I recently saw a bust of Mexican hero General Alvaro Obregon in the Chapultepec palace in Mexico City. Below the bust are carved these wise words from General Obregons philosophy: Dont be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.
No! No! No! I am not suggesting flattery! Far from it. Im talking about a new way of life. Let me repeat. I am talking about a new way of life.
King George V had a set of six maxims displayed on the walls of his study at Buckingham Palace. One of these maxims said: Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise. Thats all flattery is cheap praise. I once read a definition of flattery that may be, worth repeating: Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
Use what language you will, said Ralph Waldo Emerson, you can never say anything but what you are.
If all we had to do was flatter, everybody would catch on and we should all be experts in human relations.
When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other persons good points, we wont have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation. Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval.
The next time you enjoy filet mignon[16] at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.
Every minister, lecturer and public speaker knows the discouragement of pouring himself or herself out to an audience and not receiving a single ripple of appreciative comment[17]. What applies to professionals applies doubly to workers in offices, shops and factories and our families and friends. In our interpersonal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.
Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.
Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.
Pamela Dunham of New Fairfield, Connecticut, had among her responsibilities on her job the supervision of a janitor who was doing a very poor job. The other employees would jeer at him and litter the hallways to show him what a bad job he was doing. It was so bad, productive time was being lost in the shop.
Without success, Pam tried various ways to motivate this person. She noticed that occasionally he did a particularly good piece of work. She made a point to praise him for it in front of the other people. Each day the job he did all around got better, and pretty soon he started doing all his work efficiently. Now he does an excellent job and other people give him appreciation and recognition. Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for. There is an old saying that I have cut out and pasted on my mirror where I cannot help but see it every day:
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Emerson said: Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.
If that was true of Emerson, isnt it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me? Lets cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Lets try to figure out the other persons good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
Questions1) What is the only way to get anybody to do anything?
2) What does Sigmund Freud say about motives of our actions?
3) What does John Dewey, one of the American profound philosophers, think about the deepest urge in human nature?
4) What are the things most people want?
5) What inspires people to do important things according to Dale Carnegie?
6) Why do many boys and girls join criminal gangs?
7) How did John Rockefeller get his feeling of importance?
8) What story did the writer Mary Roberts Rinehart tell?
9) Are there many patients suffering from mental diseases? What is the cause of their insanity?