I interviewed a number of people and found that his major interest was anchored in his drive for power and money. Since he protected himself from people like me by use of a dedicated and stern secretary, I studied her interests and goals and only then I paid an unannounced visit at her office. She had been Mr. Funkhousers orbiting satellite for about fifteen years. When I told her I had a proposition for him, which might translate itself into financial and political success for him, she became enthused. I also conversed with her about her constructive participation in his success. After this conversation she arranged for me to meet Mr. Funkhouser.
I entered his huge and impressive office determined not to ask directly for a job. He was seated behind a large carved desk and thundered at me, How about it, young man? I said, Mr. Funkhouser, I believe I can make money for you. He immediately rose and invited me to sit in one of the large upholstered chairs. I enumerated my ideas and the qualifications I had to realize these ideas, as well as how they would contribute to his personal success and that of his businesses.
R. J., as he became known to me, hired me at once and for over twenty years I have grown in his enterprises and we both have prospered.
Talking in terms of the other persons interests pays off for both parties. Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, has always followed this principle. When asked what reward he got from it, Mr. Herzig responded that he not only received a different reward from each person but that in general the reward had been an enlargement of his life each time he spoke to someone.
Questions1) Where did Theodore Roosevelt see the royal road to a persons heart?
2) Why did the lawyer talk about boats with eight-year-old William Lyon Phelps?
3) How did Mr. Chalif manage to get money to send boys to a big Scout jamboree?
4) What technique did Mr. Duveno use in his business?
5) How did Edward E. Harriman manage to meet Mr. Funkhouser?
6) Why did Mr. Funkhouser hire Edward E. Harriman at once?
7) What is the principle of Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications?
VI
How to make people like you instantly
I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office at Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York. I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts the same monotonous grind year after year. So I said to myself: I am going to try to make that clerk like me. Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him. So I asked myself, What is there about him that I can honestly admire? That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy. I instantly saw something I admired no end.
So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked with enthusiasm: I certainly wish I had your head of hair.
He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with smiles. Well, it isnt as good as it used to be, he said modestly. I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent. He was immensely pleased. We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was: Many people have admired my hair.
Ill bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air. Ill bet he went home that night and told his wife about it. Ill bet he looked in the mirror and said: It is a beautiful head of hair.
I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards: What did you want to get out of him?
I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards: What did you want to get out of him?
What was I trying to get out of him!!! What was I trying to get out of him!!!
If we are so contemptibly selfish that we cant radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.
There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The law is this: Always make the other person feel important. John Dewey, as we have already noted, said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said: The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals. It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.