Whats your trouble, Tooley? I asked.
I forgot the damn pill and I havent had the curse for six weeks[128]. I nearly talked to your mother last night
My aunt, I corrected her. You ought to speak to her. I dont really know about these things.
But I want to talk to a man, Tooley said. I mean Im sort of shy of women. I dont get on terms with them fast the way I do with men. The trouble is men are so ignorant now. In the old days a girl never knew what to do, and now its the men who dont know, Julian said it was my fault he trusted me.
Julian is the boy-friend? I asked.
He was angry because I forgot the pill. He wanted to hitch-hike to Istanbul. He said it might do the trick.
I thought he wanted to go third-class.
That was before I told him. And before he met a man with a truck going to Vienna. Then he gave me an ultimatum. We were in this café in the Place Saint Michel and he said, Weve got to leave now or never, and I said, No, and he said, Find your own fucking way then.
Where is he now?
Somewhere between here and Istanbul.
How will you find him?
Theyll know at the Gulhane.
Whats that?
Its near the Blue Mosque. Everyone knows where everyone is at the Gulhane. She began to remove carefully the traces of tears. Then she looked at her huge watch with the four numbers and said, Its nearly lunchtime. Im as hungry as a dog. I hope Im not feeding two. Want some chocolate?
Ill wait until Milan, I said.
Have another cigarette?
No, thank you.
I will. It might do the trick.[129] She began to smile again. Its funny the ideas I get. 1 mean, I think almost anything might do the trick. I drank brandy and ginger ale in Paris because at school they said ginger did the trick. And I had sauna baths too. Its funny when all you really need is a curettage. Wordsworth said hed find me a doctor, but he said hed need a few days to find him, and then Id have to lay up a little, and it wouldnt be much good getting to the Gulhane and finding Julian gone. Gone where? I ask you. I met a boy in Paris who said they were turning us all out of Katmandu and Vientiane was the place now. Not for Americans, of course, because of the draft.
There were moments when she gave the impression that all the world was travelling.
Tooley said, I slept with a boy in Paris when Julian walked out because I thought, well, it might stir things up a bit. I mean the curse comes that way sometimes right on top of the orgasm, but I didnt get any orgasm. I guess I was worrying about Julian, because I dont often have difficulty that way.
I think you ought to go straight back home and tell your parents.
In the singular, she said. I dont count Mom, and I dont exactly know where Father is. He travels an awful lot. Secret missions. He might be in Vientiane for all I know they say its lousy with CIA.
Havent you anywhere you call home? I asked her.
Julian and me felt like home, but then he got angry about my forgetting the pill. Hes very quick-tempered. If I have to remind you all the time, he said, it takes away my spontaneity, dont you understand that? Hes got a theory women want to castrate their men, and one way is to take away their spontaneity.
And you felt at home with him?
We could discuss just everything, she said with a happy and reminiscent smile as the pot began to work again. Art and sex and James Joyce[130] and psychology.
And you felt at home with him?
We could discuss just everything, she said with a happy and reminiscent smile as the pot began to work again. Art and sex and James Joyce[130] and psychology.
You oughtnt to smoke that stuff, I protested.
Pot? Why? Theres no harm in pot. Acids another thing. Julian wanted me to try acid, but I said no. I mean, I dont want to warp my chromosomes.
There were moments when I didnt understand a word she said, and yet it seemed to me that I could listen to her for a long while without wearying. There was something gentle and sweet about her which reminded me of Miss Keene. It was an absurd comparison to make, of course, and perhaps this was what she meant by being turned on.
Chapter 13
When a train pulls into a great city I am reminded of the closing moments of an overture. All the rural and urban themes of our long journey were picked up again: a factory was followed by a meadow, a patch of autostrada by a country road, a gas-works by a modern church: the houses began to tread on each others heels, advertisements for Fiat cars swarmed closer together, the conductor who had brought breakfast passed, working intensely down the corridor to rouse some important passenger, the last fields were squeezed out and at last there were only houses, houses, houses, and MILANO flashed the signs, MILANO.
I said to Tooley, Weve arrived. Wed better get lunch.
Its our last chance to get a square meal
Your mother Tooley began.
Aunt Augusta shes here.
The conductor had preceded her down the corridor (I should have realized who the important passenger was) and now she stood in the doorway of our compartment wrinkling her nose. What have you two been up to? she asked.