger destiny,’ agreed Nanny.
Granny glared at her.
‘After all, you never thought being a witch was going to be easy, did you?’
‘I’m learning,’ said Magrat. She looked across the moor, where a thin rind of dawn glowed on the horizon.
‘I think I’d better be off,’ she said. ‘It’s getting early.’
‘Me too,’ said Nanny Ogg. ‘Our Shirl frets if I’m not home when she comes to get my breakfast.’
Granny carefully scuffed over the remains of the fire.
‘When shall we three meet again?’ she said. ‘Hmm?’
The witches looked at one another sheepishly.
‘I’m a bit busy next month,’ said Nanny. ‘Birthdays and such. Er. And the work has really been piling up with all this hurly-burly. You know. And there’s all the ghosts to think about.’
‘I thought you sent them back to the castle,’ said Granny.
‘Well, they didn’t want to go,’ said Nanny vaguely. ‘To be honest, I’ve got used to them around the place. They’re company of an evening. They hardly scream at all, now.’
‘That’s nice,’ said Granny. ‘What about you, Magrat?’
‘There always seems to be such a lot to do at this time of year, don’t you find?’ said Magrat.
‘Quite,’ said Granny Weatherwax, pleasantly. ‘It’s no good getting yourself tied down to appointments all the time, is it? Let’s just leave the whole question open, shall we?’
They nodded. And, as the new day wound across the landscape, each one busy with her own thoughts, each one a witch alone, they went home.
For more information about Terry Pratchett and his books, please visit
NANNY OGG’S COOKBOOK (with Stephen Briggs, Tina Hannan and Paul Kidby)
THE PRATCHETT PORTFOLIO (with Paul Kidby)
THE DISCWORLD ALMANAK (with Bernard Pearson)
THE UNSEEN UNIVERSITY CUT-OUT BOOK (with Alan Batley and Bernard Pearson)
WHERE’S MY COW? (illustrated by Melvyn Grant)
THE ART OF DISCWORLD (with Paul Kidby)
THE WIT AND WISDOM OF DISCWORLD (compiled by Stephen Briggs)
THE FOLKLORE OF DISCWORLD (with Jacqueline Simpson)
MISS FELICITY BEEDLE’S THE WORLD OF POO (with the Discworld Emporium)
THE STREETS OF ANKH-MORPORK (with Stephen Briggs, painted by Stephen Player)
THE DISCWORLD MAPP (with Stephen Briggs, painted by Stephen Player)
A TOURIST GUIDE TO LANCRE—A DISCWORLD MAPP (with Stephen Briggs, illustrated by Paul Kidby)
DEATH’S DOMAIN (with Paul Kidby)
THE COMPLETE ANKH-MORPORK (with the Discworld Emporium)
A complete list of Terry Pratchett ebooks and audio books as well as other books based on the Discworld series—illustrated screenplays, graphic novels, comics and plays—can be found on
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* Eye of Newt is one of the ingredients used by the witches in
Arthur: “What do you mean? An African or European swallow?”
Bridgekeeper: “Huh? I–I don’t know that! Auuuuuuuugh!”
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They always do, everywhere. No-one sees them arrive. The logical explanation is that the franchise includes the stall, the paper hat and a small gas-powered time machine.