Give me your hand, my boy! cried the Parson, transported. The name of Kenelm is not thrown away upon you. The natural desire of man in his attribute of fighting animal (an attribute in which, I believe, he excels all other animated beings, except a quail and a gamecock) is to beat his adversary. But the natural desire of that culmination of man which we call gentleman is to beat his adversary fairly. A gentleman would rather be beaten fairly than beat unfairly. Is not that your thought?
Yes, replied Kenelm, firmly; and then, beginning to philosophize, he added, And it stands to reason; because if I beat a fellow unfairly, I dont really beat him at all.
Excellent! But suppose that you and another boy go into examination upon Caesars Commentaries or the multiplication table, and the other boy is cleverer than you, but you have taken the trouble to learn the subject and he has not: should you say you beat him unfairly?
Kenelm meditated a moment, and then said decidedly, No.
That which applies to the use of your brains applies equally to the use of your fists. Do you comprehend me?
Yes, sir; I do now.
In the time of your namesake, Sir Kenelm Digby, gentlemen wore swords, and they learned how to use them, because, in case of quarrel, they had to fight with them. Nobody, at least in England, fights with swords now. It is a democratic age, and if you fight at all, you are reduced to fists; and if Kenelm Digby learned to fence, so Kenelm Chillingly must learn to box; and if a gentleman thrashes a drayman twice his size, who has not learned to box, it is not unfair; it is but an exemplification of the truth that knowledge is power. Come and take another lesson on boxing to-morrow.
Kenelm remounted his pony and returned home. He found his father sauntering in the garden with a book in his hand. Papa, said Kenelm, how does one gentleman write to another with whom he has a quarrel, and he dont want to make it up, but he has something to say about the quarrel which it is fair the other gentleman should know?
I dont understand what you mean.
Well, just before I went to school I remember hearing you say that you had a quarrel with Lord Hautfort, and that he was an ass, and you would write and tell him so. When you wrote did you say, You are an ass? Is that the way one gentleman writes to another?
Kenelm remounted his pony and returned home. He found his father sauntering in the garden with a book in his hand. Papa, said Kenelm, how does one gentleman write to another with whom he has a quarrel, and he dont want to make it up, but he has something to say about the quarrel which it is fair the other gentleman should know?
I dont understand what you mean.
Well, just before I went to school I remember hearing you say that you had a quarrel with Lord Hautfort, and that he was an ass, and you would write and tell him so. When you wrote did you say, You are an ass? Is that the way one gentleman writes to another?
Upon my honour, Kenelm, you ask very odd questions. But you cannot learn too early this fact, that irony is to the high-bred what Billingsgate is to the vulgar; and when one gentleman thinks another gentleman an ass, he does not say it point-blank: he implies it in the politest terms he can invent. Lord Hautfort denies my right of free warren over a trout-stream that runs through his lands. I dont care a rush about the trout-stream, but there is no doubt of my right to fish in it. He was an ass to raise the question; for, if he had not, I should not have exercised the right. As he did raise the question, I was obliged to catch his trout.
And you wrote a letter to him?
Yes.
How did you write, Papa? What did you say?
Something like this. Sir Peter Chillingly presents his compliments to Lord Hautfort, and thinks it fair to his lordship to say that he has taken the best legal advice with regard to his rights of free warren; and trusts to be forgiven if he presumes to suggest that Lord Hautfort might do well to consult his own lawyer before he decides on disputing them.
Thank you, Papa. I see.
That evening Kenelm wrote the following letter:
Mr. Chillingly presents his compliments to Mr. Butt, and thinks it fair to Mr. Butt to say that he is taking lessons in boxing; and trusts to be forgiven if he presumes to suggest that Mr. Butt might do well to take lessons himself before fighting with Mr. Chillingly next half.
Papa, said Kenelm the next morning, I want to write to a schoolfellow whose name is Butt; he is the son of a lawyer who is called a serjeant. I dont know where to direct to him.
That is easily ascertained, said Sir Peter. Serjeant Butt is an eminent man, and his address will be in the Court Guide.
The address was found,Bloomsbury Square; and Kenelm directed his letter accordingly. In due course he received this answer,
You are an insolent little fool, and Ill thrash you within an inch of your life.
After the receipt of that polite epistle, Kenelm Chillinglys scruples vanished, and he took daily lessons in muscular Christianity.
Kenelm returned to school with a brow cleared from care, and three days after his return he wrote to the Reverend John,