[Finally, down here in the postscript, you mention something that may help me solve one of my problems. Why didnt you begin your letter with but whats the use? Any advertising man who is guilty of perpetrating such drivel as you have sent me has something wrong with his medulla oblongata. You dont need a letter giving our latest doings. What you need is a quart of iodine in your thyroid gland.]
Now, if people who devote their lives to advertising and who pose as experts in the art of influencing people to buy if they write a letter like that, what can we expect from the butcher and baker or the auto mechanic?
Here is another letter, written by the superintendent of a large freight terminal to a student of this course, Edward Vermylen. What effect did this letter have on the man to whom it was addressed? Read it and then Ill tell you.
A. Zeregas Sons, Inc.
28 Front St.
Brooklyn, N. Y. 11201
Attention: Mr. Edward Vermylen
Gentlemen:
The operations at our outbound-rail-receiving station are handicapped because a material percentage of the total business is delivered us in the late afternoon. This condition results in congestion, overtime on the part of our forces, delays to trucks, and in some cases delays to freight. On November 10, we received from your company a lot of 510 pieces, which reached here at 4:20 p. m.
We solicit your cooperation toward overcoming the undesirable effects arising from late receipt of freight. May we ask that, on days on which you ship the volume, which was received on the above date, effort be made either to get the truck here earlier or to deliver us part of the freight during the morning?
The advantage that would accrue to you under such an arrangement would be that of more expeditious discharge of your trucks and the assurance that your business would go forward on the date of its receipt.
Very truly yours,
After reading this letter, Mr. Vermylen, sales manager for A. Zeregas Sons, Inc., sent it to me with the following comment:
This letter had the reverse effect from that which was intended. The letter begins by describing the Terminals difficulties, in which we are not interested, generally speaking. Our cooperation is then requested without any thought as to whether it would inconvenience us, and then, finally, in the last paragraph, the fact is mentioned that if we do cooperate it will mean more expeditious discharge of our trucks with the assurance that our freight will go forward on the date of its receipt.
In other words, that in which we are most interested is mentioned last and the whole effect is one of raising a spirit of antagonism rather than of cooperation.
Lets see if we cant rewrite and improve this letter. Lets not waste any time talking about our problems. As Henry Ford admonishes, lets get the other persons point of view and see things from his or her angle, as well as from our own.
Here is one way of revising the letter. It may not be the best way, but isnt it an improvement?
Mr. Edward Vermylen
% A. Zeregas Sons, Inc.
28 Front St.
Brooklyn. N. Y. 11201
Dear Mr. Vermylen:
Your company has been one of our good customers for fourteen years. Naturally, we are very grateful for your patronage and are eager to give you the speedy, efficient service you deserve. However, we regret to say that it isnt possible for us to do that when your trucks bring us a large shipment late in the afternoon, as they did on November 10. Why? Because many other customers make late afternoon deliveries also. Naturally, that causes congestion. That means your trucks are held up unavoidably at the pier and sometimes even your freight is delayed.
Thats bad, but it can be avoided. If you make your deliveries at the pier in the morning when possible, your trucks will be able to keep moving, your freight will get immediate attention, and our workers will get home early at night to enjoy a dinner of the delicious macaroni and noodles that you manufacture.
Regardless of when your shipments arrive, we shall always cheerfully do all in our power to serve you promptly.
You are busy. Please dont trouble to answer this note.
Yours truly,
Barbara Anderson, who worked in a bank in New York, desired to move to Phoenix, Arizona, because of the health of her son. Using the principles she had learned in our course, she wrote the following letter to twelve banks in Phoenix:
Dear Sir:
My ten years of bank experience should be of interest to a rapidly growing bank like yours.
In various capacities in bank operations with the Bankers Trust Company in New York, leading to my present assignment as Branch Manager, I have acquired skills in all phases of banking including depositor relations, credits, loans and administration.
I will be relocating to Phoenix in May and I am sure I can contribute to your growth and profit. I will be in Phoenix the week of April 3 and would appreciate the opportunity to show you how I can help your bank meet its goals.
Sincerely,
Do you think Mrs. Anderson received any response from that letter? Eleven of the twelve banks invited her to be interviewed, and she had a choice of which banks offer to accept. Why? Mrs. Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused on their wants, not her own.