My darling, said Charlotte. I really
No, wait a minute. The present matter is only incidental. I am concerned with a general trend. When you wanted me to spend my afternoons sunbathing on the Lake instead of doing my work, I gladly gave in and became a bronzed glamour boy for your sake, instead of remaining a scholar and, well, an educator. When you lead me to bridge and bourbon with the charming Farlows, I meekly follow. No, please, wait. When you decorate your home, I do not interfere with your schemes. When you decide when you decide all kinds of matters, I may be in complete, or in partial, let us say, disagreement but I say nothing. I ignore the particular. I cannot ignore the general. I love being bossed by you, but every game has its rules. I am not cross. I am not cross at all. Dont do that. But I am one half of this household, and have a small but distinct voice.
She had come to my side and had fallen on her knees and was slowly, but very vehemently, shaking her head and clawing at my trousers. She said she had never realized. She said I was her ruler and her god. She said Louise had gone, and let us make love right away. She said I must forgive her or she would die.
This little incident filled me with considerable elation. I told her quietly that it was a matter not of asking forgiveness, but of changing ones ways; and I resolved to press my advantage and spend a good deal of time, aloof and moody, working at my book or at least pretending to work.
The studio bed in my former room had long been converted into the sofa it had always been at heart, and Charlotte had warned me since the very beginning of our cohabitation that gradually the room would be turned into a regular writers den. A couple of days after the British Incident, I was sitting in a new and very comfortable easy chair, with a large volume in my lap, when Charlotte rapped with her ring finger and sauntered in. How different were her movements from those of my Lolita, when she used to visit me in her dear dirty blue jeans, smelling of orchards in nymphetland; awkward and fey, and dimly depraved, the lower buttons of her shirt unfastened. Let me tell you, however, something. Behind the brashness of little Haze, and the poise of big Haze, a trickle of shy life ran that tasted the same, that murmured the same. A great French doctor once told my father that in near relatives the faintest gastric gurgle has the same voice.
So Charlotte sauntered in. She felt all was not well between us.
I had pretended to fall asleep the night before, and the night before that, as soon as we had gone to bed, and risen at dawn.
Tenderly, she inquired if she were not interrupting.
Not at the moment, I said, turning volume G of the Girls Encyclopaedia around to examine a picture printed bottom-edge as printers say.
Charlotte went up to a little table of imitation mahogany with a drawer. She put her hand upon it. The little table was ugly, no doubt, but it had done nothing to her.
I have always wanted to ask you, she said (business-like, not coquettish), why is this thing locked up? Do you want it in this room? Its so abominably uncouth.
Leave it alone, I said. I was camping in Scandinavia.
Is there a key?
Hidden.
Oh, Hum.
Locked up love letters.
She gave me one of those wounded-doe looks that irritated me so much, and then, not quite knowing if I was serious, or how to keep up the conversation, stood for several slow pages (Campus, Canada, Candid Camera, Candy) peering at the window-pane rather than through it, drumming upon it with sharp almond-and-rose fingernails.
Presently (at Canoeing or Canvasback) she strolled up to my chair and sank down, tweedily, weightily, on its arm, inundating me with the perfume my first wife had used. Would his lordship like to spend the fall here? she asked, pointing with her little finger at an autumn view in a conservative Eastern State. Why? (very distinctly and slowly). She shrugged. (Probably Harold used to take a vacation at that time. Open season. Conditional reflex on her part.)
I think I know where that is, she said, still pointing. There is a hotel I remember, Enchanted Hunters, quaint, isnt it? And the food is a dream. And nobody bothers anybody.
She rubbed her cheek against my temple. Valeria soon got over that.
Is there anything special you would like for dinner, dear? John and Jean will drop in later.
I answered with a grunt. She kissed me on my underlip, and, brightly saying she would bake a cake (a tradition subsisted from my lodging days that I adored her cakes), left me to my idleness.
Carefully putting down the open book where she had sat (it attempted to send forth a rotation of waves, but an inserted pencil stopped the pages), I checked the hiding place of the key: rather self-consciously it lay under the old expensive safety razor I had used before she bought me a much better and cheaper one. Was it the perfect hiding place there, under that razor, in the groove of its velvet-lined case? The case lay in a small trunk where I kept various business papers. Could I improve upon this? Remarkable how difficult it is to conceal things especially when ones wife keeps monkeying with the furniture.