But when I returned home the second evening Mr. Visconti was not there, and my aunt was having a bitter argument with Wordsworth. As I crossed the lawn I could hear her voice sounding hollowly from the empty hall at the head of the garden steps. I am not your bebi gel, Wordsworth, any more. Understand that. I have kept enough money for you to return to Europe
Ar no wan yo money, Wordsworths voice replied.
Youve taken plenty of my money in the past. The CTCs youve had from me and all my friends
Ar tak yo money them times because you lov me, you slip with me, you lak jig-jig with Wordsworth. Now you no slip with me, you no lov me, I no wan your damn money. You give it him. He tak everytin you got. When you got noting at all, you come to Wordsworth, and ar work for you and ar slip with you an you lov me and you lak jig-jig all same last time.
I stood at the bottom of the steps. I couldnt turn my back and walk away. They would have seen me.
Dont you understand, Wordsworth, all thats finished now I have Mr. Visconti back. Mr. Visconti wants you to go, and I want what he wants.
He be feared of Wordsworth.
Dear, dear Wordsworth, its you who should be afraid. I want you to leave now today dont you understand that?
O.K., Wordsworth said, ar go. You ask me an ar go. Ar no feared of that man. But you no slip with me no more an ar go. My aunt made a movement as though she wished to embrace him, but Wordsworth turned away from her and came down the steps. He didnt even see me, though I was only a step away.
Good-bye, Wordsworth, I said and held out my hand. I had a fifty-dollar note concealed in it. Wordsworth looked at the note but he didnt take it. He said, Goodbye, Mr. Pullen. Man, the darkness deepens, sure thing, sure thing, she no abide with me. He pressed my left hand, which was moneyless, and went off down the garden.
My aunt came out on to the steps to see the last of him.
How will you do without him in this big house? I asked.
Staff are easy to come by and much cheaper than Wordsworth with all his CTCs. Oh, Im sorry for poor Wordsworth, she added, but he was only a stop-gap. Everything has been a stop-gap since Mr. Visconti and I were separated.
You must love Visconti a great deal. Is he worth it? 308
To me he is. I like men who are untouchable. Ive never wanted a man who needed me, Hertry. A need is a claim. I thought that Wordsworth wanted my money and the comfort I gave him at the Crown and Anchor, but theres not much comfort for anyone here and you saw how he wouldnt even take a CTC. Im disappointed in Wordsworth. She added as though it were relevant, Your father was pretty untouchable too.
All the same, I found your photograph in Rob Roy.
Perhaps he wasnt untouchable enough, she said, and she added with venom in her voice, Think of the little schoolteacher and Dolly, darling and dying in her arms.
The house was twice as empty now that Wordsworth had gone and we were alone. We ate our evening meal almost in silence, and I drank too much of the heavy sweet medicinal wine. Once we heard the distant sound of a car and my aunt went at once to the big windows which gave on to the garden[276]. The single globe on the enormous ceiling hardly stretched that far, so that she looked slim and young in her dark dress, and in the obscurity I would never have taken her for an old woman. She quoted at me with a scared smile:
She only said, The night is dreary,
He cometh not, she said.
She added, Your father taught me that.
Yes, I learnt it from him too in a way. He turned down that page in Palgrave.
And no doubt he taught it to Dolly darling, she said. Cant you imagine her reciting it over the grave in Boulogne like a prayer?
You are not untouchable, Aunt Augusta.
Thats why I need a man who is. Two touchables together, what a terrible life they always make of it, two people suffering, afraid to speak, afraid to act, afraid of hurting. Life can be bearable when its only one who suffers. Its easy to put up with[277] your own suffering, but not someone elses. Im not afraid of making Mr. Visconti suffer. I wouldnt know how. I have a wonderful feeling of freedom. I can say what I like, and it will never get under that thick dago skin of his.
And if he makes you suffer?
Its only for a little time, Henry. Like now. When he doesnt come and I dont know whats keeping him, and I fear
There cant be anything seriously wrong. If there had been an accident you would have heard from the police[278].
My dear, this is Paraguay. I am afraid of the police.
Then why do you stay here?
Mr. Visconti hasnt all that much choice. I daresay he might be safe in Brazil if he had enough money. Perhaps when hes made a fortune, we can move there.
Mr. Visconti has always wanted to make a fortune, and he believes he can at last make one here. He has come close to making a fortune so many times. There was Saudi Arabia and then there were the Germans
If he makes one now he wont have very long to enjoy it.
Thats not the point.[279] Hell die happy if its there.
Stacked gold bars. (He has always had a fancy for gold bars.) Hell have done what he set out to do.